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The Idea of a Persona

Being turned off by personality traits your parents have is real. The way you were raised can dictate the way you will you operate in life an in love if you let it. That’s a challenge that most rarely seem to overcome until they fall in love and recognize that it requires you to go deeper into who you were and into who they are to access the reasons why you love what you love. Dating is the theme for last couple days of July I told you guys the narrative is going to be switching a lot.

Now the only reason this topic came up because in a lot of my readings some people were doing inner child work, trying to reconnect with a parent, or going through disagreements with partners. The key denominator was maternal experiences they were having. Masculine energies were having trouble with accepting and giving love outside of sex, money, and materials. Feminine energies finding a balance between taking on too much until they explode.

For people who are single/dating they were overly picky, uncommittable, and just down right to controlling and that is not what love is. Some people are so focused on getting a baby, marriage, or staying/moving in with a partner that they are missing vital signs about the person they are dating. Now some people aren’t dating horrible individuals, some were just doing the same things they have did in love. That landed them in the positions of their last relationships that may have ended abruptly or down right confusion.

Rolling out of Cancer season where family issues where highlighted times ten was pretty aggravating to me. Now pushing towards Leo season watch the battle royal begin. I mean this August energy is going to be the beginning of COVID-19 all over again because some people are so ready to do them and walk in their truth that some people haven’t even been vetted yet for healing. But enough of that lets get into the message.

PARENTAL ADVISORY:

· How do you feel about your parents and views on relationships? Do they opinion matter about the person you are dating? Where do your values lie when it comes to family? Most people chose their current partners based off their parental upbringing. Yall heard me say my grandma was old school she believes that men could be subdued by food, sex, and shit load of feminine energy. Ugh, that works till this day but that won’t make a relationship healthy. You can have the best ass in the world and the best cooking skills if he doesn’t want to be kept chile he ain’t gone be kept.

But seeing my aunts and uncles run with this narrative and seeing how they tainted the bloodline and scarred they kids whew chile a mess is what I call it. As a child being raised and groomed for men and not being taught the world and my needs created a lot of bitter wives and some cheating ass old men. I dare to say that is the truth.

Growing up I really didn’t care if a man didn’t have no money because I knew I was gone make some shake. The men who had all the money acted like little boys who were power starved and thought being controlling was cute. You could never be you. I watched girls turn themselves into everything a man needs physically needs only for him to choose the complete opposite of you. Disgusting right it is. I used to hate that shit it made my blood boil because again a woman that was stuck putting her life back together after trying to be everything a man could’ve wanted.

Now if you ask me this day and age a man with a job, career, or a skill is my go-to. That ride or die stage have left the building because if that man doesn’t know where he is going and who he is baby your fina go through the ringer. But that hood love something though them niggas be so accepting and so loveable once you get pass them barriers though. I ain’t got time for that okay.

But seeing how all those things I needed for me outside of what society and my family was forcing on me I realized that being broke ain’t cute. That’s the number one starter for arguments, cheatings, fighting, and disagreements. Lack of financial planning and living above your means will bring you to a humbling so quick you never felt in your life.

When your young and fascinated with the idea of being free and in love your dare to think about all the things that matter in life. You just want someone who is willing to accept you for who you are even if you are a mess. You don’t want a partner that’s always on your ass to be better because your young you want to live and experience life.

You want the friendships that inner child connection when you were younger to know how it was to be blissfully free. Not a care in this world. The older I got I didn’t give a damn what a person had I wanted what I wanted with no regards of how anyone else felt. I didn’t care bout the emotional blow back of person saying they loved me because if I didn’t love them why would I take the time to play those games with you. That’s cruel.

I watched my parents work jobs long days and night to provide way above our means only for me to date down because they were like the guys I dated too controlling. Because when you got money you can change the narrative at least that’s you think. They were mad controlling and all my folks were like this with their children this why they were bad as hell when they are younger because we wanted to be free.

Them 50-80 babies lived life through their fears so they restricted they kids from the world thinking we would never see or experience life like they had. I mean I dated guys who parents suffered from drug abuse only to date my ass and complain about I don’t like you smoking weed MARSHAE! They never stopped to ask why they always through a hissy fit and said this isn’t lady like.

Like dude seriously I’m emotional numb, people get on my nerves, and I have a hot temper I think you should let me smoke this weed in peace. I mean healing want on the market for me at this time. I watched women groom their sons to be the man they needed and get mad when they can’t find love because nobody wants your husband. AHT AHT AHTT

I watched women forced their daughter to be overly independent because they lacked masculine support or a village to help them in life. Wondering why God put in them relationships with men who abused them to break them down emotionally because they their daughter so tough.

I watched women taint good men because he wasn’t the father she had growing up, so having a man who’s supportive, caring, and understanding wasn’t her style because her father was absent. I watched men dog out the good girl because his mother wasn’t, she wasn’t so loving because majority of the days she had to chase his father or a man to get him to stay. I watched men chase the Jezebel’s because the girl that covers up, he thought she wasn’t a freak in the sheets.

I watched men who judge women for being an ain’t shit parent while he has those same kinfolks and siblings who do the same shit. I bet he won’t say, that to them. He’ll just smile and grin at the cookout and shake his head but demonize the women for not accepting his intolerable behaviors.

I watched men/women stay in relationship with their baby mamas/ baby daddies because they didn’t want their child to be raised in broken home. Only to recognize they soul was the broken home. I watched family judge each other and demonize personality traits their lover has and shun them because they don’t even know how to address the pain someone has caused them in their life. Making it so unreasonable for someone to love them only to say somebody gave up on them.

I have watched, I have watched, I have watched how we dog each other because we don’t fit in to our societal norm of a world. The world that we have created in our heads from the time we have been on this earthly plane. Even a negative person has a euphoric[ML1] type space in their head it’s just getting them to get there.

See cancer season wasn’t just rough it highlighted the things I jotted down in my journal[ML2] from 2015 and up. I watched people create their own sense of drama and be quite confuse on how to heal it. Because the chaos ran so deep that it didn’t just affect them it affected others as well. I watched people through this whole COVID mess complain demonize and people for shit they was uncomfortable doing with themselves.

Cancer season really sat my ass down and knocked the wind back into me because it showed me how I didn’t love me properly. How in 2014 I was looking for love in all the wrong places. That I had to break me to find it within me to be able to see out in the world. Sometimes your reality needs to be shaken up just see the snowflakes fall from the sky. Whether it be your tears, your pain, or the sun just capturing those moments and self-reflecting made me for accepting of a lot things I used to demonize.

I LOVE YOU!!



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