What do the lonely do on Christmas? Politely turns down music, ain’t shit playing I’m just setting the scene in my head. Because child, let me tell you somethings gotta go and something gotta give.
First of all, I started to write this and be all sassy but I said to myself the love of my life might be reading this and I don’t need him saying what do you mean. Sir, go to hell! Now let’s get back on subject. Do people even ask do you want to date, to be your boyfriend, or girlfriend anymore.
Call me childish but at this point I’m about to slide a piece of paper and say do you like me yes or no and turn around and say do you want to go together. Because baby this not communicating what you want but expecting somebody to be a mind reader is getting on my nerves. I be seeing the poor little tink tinks on social media stressing themselves out about a relationship. And I say to myself do y’all even go together. And don’t be trying to run with this narrative if you a p****y bandit or d**k bandit.
Y’all know y’all got a thang for Netflix and chilling and calling it relationship. Well, baby let me tell you something if we just having sex, we aren’t in a relationship! No, that doesn’t mean I want to go off and have sex with someone else but I also don’t want to be sexually bound to you. Like we can’t explore the world and each other. I mean we don’t have to be on that let me know your deep darkest secrets but damn common gestures and bonding outside of sex ain’t a thing no more. I get it you meet certain people and the flames are instant that the relationship starts so fast and just so it happens you’re in love.
While for others they do this thing hoping that love catches up to them and before they realize it the other person is already in love with them. Leaving people with unresolved feelings and unmatched desires. I get it we grown and having sex is a part of human nature. “HMM, I GUESS”!
But what I don’t understand is how people take this narrative of sex a little far. Like, if you catch feeling easy why don’t you put yourself in a position to understand your type and go after them so the love can be easy for you.
Instead of falling for the emotional unavailable people who hurt you and leaves you loveless until someone comes along and revive you. And let’s just hope that in the process of someone that is trying to put a light back into your life, that they don’t burn themselves out because you don’t appreciate their efforts. We now live in a world where can talk about sex and our childhood wounding out loud to the world but what about to the one, we love. I mean social media is a buffer we all get on there to be something we are not 24/7.
And by that I mean I social able, funny, pretty, artistic, caring, and different right. But that doesn’t mean that we aren’t those people 24/7. You wanna know why because we’re human we change and grow each and every day even if we don’t notice it. So, the whole sex on demand to replace communication, dates, times, and affection is blatantly bullsh*** to me. I mean because who’s to say that you don’t need something else from that person. It’s not always money sometimes its showing interest in the things you like.
Being attentive, learning the things that interest you without them using it to manipulate you, to show up on your bad days even when you don’t want them to, someone who’s a team mate, and know how to play the game.
But how will you get there if all you do is have sex? Now me and America has had this conversation where I said I liked emotional available people at one point in my life. The older I got I seen how quickly that was a vague excuse for me to keep the distance between me and myself.
So, by the time I actually fell in love which was years ago I was willing to go beyond to show him I loved him. Because after all that running I did it was that I actually craved for. After that relationship it taught me how to love myself just a little better and know how to be selfish with me in a non-selfish way. I knew what to give when to give without making someone feel like they had to fight for my love. Because the emotionally bruised and unavailable route I had mapped out in my heart and mind road was so easy to travel. That I once got tired of going that way.
But I also seen what was love and the elements of it for other people. It wasn’t in a materialistic way, sex way, and the love language style. It was genuine acceptance. I had thing for standing out whether I was loud, wrong, and rude. But I also learned the nature of knowing when to blend in. Because in the physiology aspect acceptance is one of the major tools people struggle with in their human existence. Because like the old African proverb a child that is not embraced will burn down the village to feel its warmth.
And o by being a Scorpio I have burned several bridges in my life and self sabotaged a lot of connections. But it also taught me that in order to give love I had to learn to receive it, but when you struggle with acceptance do you really receive the things you need. And it hit me that the only times I was flustered in my personal connections was the fact I didn’t allow people to accept me for who I was. Without going into the boisterous, loud, and alpha energy. That it taught me that I am human too because when you can be vulnerable enough with yourself and use that strength, we show externally its make magic happen internally.
So, the next time you get caught up on the idea of love and wondering why it’s not knocking on your door ask yourself do you even notice it when it’s not coming from the ones we don’t like or love.
"Remember love don’t reside outside of you it’s always been in you" -Bonnie
P.S. Lookup the Swan animal totem I know you up late looking crazy anyway. Goggle is free. Signing out.
Just Another Bad B***h Walking….