I don’t know who needs to hear this but please stay yo ass out of people’s relationships. Sometimes people find themselves trying to help individuals and they end up making situations worse off than what they are. Now, we know there is a shift or something going on in the matrix so making friends, falling in love, restoring your balance, or finding the balance in the cosmic universe has been hard for all. So, when it comes to relationships it can be tricky because we rarely know the full story. I talked about this once before how sometimes we find ourselves venting about things that our partner does that can be aggravating, bothersome, hell even quarrelsome but I digress we don’t know the full story. The only time I feel there should be any inconvenience or side bar stepping over a said individual if abuse is endured in the relationship and still that's a dangerous game.
Because you don’t know how dangerous the individual is that is trying to harm the victim but any help in most cases can be of services. Now that we are on this subject is it me or has this wave of domestic violence has swept through the groupchat? And at the sametime it is somehow some way being normalized like men don’t check men any more or women don’t check women anymore. It’s crazy because I know in most cases how domestic affairs can happen due to drugs, alcohol, and poverty are the number one starters for abusive an relationship. It could be due to passed on trauma that an adult has experienced and they developed some love language with pain so they make their victims, lovers, and loved ones experience some form of pain that they call love. Which they don't know these ways to love is harmful, dangerous, and even hurtful to those around them.
Some people's light was stolen from them so young that they end up being the darkness in other people's lives because they always knew storms. So, they become the chaos that they have inherited from those individuals who were too scared to face the storm which is called life. And at the rate humanity is going baby they have to go through a massive shake up to stand up to our oppressors that wears the same skin as us. I have said that all of the time that no one wakes up and decides to be abused or stay in abusive relationships. Sometimes the strength it takes to leave or to go is the courage you dont have when all you focus on is fighting back. And fighting sometimes isn’t picking up an object and knocking their ass out. No, it can show up in a way where we try to change them, pray for them, or even use spirituality to change them. Baby, are you God? Are you a scientist because I'm trying to see what power you have to change that person? And sometimes it’s not because you aren’t the person they are going to change for. It’s that they have conditioned themselves into believing that you are always going to take this.
Why do you think when you go without contact they reach out for you. Have ever done any cord cutting and you seen how fast someone has tried to come back into your life? It’s the disconnect they get from their victims. The sorrow they place onto you from all of the pain you had to endure because of their lack of accountability and self worth. You have become the walking display of the wounds they hide inside so when the happiness soons to fade let me reach out. And guess what like most people you take them back. Not with shame, guilt, or remorse in your heart. You think that this is the time they have finally got it. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. Some men don’t need to be sorrowfully beaten, they need to be held accountable because they ever learned that. If their abuser didn’t take responsibility for the pain they have caused them, what makes you think they would take this on with ease. You have to look at like a host once it possesses the body it attacks what cells that are willing to allow themselves to override it.
So, once they take over that area they go into another another and continue to the same behavior until it gets hit with a cure or the cells dies off. And I know that is a harsh way to put to it, but everybody isn’t going to put up with the same thing. And sometimes they don't recognize the karma they put out by the actions they bestow unto other people. Life is tricky that way because if they feel they have the power to isolate, control, and distort your reality, what makes you think someone else can’t do the same thing to you. I said a long time ago that we are in the years of where the bully meets the bully. And it wasn’t to harm or bring shame, it was to bring justice because some things, people, and places have been out of order for too damn long. Is it me, but have you ever noticed that people who are abusers never like to be alone. Now if you got abandonment issues please don’t take this personal I’m not talking about you.
Because I know in most cases people who have been abused can develop somewhat of a codependency onto other people like clinging to their kids, jobs, things, material, hell even social media, or even their own ego. Because abuse can psychologically change people for the worse and for the better. Why do you think some people are helicopter parents? Y’all remember that post I put in Black Family Drama where I said that black women don’t have the luxury of falling in love because our mothers have programmed us to look for faults and spot predators instead of love. And they wonder why we attract the men on the vibration we are. It’s not saying that these things aren’t valid points to have while searching for love but continuously looking for the negatives can get old and cause you to settle down in love. And not experiencing the joy that love brings.
Like landing a baller and still not being satisfied because you wanted love not material things so you self sacrifice because you feel it will bring some reward. Like women of ages had been taught too because what is being a woman if you don’t sacrifice your happiness for the needs of others. And they wonder why we have so many women running through the groupchat acting like men, fucking like niggas, and drinking like sailors because of the lack of care that has been bestowed upon us by men. Ugh, I see why I kinda want to be a nun. But, in most cases people will call you selfish for being with someone who can provide all of your needs. “I mean he don’t hit you, so what ‘s the problem?” I’ll tell you what it is, it's the fact that love isn’t in the money or the gifts. Now, in this instance you can be a little selfish because why haven't you tried to get to know you? Like therapy, writing, workshops, and sisterhood you know just a little self evolution. Because how do you know that you even love the person you are with?
How do you know? See, in most cases when the girl/guy who has been in abusive relationships gets out of those said relationships they pick partners from the viewpoint of what their last person was not. If he is broke, let my next man/woman be rich. If they were fat I'm going to date someone skinny. If they were dark I'd date someone light skinned and if they weren’t educated let me go off and get someone who is. These are realistic expectations but are they yours or society's expectations? Because when we find ourselves in low places we find ourselves conversing with people who kinda makes us feel dumb for being in those toxic, stinky, abusive relationships. So, instead of honoring the moments you felt love through those moments of trauma we invalidate them with moments that they didn't do. So when we leave those relationships we find ourselves repeating the patterns of our last relationships.
Like being moody for no reason at all, being a buzzkill for lack of understanding, starting arguments because of being used to toxicity, victim blaming, and avoiding accountability because of the trauma you have been through. I get it, pain can be a hell of a mood changer and a suppressant but going into love with your baggage and deciding to choose love means that one day it's going to come to a head that this has to be addressed. And if fear comes with it, then you know that is a monster that you have to overcome. You start to ask yourself can I share myself with you like that? See naturally people think just because you are in love or fall in love that all of you comes with it when we haven’t been programmed that way. Because the abuse left a stint on your heart that you feel as if you can’t share yourself with anyone else because you have to have some piece of you left.
So love can become a challenge because you are still fighting against yourself. Plagued with doubt, fear, and just a smidge bit of apathy. Because why would love just love me this once is a question we all have said after experiencing some form of abuse. So, we question, undo, psychoanalyze the person we are with and even sabotage it because we fear ourselves. True strength is knowing when and not to be vulnerable in the book of me, right. So, we allow the doubt to overcome the relationship and try to make our partners adjust to a reality that we shouldn't have to adjust to you. Instead of saying what the problem is we allow problems to become a problem so we can say that is, what the problem is. Sometimes it takes true strength and saying I might have to leave because I am not ready to undergo any change this season. People may call you a quitter because staying, playing, destroying, and stringing someone along isn’t so fun when someone has done the same to you.
Learn how to leave people the same way you met them instead of taking the time to undo the way they live because life isn’t always about you.