Sadness and Grief
Child, I’m annoyed because there are so many people full of pain and doing nothing with it but hurting others and having no accountability for it. And no, I’m not talking about people who suffer with depression and anxiety because like many they try to find ways to hide their pain from others. I’m talking about the people who know they are in pain and choosing to do nothing to do about it.
It’s like how long do you let your pain dictate your future and experience life more than you. The sadness that consumes your solar plexus and causes you to not enjoy your life. The words you speak and how you feel after everything is said and done. The actions that led you to a life of sadness and regret leaving you to yearn for acceptance and love from life itself. I mean I get it I was coldhearted and aloof to a lot of things in my life and healing wasn’t on the menu. But it happened.
Healing didn’t change the way people see me it changed the way I seen life and the people I dealt with. I know mental health is normally highlighted, but a lot of people fail to recognize that their actions led to people having mental health challenges. Your pain can easily becomes someone else’s because of the way you don’t handle it. Causing stress onto other people because they confuse sympathy with empathy in matters of the heart.
A lot of people fail to recognize the major breakdowns in communication with the ones we love is because when you love someone you don’t intentionally want to harm them. But like many people they have never experienced genuine love from those who raised them. Leaving you to think that love is accepting all the bad behavior that you come with. People think love is a reason to put up with things you wouldn’t normally put up with. When it’s the complete opposite.
When we lack boundaries and an honest self-assessment, we find ourselves giving away the valuable parts of ourselves to people that don’t need it. Leaving us more empty than full of who we should be. While we try fill ourselves with the negative opinions people have of us. We never stop to process the emotions we feel or collected over the years from other people.
It’s funny how pain can shape so many things in one lifetime that causes us to make the same mistakes just to avoid being hurt again. Life is funny that way, it really is. But for me the pain people carry is starting to become an energetic annoyance because the more you try to knock it down, they pick it up with such ease. I think the unknown scares people more than anything. Because when the walls are falling down and the light seems to come perching through the fear kicks in and causes people to run back to who they were.
The light can feel good to those who only use light to make themselves feel better by running back to their pain, but it also can cause pain when it highlights the areas our shadows hide. This is why people are so used to being the bad guy. Because carrying around that same hurt is easier than change because there is pain that comes with unknown. And it’s not a pain of the hurt they experience from sadness, it’s a pain they feel from releasing the hurt they kept hostage deep down in the core of their soul.
So, I ask when is it going to be okay for you to face you in the mirror? When will you stop running from the parts of yourself you deemed ugly, unlovable, untrustworthy, and unkind? When you’re going to finally see something through that involves the parts of you and stop running away from yourself. You healing for you. You holding on to that pain for you? Those emotions that block you in your human experience keeps manifesting in the relationships with the ones you love for a reason.
Instead of emotionally suppressing issues and running away from them and blaming others. I think it’s time to take time for you to figure out what it is you really need from those around you and start seeing how you can hold yourself to the same standard.
Signed,
A Nigga Trying to Buying A Cadillac