Random

For my journaling people have you ever gotten to a point in your life where you decided to look back and see how far you have come? In my how to journal post I made on the forum I talked about how I stopped writing on the back of my pages because when I wrote my thoughts out, I wanted to be able to turn the page. Plus, I write hard and fast when I’m trying to vent so sometimes it can be hard to go back and reread. But I was scrolling through my phone and seen a note that I had come across and I felt like I might want to share the screenshot with y’all, ion know.

It was a conversation we had almost two years ago on how I had changed the way I started to see love. Most people tell you to journal because that’s the only place your emotions can be valid and sacred. As I started to grow up, I recognized shawty was just keeping diaries of my deepest feeling that I never expressed. It was like the paper was my foundation, the pen was my emotions, and the only way I felt my emotions was valid unless I was able to share them with someone who didn’t judge. Which was me how cliché?

I stopped writing down all the bad things in my journal I started writing soul letters to myself and burning them as offerings to my ancestors because I felt my soul needed to be heard. I wrote about it in a blog once before. A letter to my soul was the name of the blog, where I talked about how it was one of my ritual practices. It wasn’t that I was trying to kill off the darkness of the world but when I looked back on the times and the things, I said about my experiences I didn’t have no resolve on any issues. It was more problems than solutions and it left me in turmoil trying to navigate myself out of a tricky time. I didn’t identify with the person who experienced the pain. Ain’t that some sh**.

So, I had to learn how to talk to myself all over again. I had to learn how to identify with what the little girl in me needed when I was little girl. And that’s hard when you’re grown and to society all you supposed to do is work and repeat the same thing. Well, newsflash I’m not Squidward when he went to that retirement home to get away from Patrick and SpongeBob. I had to learn how to be an adult and learn how to communicate my emotional needs. The more comfortable I got with myself I could see how my writing in my journal changed especially my penmanship. But o it wasn’t just a simple walk in the park as I make it seem like. it was trial and error until I got it done right. Well, at least my right.

Because like many people when we want to say that we have changed and experience some newness in our life we tend to go back into environments where we should not be in. Because in this human existence we tend to forget that the ego can be bigger than the soul. So, going around off killing parts of ourselves trying to prove to people that we are not the same individuals we used to be, is quite emotionally draining. I mean I never really got that until I experienced that with myself. It’s crazy how we be trying to show the same people who fear change, incapable of change, and resist change that we have change. How slow we do we have to be?

As many times as you like on your time is what I learned. *shrugs shoulders*

I believe in discovering the root of the problem before I go off trying to put a band aid on gash wound with advice. In different cases with different people sometimes they don’t require these methods sometimes its just a boost of extra confidence they need or to be heard out. So, the next time you find yourself confused on your journey ask yourself is there anything lingering from my past that is in my present that can affect my future. I’m talking about all the way down to your emotions, family, friends, relationships, kids, business, childhood wounds, behavioral patterning, and any dynamics your always uncomfortable with.

If you do tarot try the past present future method, it well help.

CIAO