Single and Dating
Is their a heart in the house tonight? We have a reached a time in life where people are longing for a human connection that goes beyond sex. You ask me we living in the eras of 80's when everybody was just having meaningless sex, making babies, using drugs, and getting married. I mean look around you see it on social media 24/7. The difference is our ancestors had no choice but too stick together through struggle and racial oppression. So, the meaning of black relationships hold no value especially when you add in the patriarchy of men, women being shunned into submission, and children forced to live the life their parents wanted them to have. I mean who really has the time to get to know someone and love them when we're all to focused on superficial things. I mean what is wife and husband material? I know what it is, I'm saying what is it for you? You have people checking off categories that don't apply to them when their lifetime partner may not be into the things your forcing yourselves too become. I mean think about it, the love your longing for is inside of you and your too afraid to access it because you rarely believe that someone is willing to accept it and return it back to you unharmed.
Honestly for some people it takes a shit load of soul work to be open to love and some people don't have time because it forces a vulnerability that most aren't capable of. So, they'll rather settle in something that feels good for the moment versus actually finding the one or letting them find them. You know those relationships were you can't figure out where its going but, your just so bored and lonely that you'll bite if it seasoned right. Leaving you to feel shattered when either one you decides that their something better out there and now your forced to go elsewhere with the same baggage. Unwillingly to leave the past in the past, you treat your next person as if they're person that hurt you making them fight for your love. When you could've had a moment to self reflect on the reality of the situation so, you wont make it so hard on yourself and next person. Lets gone get in the work you can do before you decide to get out there and date!
RECOUPING FROM PAST RELATIONSHIPS: Leaving the past in the past isn't something that't easy to do especially when that's your favorite place to be. The future will always be in competition with what you have experience because you let the unknown keep you from a new you. When breakups happen, I've notice partners aren't willing to admit their mistakes so easily. They go into the martyr vs villain mode. Meaning I vilify the person I loved or dated because it makes me feel good narcissists do this, but we all have some degree of narcissism in us. We think it eases the pain to make a person seem like the bad guy because it takes the pressure off you being able to deal with your own emotions. The martyr the alleged person who claims everything they did was so good. They couldn't see they're own wrongs because they're heads are so far in the clouds it's hard to force them to see reality. The only way they could see their wrongs is by doing the same to them and that's when you give your power away. Most people don't want to cry, to hurt, so they force themselves into things whether it be people, places, or etc. After each failed attempt at dating/relationships and depending on the length of the relationship. I think we all should take three months off for healing and not sulking.
EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY: A lot of people aren't honest about the things they desire in live. Some people repeat things because they have yet to form their own reality. They don't repeat things because it's what they've learned it's because it sounds good. Expectations can be your biggest downfalls in life. Relationships can be business situations, but love isn't like when you're going to a famous stylist to slay your hair. That person has made it their mission to be the best because of the competition and to make their money. Love and dating do not hit in those categories. Most of us are carnal individuals and majority of men can understand this by dating people who look good on the outside versus being a good person on the inside. Beauty fades and one day that penis will stop working, that juice box gone dry up, and the meat on your bones is going to sag. So, who is willing to accept you when your not so beautiful and you don't meet the eurocentric idea of beautiful, fine, sexy, and cute. Whose willing to accept the fact that you don't have it all together and you're trying? Whose willing to be patient with you without you abusing their patience and draining them in the process? Can you be this? Are you actually prepared for what you asking for?
STANDARDS VS LOVE: Sometimes your standards are the reason you're single. I've heard men/women state they're standards like they're latest IKEA project. Then they wonder why people become possessive over them or their so possessive. Most women wouldn't know a good man standing in their face as well as man with a woman. Standards usually fall into the category of physical and labor appearance. Anybody over the age of 18 has to have some source of income to live in America. I know most people don't but some of y'all are mean't to date these people so, you can learn a thing or too. Especially to lighten up, get off your high horse, and stand on your principles instead of trying to make people obey you when you don't abide by your own rules. Life is funny. My ex used to tell me all the time, "Tell God your plans and watch him laugh". Funny how somewhat he was right, but I still wanted to fight fight.
OPPORTUNITY VS BIAS: Some of y'all wouldn't give somebody a chance because you're still holding on to how somebody you liked didn't give you a chance. TRUE STORY! Women fail to recolonize that its better for a man to like you more than you actually like him. In a not crazy psycho way, and also men have to recognize when he's wasting his power on a thrill seeking moment. (insert) I wonder do the gays get tired of hearing about their friends heterosexual relationships? We all have our personal preference, HELL I don't like light skinned men, but I'm open enough to say if the love of my life was light skinned I wouldn't reject him. People let their friends horror story about their past relationships affect their dating lives. Folks just be miserable an be wanting somebody to love, but just scared. I always say this MEN have become so lazy when it comes to dating. They're natural hunters and animalistic beings so, they have to be willing to go for what they know. WOMEN are the best hunters in the pride land because men are can be boastful, cocky, and arrogant leaving them to be emotional wounded. That the WOMEN this day and age are okay with chasing a man. BABY CATS DON'T CHASE DOGS.
LOVE LANGUAGE: Do you know your love language? Is it financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? Most of the time we find ourselves loving somebody the way we want to be loved that we don't actually state how we want to be loved. Finding out the way somebody wants to be loved can be hard because love is a selfless act and we're taught to love people the way they we want to be loved. Revert back to martyr vs villain. Learning your love language can put you in a position to make better choices while dating and take you out the mind frame of being selfish in relationships. Men rarely know how to accept love because they're to focused on being the all AMERICAN BOY. Leaving them to replace love for materials and not allowing another woman to love him other than his mom. GET ACTIVE! GET HONEST! DO THE WORK! LOVE IS MADE AND CONJURED IN THIS SEASON!