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Why is it so hard for you to be you?

Is the question I wonder about most people. I'm a people watcher so, it's easy for me to notice things normal people wouldn't. I see people who are genuinely afraid too be happy, too laugh, and enjoy the company of others because they've become so accustom to people dimming their light. Some people don't know how to enjoy the process of how far they've come because the people around them are to reliant on them emotionally. I mean it can be taxing to know who you are while sitting around people who still live by the guidelines of others. You see this is in family driven circles, college friends, gang bangers, and work settings. I mean I dare you for once to color outside the lines and do something that makes you happy watch how many people find the negative in your positive.

Wednesday night I was watching a video of someone who was so passionate, but yet uncomfortable speaking their truth. I mean I like the weirdos, the lames, and the outcasts. She had basically found her lane and driven it to her destination but her eyes where looking for support. The look she had was distinguished and none other than fear, but questioned with what's next? You know how it feels do something you've finally set out to do? But the human in you crave the acceptance from the ones closets to us to be happy for us because we're happy. I know it's selfish too think like that and I know my win isn't their win, but at same time if we're family or friends you should want to see someone better. But, in reality we don't raise our hands because we hang with the cool kids and we don't want them too know we're a nerd on the low. So, you let time pass and the discontentment sits in spirits that it starts to show on your face, in your eyes, and in your body language. Until someone finally noticed you and say are you okay.

The heavy sigh of being understood in that moment feels like a relief. But, the burden you have on shoulders isn't yours to bare so, you say you're okay when in actual reality your falling. You start to give a shit less about you, the people your around, and the places you go. That you have went emotionally numb. That now the people around don't even noticed you because they've developed the motto they'll be alright she/he is always like that. I mean life is taking a toll on you and all your asking is for away out not literally, for some yes, but for others no. Your just looking for someone to see you as you are. No gimmicks, no games just the removal of the mask and the facade you have put on. So, I ask you why are you around people you can't be comfortable with?

As humans we have developed this method of we have to fallout with people in order to receive a break from them, because it guilt's you putting yourself first for once. Honoring your needs in a none selfish way going after love, happiness, creating your own family, and living in your moments, making your own mistakes, and learning your truth. That it's a burdensome reality to come to that the people around you no longer serve you, you serve them. As, the time passes by you start count favors, you start questions their lies that sound like truths, you question the foundation of the relationship that now your ready to leave. My grandma always told me when you getting ready to leave you don't have let everybody know you going because you'll never make it on time. It took me years to understand this because I knew my place in people lives. So, me leaving was never problem it was just staying gone was the problem. Like some I became reliant on the motto " ima just pray about it" instead of actually doing something. You know the saying faith without work is dead. So, I got off my high horse and started too create the reality I was comfortable with. One that made me feel good. One that didn't make me say well so and so ain't having fun let me go check on them .

I got tired of living the dreams of others because it didn't make me happy. I just want to know why you limit yourself on your healing? Why it is so comfortable for you to stay in the mindset in complacency? Do you not see what you're capable of? Do you know ten things you love about you even if their parts of you that you don't find so loving? When will you see you and know that it's a world full people that's like you waiting to embrace you? When?

When will you see the person in the mirror staring back at you is you?

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