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Phuck Em!

How have you been treating you lately? As for me I have been on autopilot no worries, no fears, no chaos, no drama. Well its been a few but not to the capacity where I let it consume me other people worries aren’t mines in this season. Why because I choose to opt of out antics that don’t serve me in my highest good. After some self-reflection out loud, I thought to myself how we find ourselves responsible to control the darkness in other people lives.

Like how we try to give happiness to people who are so destined to be in Eeyore spirit and that over time we can become our own Eeyore. For those of you that aren’t familiar with Eeyore he is the mule off of Winnie The Pooh. You have seen after countless of episodes where Christopher Robins, Piglet, and Pooh try to make him happy as if it is what their job. I think after a few episodes they just got comfortable with Eeyore being sad but for me I don’t want to be around it. Now I’m not saying I want to be surrounded by happiness and light all the time, but I sure don’t want to be around depressive, chaos, drama, and anger all the time either.

That shit starts to take a toll you on after a while because if you’ve just overcame those dark days and you encounter beings like this over and over again it will make you doubt your progress. I say one of my greatest blessing that has been bestowed on me is healing myself in the same environment that destroyed me. Even though I’m in this useless project I feel this ending coming about because I feel this insincere of change from individuals who keep exposing their true selves. I mean its weird when you see forced change. Because those who are genuinely changing for the embitterment of themselves can get caught up in this group of individuals because you never decided to walk away.

I think like any other person we’re ready for COVID to be over but at the same time it’s like what are you expecting to do. Just think about it, it’s like we are serving a prison sentence in our home and waiting on the warden to release us while at the same time some people have nothing to look forward to. And those are the people who I’m trying to run far away from, and my husky ass don’t run because I’ll get tired fast. I might need too but you get the drift though. I know there are people who are working on business, financial, and home building but what about your existence.

Like aren’t you tired of being misunderstood or misunderstanding yourself, to the point it is getting you caught up in situations that doesn’t even feel like a lesson. It feels more like a weight of hurt your toting around waiting for someone to get it from you. So, you feel relieved but when you do you go back and do the same things that caused you discontentment in the first place. I mean that is the reason I know it’s time for an environment change and to finally let go of this project because it doesn’t reflect to those who see what I am.

I mean how condescending it is to live in your truth and other people see you as some beacon of light being stuck in an environment you fought so hard to gain peace thinking they should do the same. I mean what the hell I hope someone doesn’t think that is okay, but I know we stay in places longer because we think its build strength for the time when it is time to go. So, I’m not trying to give off that message because I fought so hard to walk in peace and live life in peace so it’s time to do so. Like many people my journey was different because I was runner and hated being young and grown at the same time living with your parents.

I thought I was ready for life which I was but not at the decision of somebody else because as much I wanted to be free and independent it was like the decision I made in my life where still made off my parents. I mean that’s why my last karmic sucked because I had to learn the reason of why I did the things I did. Only to recognize the things I was running away from was me. I mean you would think it would be easy to walk away from something and someone thinking you would never have to deal with this again only to be smacked by a reality you will.

I mean you see folks risking their health claiming to be independent because they don’t want to deal with themselves and the reality their parents bestowed upon them. Child that’s another blog for another day. All I’m saying is in this life you only get one you, even if you get the gift of birth that child isn’t you. So each day you wake up you choose you, your happiness, your sanity, your peace, and life those people who make up the journey will come to you or you’ll find yourself mysteriously running into them.

You’ll know when its authentic because those questions that used too plaque you won’t even be your first go to response. That doesn’t mean some minor worry of you messing it up or them messing it up won’t come up. But you choosing you and your needs from a conscious state of being will make all the decisions better. I wanted to say stop sleeping on you and your healing because there is life after the pain, hurt, lies, betrayal, and pain.


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