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To Be or Not To Be?


Strife in a commitment don’t hit like it used because we used to have elders who was once wise. You know the ones who allowed you space to vent and not cast judgment or throw stones at your partner. It was like your little moment you had to be vulnerable and not in a way where you isolated your partner from the marriage or commitment. But we know that in this day and age these problems ain’t old but with social media, career, jobs, and expectations of the outside world it can wreak havoc on who you are to become. Its many chiefs and not enough Indians in relationship dynamics. You have kinfolks who think it's okay to haze because of hierarchy and to cross boundaries because of the relationship dynamic they have with your partner. It’s like they don’t even give you a chance for you to be you they just want you to accept the fact they have been here first.

When you already know that because they wouldn’t be able to introduce you to them so why do they play these games child we shall never know. But it isn’t a diss on your family and kin it’s just sometimes that advice, love, and support they give no longer serves you because you are transitioning out that midframe. It's like people fail to recognize that when you get married you gain a son or a daughter not lose one. So the social hierarchy that goes in a family is bound to shift. Now I get it having a partner your family likes is very important but your happiness matters too. We are grown in the land of the free so it's your choice to date who you want not and who they want you to date. Now for my folks with prestige family members who like to marry into wealth, good luck get your money man and dip and fall in love in peace some other time. Because baby y’all family be worsier than a middle class black family who snoots they nose up at other niggas who rap, sing, act, or work a basic 9-5. #NEXT!

What was your ideal love choice and are you happy with the choice you made? If so, why do other people's opinions matter? Now I get it sometimes them comments hurt because it ain’t what they said it’s who it came from. And it can be disheartening when you seek the approval of your elders and they ass think otherwise. It's like they fail to understand the things you need out of life. And for my codependent people who always call on so and so to do stuff for you, you do know you create the paradigm that you need them. This is why they feel the need to comment or correct everything it is that you do because in your moment of weaknesses you confided in them. Again, we have to learn how to remove the titles from people in your life and start too see them as humans navigating this human experience too. They see life through their energetic lens as well as you but it’s not always the same. Genetics is a mother fucker no matter the scientific label of mother, father, cousin, aunt, uncle, sister, or cousin.

Oooo, and let me plug these old links to the post so you can check them out.

And if you see grammatical errors point it out and I'll change other than that pretend it’s there until I fix it.

I know people always make the suggestion of therapy when things get rough in the marriage but what happens when you have no goal in mind. What is the realistic expectation that you have that counseling, therapy, or sessions is going to do for you and your spouse? Because sometimes therapy can work against the relationship because of new things that is happening in the commitment such as; it could be getting a new job, having no me time, a health issue, a pregnancy, or new baby. Sometimes planning maybe an issue more than a therapy thing. You might not think so but having a sit down with your partner realistically without the expectation of I love you and you should it do it. Could change some shit drastically in a commitment. I get it love is important and having partner who is willing to sacrifice for you should be made out of love but sometimes that love don’t mean a damn. When that overtime been kicking your ass, your favorite tv show just came on, or you have been in a space of experiencing fatigue.

Sometimes you just want them to do what it is they need from you, and they do just that. Negotiating tactics do work in marriages and commitments. Like telling your partner I can do this for 3 months and then we have to switch. Because sometimes you have to come back and check in with your partner because we don't need you picking up the kids on their days and they have things planned. You may take this as some slight and it causes some discord even with the kids. This is real when things have been set in motion with no means of a cut-off date. It doesn’t mean that this will cause another divide in the marriage or commitment but when you are trying things you have to be open to some form of change. It works even better when your kids are younger because the older, they get them apathetic creatures become set in they ways and they also can cause stress and strife on your back too.

It’ll make you feel like you aren’t the parent you need to be because you are the adult and anything you say goes, but when you have allowed them room to be a child. Honey that’s all they want to be is a child they don’t want to be in grown folks' business. The moral of the story try taking some time to think by yourself before you go off presenting things with your partner that they may not be interested in at the time. Sometimes that sales pitch is needed when you have closed minded partners. Because if you got somebody who stubborn as me, I will politely tell you no but it will be with love.



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