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Sometimes They Do Got You Messed Up

After finishing Virgin River child, it has been confirmed that my life is a mess. I have unwarranted things going on at this time. After watching the show, I thought to myself damn they really do get along. It wasn’t the typical long drawn-out betrayals, falling out with friends, and letting the chaos and drama linger in the air. It was either we fix it or we don’t or I go on by my way. Which I like because outside of the constant drama and negativity people act as if you cannot have peace the older you get. Now in the beginning I wasn’t featuring the old women gossiping because either you're going to help a person or just beat them down. And child those old women would get mad if they can’t help you. Because being in a small town with people coming and going and throw in a little age you start to need something to do.

Unlike this mess that people call themselves doing. A lot of messages came across to me how we try to keep repairing relationships that are so gun-ho on people being who they are while you have to adjust to their personality. A lot of the collective is going through this at the moment because some people where never taught proper boundaries and how to respect them. If you have watched the tv show you have seen their disagreements and conflicts they have had over the season. You see them take into account how they have an impact on each other and sometimes their codependent ways cause problems when they try to handle things on their own. They forget they are a team at times because sometimes when you have people who are always of assistance to you, you tend to feel guilty about using them.

I mean that is what any normal empathic person would do. You would see the withdraw, the need to decompress, and have a moment alone by yourself. Which is normal for every human to have. Have you ever heard of the word sensory overload? It isn't someone's job to constantly put with nuances, drama, problem solving, and allowing people to disregard how they feel all the time. I mean that is the reason why people go be by themselves to rid themselves of the drama or seek solace else paces. It isn’t this narcisssitic emotional overloading of people's spaces all the time. I don’t even see how many people solve their problems if you're so busy repeating, recreating them, and projecting them all the time. When do you ever self-reflect, isolate, or feel any emotions other than yours?

Some people just make things worse because if you can’t solve the issue the least you could do is contain it in a better way. Like for as not projecting onto to others what you expect from them meanwhile people have to go through loopholes to cater to your needs when they barely get what it is that they need out of it. I mean when I sign up for something or decide to help someone out, I'm all in until I see I'm no longer needed or being taken advantage of. Nothing is free in this world so when you see someone take time out their day to cater to you that shouldn’t be something that is undervalued. Everybody doesn’t have big money to burn and I don’t just solicit my services to celebrities or just because you have a blue check. These views come from people who are stay at homes moms/dads, mom and pop owners, customer service workers, dope boys, prostitutes, mother, fathers, cousins, siblings, and every essential even down to a warehouse worker.

Everything isn't about being famous or the need to be liked I just like my job, my calling, and my human experience so I don’t like those who add aggravations and drama all the time. This isn't a tv a show with a board full of writers seeking to whew the audience with your constant drama. This is my reality and I choose what I make of it. Not some constant state of pain and endless cycles of washed-up gossip that should’ve died years ago. Life is supposed to be about freedom and being able to make your decisions whether I decided to fail or win. I didn’t ask for the constant need for pushes because you are too scared to live up to your own expectations. Phuck Yo Anxiety is my community yeah, we talk to each other crazy by our language but the love be genuine.

We don’t care to hurt each other over again and over again and call it LOVE. No, we make strides and dare to change our own world to try to shed this matrix as much as we can. And those who don’t want to are perfectly fine because we don’t have to deal with them. I don’t know how y’all clique get down where you allow each other to treat each other shitty, blackmail each other, pretend to be friends, and kiss and make up but you can save all that. Nobody has time to keep rehealing from wounds that didn’t create in the first damn place. I mean some people can read and if they can't they can hear, they got other ways of receiving a message. I don’t know why it seems as if lately I have constantly repeated myself and being ignored like I don’t matter. To be constantly hit with the you matter, that is bullshit.

That is piss poor mental health management and the common starter for depression, stress, health issues, and other mental health issues. I would like to add that I am not a healer for any medical issues I don’t want to consume or take own any of your health issues. I will gladly return that energy back to you that isn’t what my spiritual wealth is for nether should be yours. Stop allowing people to play in your energy field to the point of a burn out and causing other health issues for you on down the line. They know what they doing let them stop playing with you. If they need a healer go seek out an herbalist or someone with a medical degree that practices holistic healing. It is not someone job to take on everybody’s energy and allow people to physically and spiritually abuse them. I say all the time I see why root workers be putting roots on y’all.

Because some people be out line and way out of pocket for the shit they be doing and trying to place a bow on it and call it an apology. You may ask how I got here it’s because I was watching the show and thought to myself about the people who say they respect, love me, or adore me but constantly violate my peace. As if I am a mother with a flock of children and I am to tend to their needs 24/7 with the belief that this is what my life supposed to be like. Every time I turn around either someone who did something to somebody either snitching and trying to come back and be cool. Like you suppose to laugh the disrespect off like you didn’t catch it the first time. When you spoke up about what was bothering you and no one decided to listen. Or when you called them out and they purposely ignored you and lied and said you were the problem.

Or when people blamed for other people's mistakes because you have a bad attitude but not when you're doing your job. Or how it easy it is for someone to play someone else's existence like they have no consequences for they own actions. Or the need for you to dumb yourself down because it threatens who they really are. And my favorite one the lack of value you mean to them because you don’t have a great significance to them. I just find it funny how people have been trying to brainwash people into believing what is love, family, friends, and support these days. When it is the complete opposite hate, envious, gluttony, folly, dislike, despise, distaste, and hostility.

I mean if someone wants you their going to put in the work for it. If someone want to fix something they're going to do so by trying to acknowledge and honor you or their feelings. It may take time but in that time, you aren’t going to see them do the same things to hurt you over and over again. That isn’t change that is malicious intent and you are trying to get someone to be accustom to your level of love and emotional expression. I mean how hard is it to stop doing something to someone that you know is going to be a problem. Why can’t you just leave them the hell alone they were fine before they met you so why do they need you around when all you do is bring drama and chaos.

Go find solace elsewhere I seen a comment on YouTube that said go outside and touch some grass I’m going to start telling people that because this social media shit has people lost ass hell. I promise COVID made some people to comfortable because I don’t care if your high on the totem pole or as low as ever you shouldn’t have to constantly repeat yourself to people. You can always move on but your voice still matters don’t ever forget that.

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