Whew, Chile! Can I Vent?
She is me and she is got damn tired at the moment baby I’m so emotionally exhausted. From the karmic’s of the past and continually having to explain myself to the mother freaker’s who heard what I said the first time. Child, I don’t know who is dumb me or them? For the people that have been here and followed me from the other platform to this one then you know I have been very transparent about my of life and how this journey got started.
I take my time to dissect issues that may or may not affect me, but more so affect the collective. I am listening ear for those who feel unheard even when I’m not and I am the giant to my greatest fear and obstacles. But lately baby I ain’t been giving a damn because when you feeling tired an emotional bruised for the ungrateful. You have to step back and reevaluate somethings because somethings have to change. I’ll insert the topics about karmic’s and about duck lips so y’all can get quick recap.
https://www.phuckyoanxiety.com/post/karma-vs-karmics
https://www.phuckyoanxiety.com/post/karmic-relationships
My journey into spiritually and the evolution of myself wasn’t so easy as it may seem that way but it wasn’t. I had to learn how to become my own confidant, hero, and healer without a shadowy reason behind it. And that wasn’t so comfortable for me because I had to accept some truths about myself that I wasn’t oblivious too but to ignore the problem was a bit more easier. I had those days where I wanted to give up and give in to the reason of doubt that had been placed upon me by my peers, loved ones, and lovers.
It sucked but I had to the learn the value of what it was like to love me for once without someone saying good job girl. You know the whole 3-D stand point if you taking of your kids, making money, looking good, people pleasing, pretending to be okay when you’re not, and pretending that you financially stable when you not. Yeah, that’s the bull ish I was on and I finally said enough because I couldn’t take no more. So, this pass couple of weeks has been draining and hard.
Not hard for me mentally but emotionally because I have been dealing with some downright selfish, entitled, and rude individuals. Baby they so damn draining and they’re boundary crosser's. Whew, I tell you the audacity. Now, any other time I have no problem sharing or participating in story time, but lately I have seen that the pain I have experience have folks thinking they’re going to try to reopen wounds. “Not with my Got Damn Money” in funky dineva voice. I know it’s from a movie but he just says it funnier to me.
And y’all know I have to go through hell with a.k.a Duck Lips causing havoc in my life lying on my name, causing drama, smear campaigns, lost jobs, and money because of him. See sweetie the things about narcissistic individuals they have a problem being themselves so when they get the chance to get people on, they side they do. And like victims who have experienced pain from them you rarely get to tell your story because after you have cried, fought, and shutdown from the reality of turmoil someone has caused onto you. All you think about is I have to get away and let this shit be done for good. It doesn’t matter who wants to know why it happen you just don’t care.
The pain the fly monkeys cause from believing false narrative about you, the rumors, the gossip, and the never ending tales hurt. Even strongest person alive can’t survive that and let me tell you I am numb as bitch and that shit almost knocked a hoe down. You can put the truth in a person face and they still wouldn’t believe it but dress up as a lie and they’ll swallow it down like its liquor. Funny right. I said with such sarcasm. Screams out loud not literally but figuratively.
But that hurt I experienced put me in a place to see life differently after all I went through. That laugh became a little more genuine because it was days I wouldn’t laugh because all I did was cry. That smile is genuine because it was times when all I could do is frown. That ability to say no came with ease because I recognized there was more power in my words when I didn’t have to tear someone down. I mean after yesterday I sat outside and whoo sah because I was so angry.
I mean like many people their abusers or narcissist leave them alone and move onto the next but this one didn’t because with the help of my friends, loved ones, and ex-lovers they handed him the playground. With the blueprint to say this is this and yes this is that go ahead you can do this. I never really got my alone time away from them, away from him, and away from same ole negative nancy’s opinions. I had to learn how to live in the darkness that once abided me in my darkest hour. I truly seen the darkest of it all and myself.
How far I was willing to let someone take me to place that I didn’t know if I could recover or not. The days I questioned my faith, my path, and mental was emotionally exhausting. While he got to pretend to be something he was not and while those who knew never said a thing. They smiled with my oppressor then got mad when he played those same tricks with them. How funny we think it’s funny that it’s them until it is you.
Girl but I after I cursed that bitch out, which he deserved. I felt damn good because one thang for show and two things for certain he ain’t fina play me up out this healing. All because of the unhappiness he experiencing in his life right now. You guys don’t know the apologies I have heard from someone in private but at the same time in public trying to taunt me. The countless of men who try to say I like you but hear one thing about my past and try to size me up.
Like he ain’t community dick, emotionally unstable, a drug addict, unhealthy, rude, needy, clingy but pushed it off as somebody who don’t understand him, and last but least trifling. Girl they really been trying me like I’m a sap sucker and I haven’t been feeling that. Baby I’m not featuring that shit like a song on a album.
But let me call me know Miss Cleo for your free reading and pull back some shit on the cards. Now I’m a dark as witch b****! Gasp with my hand over my mouth but I just had to come share something with y’all because I’m was watching something that helped changed my mood. Warning don’t go over there watching that video because around 7:52 p.m it started going downhill.
Have a Good Night.