Lately it seems like I have been in a frenzy when it come to balancing out maternal energy with me and others. For those of you that aren’t familiar with that term it is a term used for describing the energy women have and give off. Even though as divine beings’ men have feminine energy too. But this isn’t about men it’s about women.
When the new year came around, I posted in a blog a while ago about maternal energy taking a hit. A hit in the way that exposes how we handle each other, ourselves, and how we allow others to treat us. If you read the interracial dating blog, you have seen how women since the beginning of time have been taught to put themselves last. And no, I’m not talking about the new age feminism but how we emotionally take care of ourselves.
Since this is a number two year, it is all about balance, peace, and harmonious relationships but in order to have those type of connections the bad has to be purged out or exposed. When I say the word expose, I don’t mean you outing someone on social media and jumping on bandwagons to hate your fellow peers. I mean doing some soul work and understanding what it means to be you.
Lately I have had some challenges with women and some not so nice but on other hand it was mere projection. I say all that the time that women treat other women how their mothers or elders have treated them. Women on the other hand are always fighting to be in a position of levelheaded, calm, and seeming to be soft that they we forget to be us. I mean what is it to be woman?
Truly I ask with pure confusion on my face because the old don’t work for me all the way and the new age feminism I can’t get jiggy with. So, where does that leave me in the middle or daring to be different outside of my comfort zone. I mean it took me quite some time to recognize that working on me wasn’t going to come over night, but I have always been a firm believer of you don’t deserve my pain.
I mean that might have been the reason why I went through a series of lack of awareness, fearing to be free in my skin, and searching for myself in world things. Out all of them I am still vain and materialistic hey a girl likes what she likes. But when it came to being emotional accountable, sharing my weakness with others, and feeling that room of emotional freedom is where life seemed to take a toll on me.
Everybody is always on the love and light and let me tell you when you’re going through a dark night nothing about love and light seems to be pretty. You just want to push it away and run away from the pain and there I was in 2014 a young girl looking for more out life. Making the same mistakes I had already learned from in the previously years before. You know the old saying once shy twice bitten. I think I got it right.
If not, I think it’s kinda like the term fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times then I must be a damn fool. And let’s just say I wasn’t trying to give it a round three if you know what I mean. But when I was at my lowest, I looked at all the people I had pushed away. They weren’t no good anyway, other people warned me but still I was emotionally dumb as a box of rocks. I mean in the time of my hurt I told you, I met that man who we shall not name.
Who was a narcissist and covert one at that, so it was hard for other to see his tricks and games. So, when I needed emotional support from my fellow women who were colonized and under the spell of patriarchy, they lacked empathy. On paper he was a good man but in my life that man was hell and brung me years of pain. That I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
It was like I was seeking a hug and I’m not a hugger and a place to cry but those people only still to this day side with my abuser. I mean it was tough but because women don’t want to see black men fail, they will blatantly fall for the okie doke and charades men play. I seen women who fell for his shenanigans and lies my own mother believe every mental illness this man has placed on me.
Boy when I tell you this rodeo with healing my maternal energy had sucked for a long time in my life. See I was emotionally numb because of life, hurt, and societal standards that are placed on women. I found myself being more hurt than anything I wanted to just run away, but with my ancestors hovering over me like NO THE HELL YOU AIN’T! Was the push that I needed.
Because at one point I thought he had so much power over me the lies he told, the half truths he spoke, the gaslighting, and manipulating acts he pulled. Child, I thought that this was how life was supposed to be at one point. I kept asking myself what did I do to deserve this type of treatment? PATHOLOGY I TELL YOU! But on the flipside of operating from my hurt it also taught me that women only do what they see men do.
w some may be to argue but I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care. I told yall that men are the most influential creatures that walk this earth and how that power can be used for good. When women are the influencee’s and that is not to take away from a women’s power. Ask yourself before you started to care about your female body part and how you take care of them who and why they taught you this? Naturally, you would say a mom, aunt, cousin, sister but why did they tell you this?
Because of a man that’s why! See back in the day women didn’t have rights to work, speak, and provide so they had to submit to the art of man. It was the way society switched roles from slavery and placed it upon women. You know why I hate them term Queen when someone calls me that because those women of the Egyptian time had to shut up and look pretty and do as the man says. Even if he was so wrong.
This is why men are so tyrannical and can’t heed advice until it hits a area in his life that exposes his true weakness. Where women can reign and dominate from narcissistic approach to leave him relying on her. And that is the game we women play with each other. We get mad when our fellow peer supersedes us in area we do not, we hate the fact a way a man loves her, because of the way we date men who hate us. We steal from each other shine because we’ve never been taught to shine on our own.
We too have placed under the rules to follow our mother’s footsteps even if that means harboring pain from ages ago and thinking having trust issues is cute. This is why we think it is okay to gossip, lie, and talk about each other behind our back is cute because we’ve seen men do this to women. Especially when a man can’t have his way he goes off and bad mouth everything that has feminine energy in his life. Leaving you to question your self-worth and adjust to become something you are not to please a man.
Taking on this concept and placing it on every woman in your life. We do not teach each other how to heal we teach other how to condemn. We judge each other so harshly by the clothes we wear, the men we sleep with, the money we make, the kids we have, and last but least how we speak.
When I attended hair school for the last time, I noticed how women would try to trump each other’s pain. Meaning if one got cheated on another would tell a story so horrible that the sympathy would switch back to them. Leaving people to be emotionally abused by the hurt she has experienced. Hair school by far is one the most horrible experiences too much estrogen and not enough testosterone.
But it left me confused still in my shell and not wanting to make friends because the way they would throw up each other’s pain in their face and call each other friends was disgusting. I mean that was traumatizing as hell for me as child to go through that with my mama. She broke my trust early as hell though. So, I vowed early to keep all my secrets safe with me even if life was tearing me TF apart.
But it also left room for fact that women over the ages of time have been groomed into fighting so hard for male attention that we do this amongst other women. It sucks but its true. This isn’t to take away from the male disposition but to add light onto why we fight for that approval. I mean yeah, we do have friends, cousins, sisters, moms, and family who do too much. But that shouldn’t grant you the room to do as such to others.
I mean you never know what a person is going through behind close doors. I mean we women are all we got if you a got man or lady lover shup up we ain’t talking about them. It hurts no one to be nice with no strings attached. It hurts no one to listen and also it hurts no one to stand up for fellow feminine. Correct me in private but don’t humiliate someone for the same mistakes you make behind closed doors.
LOVE AND LIGHT! LOL :-)
IF I TAKE AWAY TWO THEN I HAVE TO GIVE YOU ONE. - MARSHA BRADY