Taking your power back can be tricky when your focused on forcing yourself to be happy with uncomfortable circumstances. I mean when you place your worth in the hands of others to determine your healing it can be damaging to your overall human existence. So many people find themselves stuck in trying to show someone their value or they’ve changed that they rarely get to appreciate it themselves. I was there and it was terrible after the whole anxiety episodes for 2 years straight it was like I had the burden of trying to show people to look at me I’ve changed. Only to be dismissed and place myself on the chop and block to feel way more less valuable than I should. I always said I knew who I was, but did I truly know my worth?
This kept me confined in places and regret because all I kept thinking about was, who I was to these people and why they opinion mattered so much to me. I guess for me they finally seen the strong be weak well not weak but vulnerable for once. For them to have a reason to connect to me, to understand me, and see I am human, but when pride is the only thing being served on the menu people sometimes push their emotional eye to the back. Causing them to be blind to things that they understand. I got up this morning with fire in my bones I don’t know if it was because I was hungry, or I had to get my message across while the passion is burning hot. But after the conversation we had last night I felt it was more left that was unsaid.
When you’re on a path to change sometimes we can self-reflect a little too much and depending on who or what you are entertaining it can be damaging to your life cycle. When your so focused on the past with a need to grip tightly it can keep you being bound to hurt, hurtful experiences, and hurtful emotions. Depending on if you were the aggressor you can become comfortable with your ways until life puts you in an uncomfortable position to face your mess. Meanwhile if you are the offended and people who have hurt you, you can develop a resistance to stand up for yourself. Now, I’m not talking about you fighting, cursing, or protecting yourself from harm but you releasing the burden of the past and to let people go who mirror those experiences. Without you having to be hurt to have a definitive reason to move on.
See most of the times trauma felt victims be so focused on trying to gain control over their physical environments that they lack control over their mind, and emotions. It’s like this oppressive power exchange is still lingering from the hurt you have carried for the time being. When people who have hurt you what is your first response? Is it why? Do you go to reasoning and blame that you forget about you? The human body is powerful especially when your reflexes work. If you fall what do you do, you get up. But when your emotionally wounded and living in a carnal mind we replace emotions for resilience leaving you to speed past pain and to physically get back up. This is why so many of the nouns hold power of you versus you having power over you and I’m not talking about a job, money, kids, lovers, and materials. I’m talking about the pain you keep silent but on repeat allowing you to abuse yourself and others around you.
When you take your power back you go and get all those things that you don’t like even it’s ugly because that made you, it valued you at one time. I didn’t say keep it hostage but I said get it back so you can learn from it. So, you can create new boundaries and alignments for yourself. So, when your uncomfortable with something you want fear upsetting the masses but fear upsetting yourself because it hurts when you’re riding for something than standing for nothing.
So, when your taking your power back don’t be so focused like how I was trying to show somebody I’m different because when I kept failing them it was because I didn’t belong there anymore. I was speeding past parts of me only to physically look like I healed when I was actually emotionally damaged from my own pain. Shedding tears don’t mean you releasing it, it means it hurts so what you are you going to do about it. Are your going to be the remedy to your sorrow and hurt all over again or you’re going to get honest and understand why it hurts and what expectations you had for and from it. So, go and get those pieces of you that you need back that you find no value in by giving them away to people who only mirror that experience. So, when you ready to take your power back make sure all your bags is packed so when its time to hand them off you want be stuck running through airport(your mind, body, and soul) looking for your baggage and about to miss your flight.
The road to recovery sometimes leads you to a place where you have to ready for someone to see that rawness of you.