In the old saying threes a crowd. I get it some people are in polyamorist relationships, open relationships, and open sexual arrangements. But I’m not talking about that I’m talking about the good people who sabotage the connection people have. I get it we in retrograde and love is in the air and some of us are thinking about old flings and how you listened to certain people who didn’t have your best interest at heart. The people who knew how to play on your emotional concept and made you feel a way about a person who you loved.
Some of you want to reach out and to say I’m sorry while the other of you are stuck with the idea of hurt you inflicted upon yourself and the relationship you had with them. I mean we all go through a point in life where we wish we could’ve done things better. But we didn’t the goal is to learn from it and to not make the same mistakes again. The ones who hold onto to the old wounds still find themselves making those same mistakes over and over again, and sometimes in love.
You find yourself closing off to the idea of love and shutting your partner out emotionally because of the fear of being judged or thinking they don’t understand you. Young people and people who are young at heart can understand this. Because when you are young you want to be grown and that grown folk world can be something serious. We aren’t taught about relationships we are taught how to survive through life. This is why love can be hard for some people to navigate through.
They don’t know if it is love, acceptance, attachment, or comfortability. Because we forget the ones, we love experienced a life before us and without us for some period of time. We talk about it all the time how childhood wounding can be a problem, careers, money, kids, and marriage can be deal breakers for people relationships. And with society pushing their idea of love on the collective it can be damaging trying to live out love in the eyes of people who could care less about your emotional wellbeing.
We see it all the time with celebrities they get in the game grab the hottest chick or cool guy and the relationship spirals when they career are going into two different directions. Now because they have grown fond of each other or falling in love it becomes tricky. Because it’s all about the lifestyle they choose to manage versus being in love. This is why they sing those heartbreak songs so well. And rap those songs about loneliness and still crave the outside attention from the world.
Because they don’t know how to cut the party off and say this is what my soul needs and not what the world needs. I’m not talking about in possessive sense I’m talking about life fulfilling and emotional fulfilling. Even the richest man wishes he had someone to love him on his bad days. But until he work through the issues of his greed, power, and thirst for control he/she will judge, criticize, and pick apart every lover that comes in his/her life.
Because he/she will find himself back at the idea of do, he/she want me for me or do they actually care about me. Newsflash baby you made that decision to be in the limelight or to acquire some form of wealth that others appease you for and your future spouse didn’t. And when I say man, I’m talking about women too.
Because this age I’m rich and I need somebody rich too it’s blasphemy. Because these rich ass men don’t be caring about these girls working 9-5, sharing apartments, sleeping on her friend couch, and living above their means. It’s the women who have all these standards of what a man should and not be and still end up choosing the wrong one. Baby we got to work mastering our own masculine and feminine energy.
Because there is more to love than just making money. Now I ain’t saying nobody wants to in that financial struggle love relationship. But I damn sho for one can say the collective don’t want to in relationship where I have to struggle to love you, I got to figure out if we good or not, and if we can grow together though hurdles.
Child I already raised a couple men, and the fruits of my labor is out here doing good, shawty ain’t got in her no more. Your bald-headed ass be ready to grow because the minute you don’t, I’m gone. I will gladly be like order ready pickup. And the next little mama can have her Prince Charming. I do believe there is somebody for everybody.
But what happens when your mama don’t like the person who you with because they remind them of an old lover they never healed from. What happens when the person you love don’t fit the mold of what the people you value do? What happens when men opinions on how a woman should treat you versus what you need affect the relationship. What happens when you leave the relationship to seek outside help and they end up judging, demonizing, and condemning the person you love.
DO YOU WALK AWAY OR STAY?
Honey I have been here before when my ex just couldn’t get right everybody had they mouth on him and me and made me hate us, him, and the damn relationship. By nightfall we were still booed up though. HEY! Because they didn’t know about our love. Hey, Alexa play The Dream They Don’t Know About Our Love.
Child it messed up our relationship so bad because I was trying to be a wife when really I was girlfriend. Old heads telling me how I need to feed him, clean up, and be his damn maid like I was less of person blew me. I was like lady look I’m trying to pay these bills. Men telling him you need to be a provider let your old lady talk crazy to you she’ll shut up. Not in my house we were young hot headed, and the wrong word could have ended up in a fight.
You know us young folks don’t got that Teflon skin y’all got. Baby I was loving that demon with the best I got and to hear people telling me how I needed physical things when all I craved was emotional and stability was the most terrorizing experience. Because I still had felt like I wasn’t doing enough. He told me he loved me but in the eyes of others and because he was just to slow on things it made me doubt, he loved me.
I know the bastard still love me till this day and I let that bird go to be where he needs to be because our ship has sailed. The person who he is now wouldn’t understand the women whom I’ve become and the women whom I become would find myself adjusting to his idea of love. No sir not me you got the wrong guys.
Because I learned that love is acceptance but not tolerance because tolerance will have you hating, resenting, and putting up with shit you wouldn’t from someone else. Now, I’m not saying our partners don’t have flaws but to put with any and everything thing that they do and thinking they gone change because we changed is down right some bs. The old folks were right on that. But they concept on love and not the relationship was smidge bit flawed.
This is why you see men/women being hyper critical on love and still find themselves lonely even when they love themselves for the right or wrong reasons. But in my time of self-reflecting, I noticed when I opened that door in my relationship for other people to give unsolicited advice was the demise of my power in the relationship.
Because y’all folks in relationship rarely seek out advice from people who are non-bias of the connection you have with your partner. You guys seek out people who side with you. Honey that’s going to come back in bite you in the ass. Calling your mama, sister, cousin, brother, auntie, and niece gone be the demise of your relationship.
Because tough times don’t last always tough people do, but what happens when you are going through a season where you need to rely on your more. And for those of you with codependency issues and toxic relationships with your folks, friends, and connections. You have found yourself saying why the hell I tell them that. In that moment of weakness, you shared with your folks the made you feel like you need to protect your person from their truths.
That you end up lying and trying to smooth things over meanwhile your mama evil eyeing your boo on thanksgiving because you took him back again in my Betty Wright voice. Sometimes we forget that the ones we love think they have our best interest at heart. But because they haven’t healed, they can cause you to make bad decisions in your relationship as well.
I say all the time remove all the third parties from your relationship such as: social media, friends, loved ones, and naysayers. Because when you allow those things to come in between your relationship. You can’t get mad when someone or something comes in the relationship trying to make it whole again. Whether be through infidelity or other unhealthy habits.
See people love marriage and saying it’s the end all be all right but don’t even be nearly prepared to keep, manage, or stay in it. Because we have found ways to glorify our own ego that makes us feel like we are the best husband, wife, or lover. When we truly still have room to grow. I think most people that are missing exes and yearning for the past is looking for emotional understanding from old lovers. Is it because you are searching for reassurance in saying that it is okay to grow outside of the norm?
For some it maybe going back to an old love and giving it, another shot because you feel you’ve failed them but if you’re not honest you’ll fail them again. And that is the harshest statement I have ever said on here. Don’t quote me I didn’t stay in my real life and I said on here. Give me that. I am changing in my Effie Voice.
I said all this to say what you gone do. You gone shit or gone get off the pot? Are you gone take emotionally accountability for allowing someone to influence your decision? Or you are going to stay in the cycle of hurt because the pain usually wears off?
YOU DECIDE WHEN YOU WANT TO HEAL NOT OTHERS!