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Technical Difficulties

Life sure does have a way of continuing to keep moving when it seems like you just cant seem to catch a break. This whole week I so focused on getting a blog out and rushing for my computer to get here that I failed to recognize even if it was here I was tired. I forget my own motto to work when you don't want to not when your tired. An baby I was just that. This quarantine is throwing off my sleeping schedule so, dealing with the minor aggravations I have just about done everything for a week straight. I haven't been this ungrounded since 2014 and boy was I all over the place. I'm usually a beat to my own drum type of person so you can find me going left when I'm suppose to be going right just for the thrill of it. But, this wasn't that when I find myself usually stressed out I'm painting or doing something creative for the hell of it. It's soothing for me but, this time it wasn't. When this hold COVID-19 hit everybody was in a panic and it was kind of annoying. Seriously, it was and I have my fair share of annoying moments.


People were looking for a place to stay energically. I had mentioned about a lady doing a tarot reading on the narcissism traits and actual narcissist are suffering and boy did they come in like a heat wave. My patience was in all time demand for people, places, and things. Chile, they give school shooter teas how bad they was working my nerves. Social media became dry so people were looking for things to keep thing entertained and that rush of pushing out blogs was burdensome. Keep in mind I'm unfortunately in another project that is very time consuming and I'm getting out of it pretty soon. It wasn't my mines to begin with it and honestly it doesn't leave room for me to grow. I'm a social butterfly in other words a hoe so, me having less obligations its kind of my thing. Over there people feel as if my life doesn't matter and they cross boundaries on a day to day basis. So, me having to remind them and place a consequence in actions is tiring dealing adults.


But, it has its quirks and perks at times it's like that one friend that comes into your life an causes havoc all the time and say but, did you die though. An on the wrong day it can actually be damaging to your life chain of events so, for me I'm saying good ridden's it served it purpose. The project just shows I'm not respected I'm tolerated as well I with others and my time has ran up. I have no hard feelings but, when the environment isn't loving and repetitive that's my cue to go. When I didn't know who I was it was actually okay to put up with less than I deserve because what I didn't know didn't hurt me. So, when this whole thing hit it just inflamed old traits in people and situations to show me haven't I had enough. I seen people who knew I wouldn't eat jean jacket for if God/Divine told me to reaching energically. I mean people souls were looking for a place to be,church closed down so those who throw around their jezebel spirt and Judas spirit had no place fake it.


When being in a project were your team doesn't respect you it creates a narrative for other people to feel as such. I'm not saying I am a God but, damn human decency please. Then people have the audacity for me to extend it right back to them. It's unfair because those who seek help or assistance are pushed to the back because of unimportant things and that's how people did me. An that's unfair for one bad apple to ruin a whole tree while I'm doing maintenance work on me and my life in the process. I'm not perfect. I'm human I grow with others as they grow with me and people fail to recognize this. I don't want to ever be in position were I stop learning because how will I teach. This quarantine taught me it's some areas I forgot about like stepping up my magic skills even if I find it takes me time. An also no matter how much those people who claim to hate you, they low key need you. he test comes in when your unwilling to do right by them when you can politely say no. I forgot all about my no. No doesn't mean never it's just a pausing moment for me to honor myself and I'm grateful.


Each experience makes me who I am but, my reaction strengthens the person who I am to become. -Marshae Lane




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