THE SWITCH AFTER TRAUMA:
Have you ever seen someone do a whole 180 after experiencing something traumatic? Say for existence a near death experience, rape, physical violence, or humiliation. I’m talking about where the inidivual turn into a person who you tend to hate because they fail to see themselves and the things they do to others. Now granted pain is pain and will always be that it’s just this individual becomes so toxic and detrimental to others they don’t see how they are the problem to their own problems. Now being a person who has experience an unhealthy amount of pain I know that it can take a toll you.
It can cause you to isolate and push people away who genuinely care about you. It can make you reckless especially if you are tired of being a victim. And being the person who has been on both sides of the track I have learned when it times to walk away from the one you want to heal. In this game you learn really quickly it isn’t your job to fix anyone it’s their job to be willing accept the help no mater how bad you want it for them. But the one who always seem to be more malignant after experiencing traumatic experiences is the thrill seeker. The one that can’t be told no its like watching someone die a million deaths until they finally realize they are their demise.
When there is no one to blame they’ll soon realize all they have left is the pain that pushes everyone to the side. And in most case, I noticed that the only thing that keeps them comforted for a long period of time is drugs and sex. Sometimes the sex only suffices until it doesn’t anymore because when you wake up and see who your lying beside you’ll be hit with the why am I here again. Not you being somewhere you don’t want to be but your soul being meshed with the one who doesn’t know you. I have watched someone create a world wind of chaos over and over again until they hate themselves. The guilt that resides in their bones exist not because they’ve hurt you.
It because they’ve finally hurt themselves and in order for them not to show emotions, they go down the same malignant path of torment and pain until it hurts again. It’s like watching a suicidal person take a blade to their arm while wishing to die but hoping to live each day. It’s crazy how we think our love can transmute the pain a person feels until we don’t have it for ourselves anymore. Now again pain is pain, and some people just learn that a little too late. That pain will always be pain. Its funny how we live our life each day not wanting to feel nothing but happiness even its at someone else’s expense. How narcissistically it is to ask of such but we’re perfectly flawed humans right?
But the thing I noticed with the thrill seeker is that they aren’t chasing death they are chasing the chance to conquer a demon that only resides in them. It isn’t a monster externally that they can devour and if they do, it is a falsehood that come with that. I said in a post a long time that we need to stop creating victims and raise more superheroes. Superheroes who like to teach and are comfortable in their power, so they won’t feel threatened by those who carry such strength as well. Starting from being child all the way up in their adulthood.
The thrill seeker no longer identifies with humanity it is with self and when the self isn’t identified or accepted it can cause storms even in the most inhumane way. That even the strongest of God’s will have its time cut out for them to smite this demon down or out of them. It’s funny how the human body works, and one little old emotion can hold so much power over the mind, body, spirit, and the soul. Sometimes we are the remedy to our own suffering, and I say that word sometimes lightly. That the emotions we feel constantly can stop us from seeing life as so colorful, bright, meek, and full of light. Because when darkness invades the body, there are some who only seek it to place it upon others because that’s all they feel.
Misery loves company but for how long is the question I ask. A sad soul desires love but is too afraid it will ruin it or focuses its time upon the love they haven’t been given by others. A dark soul seeks steal light from others by creating more darkness in more people. If there is no light, how will I know what hope is if I’m to focused on battling hurdles. And the unknown sense of a soul walks many paths before it finds its destiny. Sometimes the battles people fight isn’t yours to know but you also don’t have to cause more problems. In the words of my grandma a fool gone always be a fool. I never understood that term, but it took many years to learn this when I’ve seen my frenemies suffer at the hands of, they own fate.
It’s quite ribbitting in my Rebecca voice but at the same time it’s a part of the path they chose to take. Sometimes you have to recognize is helping them gone help you or hurt you? So, when you see someone being different or out of character sometimes its best in the old folks saying is to say less. Because if you ain’t got nothing nice to say don’t say nothing at all and learn to keep your mouth off people in the words of me. IF YOU WEREN’T BUSY TALKING ABOUT ME YOU WOULDN’T HAVE NONE OF MY PROBLEMS! -BONNIE
That's a motto I live by daily..