Trauma bonds we all have had them but it’s how we got out of them that really makes us feel important. Like many we have had our fair share of connections with people who just served us as we set in our pain. Trauma like connections tend to happen in our soul groups or soul mate connections. Hell, why you think the collective talks about twin flames so much and fail to recognize they are worse than actual soul mate relationships. Trauma bonds really do serve a purpose in our life its just teaches us how to love ourselves a little more.
If you are more prone to be in your shadow then child you have made some trauma bonds in your life, if you suffer with abandonment issues you have made some trauma like connections, escapism and trying to find a reason out of life you have made some trauma bond connections, and if you have experience any form of pain in your life you have made some connections based off of your pain. People tend to give trauma bonds a bad rep which they can be toxic but it’s how we genuinely cope with the things in our day to day lives. Say for instance you have just divorced, and you now start to hang out with the new age singles, the Netflix and chill era where they just have sex with no attachments.
So, instead of sitting at home crying, going to counseling, or breaking shit in the house you don’t want anymore you align yourself with people who are free “allegedly”. Child, they be a hostage of their pain why you think they find every way to spend time with everything and everybody but themselves. Trust I know I been I there hell, why you think I take my time breaking down these series because the whole goal is to remember in this lifetime and learn so we want to have to repeat it in another. I say all the time growing up in black households we never fully released that word strong and we think that everything in life is supposed to come at the hand of suffrages. You are kidding me, now I don’t believe everything is supposed to be easy but damn everything doesn’t have to be so hard.
It becomes a point in life where we just say enough is enough and you don’t give a damn who or what likes it. Some thing has to go and some things has to change in order for you to be happy in your in life. I forgot to add a link for an example of a trauma bonded relationship.
Okay now let’s get back on subject I find that a lot of the collective is struggling with a lot of relationships in their life and they don’t know if they should stay or go at the time. But you know me I will repeat this until I’m blue in the face if 2020 didn’t show you what was needed and what you needed to release in your life, I don’t know what will. While being in this number 5 year I said that is the year of the resources whether that is someone who has a plug on hair, clothes, shoes, nail, computer skills, or any trade. A lot of people wasn’t going to stay in your life for a long period of time it wasn’t because they were heartless cunts. No, its because they had things they needed to do as well we all have to right. Anyone that is trying to get you to stay stuck in box seems a little problematic to me.
Now take that with a grain of salt because a lot of y’all got contractual obligation so it may not be in your best interest to run off with that topic. I don’t need you getting in trouble and blaming me because I thought you was gone be like “all okay den” when you read that. But a lot of people fail to recognize their direction in life, so they have people coming back into their life because of those vulnerabilities that they have going on. And especially if you don’t know how to cope with emotional matters you may let a toxic friend reappear back into your life, an old lover who hasn’t grown up at all, a vice you used to ease the pain, or an old way of doing things keep you hostage and set in that intention for year moving forward.
I don’t know why I feel like next year is the year of karma to be coming forward for many whether it be for good or for bad because these past two years we have all been slacking. Slacking on our boundaries, our goals, relationship, and things that need to just get done. That it has caused a lot of people to get comfortable with certain people in areas of their life that shouldn’t be a part of their life at all. All because we failed to recognize that we need human connections in life to survive its just on us to establish who is good or bad for us. Because it is a lot of people who pretend to actually care about you and my wellbeing in life. And sometimes that can suck when you thought you have found someone who relates to you as a whole and not just the pain you have experience in life.
Because when we are blinded by our own emotions it can lead us to think things about people that aren’t true and causes us to make decisions based off of irrational feelings. Like making major life changing goals with someone who doesn’t want to be a part of your life. Or end up quitting a job just because you have dream with no financial planning for your future. Sometimes you land on your feet but if you didn’t have something that served the collective in the pandemic it was hard trying to stay focused on your dreams while needing money to survive. Because many ain’t using they platforms to give someone a boost they need in they career field. Everything is about money and what they can profit off you, no matter how much money you make they want a piece of the pie. I think this year taught us that everyone was living based off their needs.
Baby trauma bonds will have you looking back at a friend, loved one, spouse, or a job like I spent all this time in this and this all I got. You might have got the short of the stick, but its many days where we had the chance to walk away but the fact it served a emotional crutch. We stayed when should’ve left well enough alone. “Jesus” in my Auntie voice.
But here’s a FEW SIGNS YOU MAY HAVE SOME TRAUMA BONDED CONNECTIONS IN YOUR LIFE
· The relationship seems like comfort, but it comes with so much discomfort no matter how hard you try you find yourselves experiencing more hardships than wins.
· If you have any wins, it feels more like a substitute for the fights, drama, and falling out to replace the fact that things need to change.
· Every time something goes wrong you find yourself gravitating back to what you said you was going to let go of.
· This could be a behavioral pattern whether it be a substance, noun, or a thinking process.
· Nines time out of ten it’s the martyr versus the victim something that make you feel like a do gooder in any situation.
· Emotional handicap where you excuse bad behavior and always have to speak up or correct someone’s wrongdoings
· There’s no balance in the relationships either one of you is up or the other is down there is no teamwork.
· You only come back to visit or have a spark of understanding when there is pain that can only be identified with that person.
· Now in some case but not all it could be the advice giver or the person who the person who enables your such behavior.
· The more you try to let go it always seems like you have more reasons for staying the same.
· You have no sense of change because you feel your change may hurt the other person so, you stay the same or in the same environment because you fear upsetting the collective.
· And last but least just resistant to change and wanting to stay the same so, you’ll find anybody who is like the emotions you are giving off no matter how detrimental they are to your wellbeing.
I HOPE THIS HELPS!