In my mid 20's I experienced the most fallout's. I lost friends, lovers, family, and a plethora of things. I found myself asking myself am I the problem or they're the problem? Like people who are addicted to trauma bonds I found myself seeking these same situations back out. Whether they were with the old people or the same events created with new people. All I kept saying was "can I get a break'? I was over the clubbing, fighting, the drama, the nagging, and just the lower vibrational annoyances. I wanted stability, hope, love, and functioning relationships. But, why you ask when I hadn't yet mastered myself.
Like most people I waited until we fell out to stay gone or at least give me a reason to go. I ignored the signs and would never listen to my gut about certain things or people. I would pray and wonder why is my prayers always unheard? I was to busy seeking versus finding resolutions to my issues that I prolonged my stay in certain situations and peoples lives. A TRAVESTY it was. Boy was the times going pretty fast for my slow self. Like most people when we want answers when don't care how it comes as long as it feels good you don't care. That's what kept me stuck in situations because of the emotional attachment I had for people.
Growing out of relationships is a real thing. It's like you don't vibe the same, click the same, listen, or downright care anymore. It sucks that the process can be so draining, but sometimes doing things that feel right wont feel good at all. Especially when you've been exposed to the same toxic environments and thinking patterns. Naturally, we expect people to grow with us instead of growing apart because it's painful letting something go you once loved. I mean honestly have you ever told someone you hold dear about an accomplishment of yours and you see their emotion change towards you. It's like they give you this look like things will never be same so, they shun out what you have to say because they know things are going to change. So, you find yourself doing things they want to do that you don't want to do, but you don't want to cause an uproar so you go along with the ride. If yes, then baby it's time to go. They aren't serving of you, you're serving of them.
Each person that is born is designed to have a mission in life some are meant to be the bad guys while the others are mean't to change the world. Well, not literally but just by being it. We get caught up in the cycles of our thinking, hobbies, and doing things that we never stop to take a look at what is that I want. I've noticed this a lot when most people come into fame or in their own they start to lose those closest around them. They make the process hard by choosing to hold on, that your creator has to forceful get things done. I mean making situation unbearable for you to do deal with and lessen the time you spend with those you value the most. Like most people we don't gravitate towards the people we love. We think the people who we have the most messed up memories with is the ones we love. This is when the hate starts to show and it's only for the greater good. Remember each and every person has mission and it just might be to throw you off yours. Be aware, but not so aware.
As humans we aren't taught how to love ourselves we're taught to love everything and everyone around us, but ourselves. Just think about you, your 10 years old and your parent/parents is lecturing you about how you didn't give a damn about how they worked for what they have. Reminding you they put a roof over head, food in your mouth, and clothes on your back. But, really where was you? A vessel in all those things being defined by things that can't help you make decisions for you. Now, your stuck in the mind frame of I need to be grateful for what I have versus who I am. Leaving you to gravitate towards things that like what you like, look like you, talk like you, and even dress like you that we really don't get to know who is the person behind this mask. So, now you've developed a liking for things over people when in reality you don't know how to treat people or know how to be treated by people. This is why the most hurtful souls are demanding of things they can't give. Like time, patience, kindness, and overall love.
So, we struggle with loving ourselves to move out of environments or old ways thinking because the memories keep us bound in a reality we call life. See, most people wont get you and you wont get them, but is it your job to? We take on this role of explaining ourselves to people about certain people and obligations we take on. When in reality if it's real it doesn't need to be explained. But, because we haven't mastered ourselves the questions and the guilt we carry find themselves saying excuse them, this so and so that's just how they're. When in reality you don't want to, you're tired of having to be responsible for someone else mess or someone is tired of yours. That we don't get to maximize the relationship to it's higher potential because it's burden and weighed down by what you have to put into the relationship. That you don't actually get nothing out of it. Some people don't have these issues sometimes it just naturally dissolves. While the rest of us struggle or have struggled with letting old things go because we fear the new.
Walking into anew chapter can be exciting and scary at the same time because we can't see how the situation will play out. The past is comfortable for you because you know them even it hurts so, letting go when you need to is painful because the reality of something new actually hurts. It is a new emotion that is residing in an old territory causing you to replace fear with contentment. Most people aren't believers of the Divine, God, Creation, and Goddesses. They place their results mainly in humanity living them to be riddle with strife because each human emotions vary. To have faith in something greater than you, your inner child has to be awaken an not the troublesome parts of childhood. So, in most cases your inner child can't guide you to make friends. It runs, it hides, damages connections, or try to control them because it a reflection of your life. So, the next time your deciding to let go of something with the certainty of something new I hope it's you, your looking for on the other side. To be healed, to be whole, to be loving, and caring. When you can start with you that's when the right relationships, people, friends, and opportunities can arrive for you.
How long you gone keep justifying the behaviors of someone before they actions actually hurt you?