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Peter 5:8



As we move in this day in age, I find that we are all seeking solace in the place of the arms of someone outside our selves. And some have found themselves walking dark paths that makes them question their sanity that has led or trying to them unto a path of drugs. For some it was a quick instant feeling of being validated inside to chase away the pain they have felt. To make them feel as if the pain has never happened, to make them feel as if they are alive and breathing, and to feel lifeless. But the sobriety of it all has people emotionally shook because like many people we want to forget parts of our life.

Certain parts that makes us who we are but in this natural human design we are taught that happiness is the feeling we need to survive. So, we walk many paths with this expectation of receiving what is due ours because we have been taught someone else happiness is our happiness. And that’s quite funny because I have found myself in life trying many things because I wanted to live up to people expectations such as: being a mom, going to school to be a hairstylist, to date a certain type of man, to be passive when I’m dominant, to be meek, to be courageousless, to not smile, and to not enjoy life. Because this is what their design of what the matrix should be and when in the complete opposite, I wanted the difference, to make a difference, and change. Now figuring out my intentions was the hard part I learned early on in life. Child, I was being grown. Sighs but life happened.

So, I decided to make mistakes purposely so that I could learn, and some were not mistakes they were just hard lessons that I didn’t want to learn. That came round full circle to teach me about myself because the more I wanted to be different, to be courageous, and to live I kept forgetting those pieces of me that made me. The rude, the loud, boisterous, the cold-hearted monster, the arrogance, the ignorance, the bliss, and the fun me. Because that new year resolution me couldn’t stick to shit because living in the world you can become blinded by your perspective. That it can be your down fault when you’re always the judge and jury. Because you are bound to make some mistakes and learn some harsh lesson that might break you. I meant what I said, it is some hope in these streets you just have to find it or be receptive to it.

So, for my recovering addicts have no fear sobriety is near and always has a plan of staying its only your choice. Because that is a decision you make when you’re on your path to reclaiming your power back. One thing I learned when I was in a funk is that I have to stop living like I’m in a funk. Meaning always having the expectations of being let down and I say this light because I am realist, but it taught me boundaries and self-respect. I learned the meaning of what respect is to me and the value of being open to teach people how to treat me and for some to not allow them the right to get to know me. And baby let me tell you something that is power within itself that is why we are giving names in each lifetime. So, go to the narc anonymous, find that trusted confidant, understand that patience is a two-way street, and nothing happens overnight, and making amends won’t come so easy.

And in healing shame is only a myth to hold people from their truth because the most fearless thing a person a can do is change. So, look around and see what has to go in your life that keeps you in a toxic loop of your past ways, actions, or emotions. It’s time to release, send thanks, and move on to a new chapter. Because as a writer everyone serves a purpose until they don’t in your story and remember the most valuable people stay around until it's time to go. And for those of y’all that aren’t into drugs or alcohol remember that sober is a state of mind. Sober is having a state of clarity in your own mind. It isn’t debris from tomorrow and yesterday's past. I’ll leave you with a quote I made for me.

Focus requires an awareness of what you are trying to obtain. -Bonnie


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