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When Your Dating Life Sucks


Child, I got this topic a few days ago and I said bitch you need to sit down and write this and now here we are. This topic came up because a lot of people aren’t in the spirit of love as they normally would. From coming home working late, arguments, fights, social disturbance, family, children, and no balance in between things. It becomes hard to love when you don’t know what you want because you barely have time to study you. I mean things get old, you get old, and life gets old so it's easier to always be looking for something new but when you aren’t willing to appreciate what was it can become a challenge in your dating life. A lot of people have different needs but let social media tell it child we all the same when it comes to their think pieces. All it takes is one trending topic to set the dating life limit off the charts. Now with that being said let’s get into this think piece.

INCOMPATIBLITY: For me the topic incompatibility seems more of a personal issue than the other party's issues. Now before you go jumping all down my throat hear me out. People who tend to not speak up and be open about the things they want in their relationships do not want to be vulnerable in the dating phase. Leaving most people not to be satisfied in their dating life. I mean I get it’s scary because everybody wants to record an put everything on social media but social media didn't stop from pulling out that cumbersnatch and hotdog to have a little sex. You know my rules if you can explore my body why is it a problem when I ask for vulnerability. Now before you go off thinking that I be falling in love after sex no ma’am I am hoe I don’t settle down to easy, thank you.

But most people who are the most vocal about the things that it is they don’t want tend to be the ones who want exactly what it is they don’t want. They just haven’t had the time to understand the things they don’t like so much. Now this doesn’t mean to go off and push someone into a polygamous relationship, doing weird sexual shit, and being open to things that violate their boundaries. No, I am talking about the people who push the agendas of being friends with benefits, the buddy system, or the chill zone because they are too afraid got fall in love. I mean I get it the union can be scary when you have two people who aren’t willing to submit the art of love. But when you have two people that are trying to push the agenda of submission onto each other it becomes a challenge and the relationship is bound to fail because of an ego that doesn’t want to submit.

Causing yet another failed talking phase because that’s all y’all did was gas each other up with false promises and ever deliver on them. And it was always the too little to late syndrome leaving you to mourn what you never had because you ever gave it chance. Incompatibility is a broad topic to me because you can be incompatible with someone because of your own fears and wanting two different things. Sometimes it's not always religions, politics, and beliefs on raising kids its dating someone who isn't on the same emotional level as you. You don’t have to be emotionally intelligent but dating someone who is a smidge but open to explore the idea of you and the things you love is a bonus. Dating someone who just likes you is why most relationships fail. You didn’t get to know if they wanted to get to know you. And people may say how are we supposed to get to know each other Marshae well dating if you ask me.

You think I am talking about spending money when it’s actually the quality time you are willing to put in with someone. See setting dates is more than just today we are going out and you know I have to work. No, it is about the person's capability to carve out time for you. To set a date and remember that you have something to look forward to. You know they say absences make the heart grow fonder. It's like how do you build up some form of romanticism in the mind when you are always wanting things right now. Now for my people who are in soulmate connections and twin flames just speed pass this because the start of those relationships be rocky as hell. But I digress, it’s like when you do actually find time to get to know the person you want? Y'all be speeding pass them red flags because of a fat ass, a nice face, some money, and then have the nerve thinking you compatible with someone because of superficial standards. And then have the audacity to be blowing up my line like Marshae do me a reading. Nawl, baby you hard headed as hell and don’t listen to shit I say.

I'm tired boss I told you them healing sessions was gone help yo noodle head ass. Now look at you as I say this with disgust and sarcasm in my head. Like does anybody talk on the phone anymore, go onto the beach and look at the stars, and sit outside by the fire place. Or do I be watching tv too much because if so help me because I am really losing it and its day 3, and I haven't had any snacks. I think I'm losing out on me. No, seriously those moments that take you away from the world to were you get lost in each other seems too blissful as fuck. Have you walking around here like a kid on cloud nine. It feels like when you first met your first eater and they were so skilled at it that you almost fell in love. Memories, sighs in a depressive state.

But what happens when you find you out that you are not compatible with a person? Because for a group that say we are not our ancestors y’all sholl be trying to make them stale ass relationships work like it’s the 1900’s and we need a man for stability and a woman to cook because it wasn’t a man's job to do so.

Now for my people who need to see the signs that you aren’t compatible with a person I'll list them below:

  1. Lack of drive- being in a relationship or dating someone who doesn’t have the get up and go. Maybe they too boring or they just don’t care about the things you do, guess what that’s okay go find somebody else that is on your wave length you don’t have to stay where you don’t want too.

  1. Appearance- contrary to popular belief it is okay if someone doesn’t want to date someone that is plush sized. It becomes fat-phobic when you constantly diss and bring up health and weight challenges all of the time. Nobody wants to hear you complain about something you don’t like. We get it now get over yourself it screams self-hatred to sit up and talk about someone you don’t desire to be with.

  1. To Show Boaty- some people don’t like it when people who brag about the things they have or their investments all of the time. I get it you worked hard for all of your nice things it doesn’t make you a compatible match. Keep flexing somebody is going to ask you for some money or possibly try to set you up.

  1. Attention Seeking- the person who sits online and do everything to get the attention of other people and act as if you aren’t talking to them. Like have some decorum you got a pending application in the process here. You know those people who try to put on the façade that they are single but you know they can’t live a day without themselves. It becomes a turn off when somebody find out you act like that in real life.

  1. The Clout Chaser- always doing things to garner the approval of the public. Like what hold up let me set up my phone right quick. Like damn bitch I ain’t important put that phone up before I expose us on this secret vacation. I can see if you are dating a social media influencer but when they need the public approval for everything it can become draining. Oh, this falls into the category of those who try to date to impress they family you ain’t slick too. Coming from those families who promote relationships and healthy marriages when you a whole beast in these streets. Nigga, stop lying to your mama.

  1. Too Bougie, Too Needy- here is the conundrum we now live in a day and age where they say fuck you pay me and that is fine because I'm all for you getting your paper, but when it’s only money. Sweetie, you ain’t dating for love you dating for status and stability be honest. Arraigned marriages and commitments maybe more your things until you decide to settle down. Because putting yourself out there and getting mad because the person that wants to love isn’t able to financially provide for all of your needs. Is quite insane to me.

  1. Too Ready for Love- yes, this a thing sometimes people take this as you want to fall in love today and this makes some of your suitors fall back. It may be time to change your approach to the dating scene. It doesn’t make you less worthy of love; you are just dating people who don’t fit your idea of what you want from life.

  1. The Dependent: contrary to popular beliefs these things be having jobs, homes, cars, and financial stability. They just be wanting to latch onto someone emotionally and it can be draining at times because if you are a person who gives reassurance and also needs space this will cost you your time. They have and you have to find the right person who is more able to deal with this. This could result in the partner who wants to be with you every minute of the day. Now granted when you in love and you have found the one baby that shit doesn’t matter because that’s your boo. If this isn’t someone who makes your heart sing and give you just smidge of I got to make sure I'm fly so when they see me baby gone exit stage left.

  1. Mr./Mrs. Independent- there is nothing you can for this person because they always got it. It's like strong is a badge of honor and they don’t want you to help them out at all. Now granted these people can be self-sufficient Indvidual's and will gladly let they guard down for the right person. But when them things don’t trust you baby just enjoy the dates, times, and sex because that might be everything they got going on. They will probably be the last to invite to meet their friends, family, and social events because they don’t want you to mess up their life. These individuals be having they whole life mapped out to the point it seems like they have no time for no fuck shit. It can be exhausted but they know what they know and they have to learn the hardest when it comes down to sharing and caring. Also, emotional expression especially when it comes down to their needs.



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