Parenting isn't what it seems and that's the harsh truth. Everybody experience is different it doesn't matter who you talk too everybody has different techniques that works for them. The trick is finding what actually works for you. I think the problem that most people have is forgetting that the parent needs to be taken care of too. When you lack support it makes parenting hard. I always despise the idea of having kids because I seen how they took up so much time from my grandparents and parents. That it was a deal breaker in my last relationship. Honestly, I didn't want the typical black girl story raising another baby through struggles and loving somebody so much that we don't work out and my child has to see his mom grow through heartbreak. You know the fall outs, lack of preparedness for the baby, and intimacy.
I always tell people that you come before your child. I'm not talking about material needs, but your mental and emotional well being. I'm not your modern 1950's step-ford wife were the kids wore me thin and my husband needs overcame mine. That works in some homes, but not over here honey. But, honestly our ancestors were over worked, and lacked patience to deal with us. Leaving us as parents to do the same with our kids as well. When I see a mom or parent communicating with a child harshly my heart actually aches for the two. Because the parent isn't honest about what they need and the child is just trying to understand what is going on with you. Most parents aren't are that aware the child needs. Just because a child shared a womb with you doesn't mean it knows you already. That's why the older people say speak over the child in your womb so, they can get to know you better. It's real, but lack of awareness makes us feel like shitty parents and shitty people. I was struggling how to go into this so I pulled out my tarot card and read each card. So as you read the label on the side is the card I pulled and meaning is on the right. To give you some awareness to were you are now. Feel free to comment and live chat if you like.
6 of Wands: The actual pregnancy and the attention that comes with it. The baby bump and knowing your going to be a mom is priceless. Your with the love of your life or your with some one whom you not want a child with. In this phase it's the what if you find yourself bonding with your child your body is at this moment is in a dreamy like state.
The Sun Reversed: This is when naturally if your a single parent the guy is claiming not to be the father. Or you to don't get along because of her hormones. You think because your pregnant your the only one who can have symptoms. Her body is changing the baby starts to create a more room so you pick up more weight or lose weight. Or the birthing process has/had happen which can be a painful experience for some in those last phases of pregnancy.
6 of Pentacles Reversed: This is when the parent feels they know more. Naturally, the woman because she carried the child so she feels she knows everything. You can't tell her anything creating the narrative that she's got it, leaving the father to go be lazy or shunned. Creating this space were one person has to kiss the other one ass to get along. In most cases some women, child fathers wont do anything for the child unless he's able to sleep the mom. It's an sign of a power play and abuse of power
Queen of Swords: This is the mom, nanny, or elder trying to give the parents advice on how to raise a child. Typically it goes with the elder doing everything and the parents still aren't learning. They come in to try to help the relationship, but it naturally gets worse because the baby or parenting isn't the issue.
Ace of Cups Reversed: The relationship ends and the love expires. For some you start to lose friends because being a parent isn't so fun when you have to be a parent all the time. Some friends just don't get it or you just don't get it, that you deserve a break. If your engaged the engagement is off.
Queen of Wands Reversed: Because of your lack of me time you tend to be a smothering parent. You don't trust nobody with your child. In this day and age I can see why but, on the flip side you creating a runt child. Nobody likes spoiled kids they're hard to parent. So, now if your in the separation phase were you two are co parenting the two of you play this game of I don't want so and so around my child. Leaving the child completely unattended to decipher which parent is hurting the most because the love for the child isn't the same in both houses.
Tower Reversed: This is when the two of you avoid each other whether you in the same home or separated. You can't have a conversation about anything because it goes from 0-100. Lack of patience and listening skills keep you too thinking it's okay to go without communication for the child's sake. But, because love and a past relationship goes unhealed the parents think they're doing right by the child.
3 of Pentacles: Job, Careers, School, or Counseling. One of things throw you back in the cycle of arguing and not about the child's needs. It goes into a competition of whose doing the most. The sole provider and primary custodian over the child is suppose to provide the daily needs of the child without the assistance of the other. It's true it's unfair but if the child is lacking something and you wont get it because of the other parent that's petty.
2 of Wands Reversed: Indecision is still a decision. The two of you can't decide on how to co-parent or how to move forward. Or if you should seek outside counseling or keep suppressing the argument for sake of the child. This phase keeps a cycle on repeat because you let fear keep you bound to a situation that needs to be changed. But, admitting the reality of what you wanted/needed isn't aligning itself is a harsh truth. Was it fairy tale?
8 of Swords Reversed: The physiological damage. Nobody never wants to admit after having a baby things change with in. If your not honest about it and have someone in your corner who see's this it can be hard for you to connect with your child. If the relationship has failed or turned for the worst nobody is never honest about losing someone you love or growing out of love. That's pain, that goes unchecked and turns into bitterness.
The Fool Reversed: The stubborn and inability to see you and your pain is causing you problems is your own downfall. Sometimes this is the other party waiting for the other party to change or come back. Or, maybe it's you scared to move on and too let someone love you .
5 of Pentacles: The move out or the drag out process were the both of you are so unhappy that he/she starts to create and environment elsewhere. Meaning you have to deal with the reality of maybe its over. Or your a single parent having to create stability for you and the baby off of a income that doesn't provide a lot of means to live off of.
7 of Wands Reversed: Inability to take a stance. You don' know if you want to leave or move away from the relationship especially if you guys have money or vested interest together. It's hard to pack up and leave when you have to pay bills together in this economy. But, it's also another for reason for somebody to show you they don't love you anymore and to continue to hurt you.
King of Cups Reversed: Lack of emotional awareness. Your tired, drain, sick of crying, fighting and just downright emotional immaturity. Some partners just don't care they can be selfish.
2 of Pentacles: The juggling act your trying to balance a relationship, the baby, and your emotions being bound to leave something unattended. Throwing things in air and hoping it can be dealt with on its on.
2 of Cups Reversed: Sometimes you have to admit that it just not going to working out. Maybe the relationship or how you've been doing things. Being honest that having a child takes a team and the two of you haven't been on the same page and two different perceptions on a family. Like what is your definition of family? Is family a picture or actual support? It takes a village to raise a child.
I can't tell anyone how to raise their child but for me I think establishing healthy guidelines for raising a child is the first step for better communication. If it's a relationship you're in do the kids run the relationship? Is it hard for you guys to have intimacy because of the child? That's a first step to creating boundaries between you and the child. Have you forgotten about you as a parent? Like grooming, hair, nails, clothes, haircuts, and dinners. Parenting can have it's day's, but when you find the time to get to know you better it makes it easier to connect with the child. Everybody story is different and most people think kids will seal the deal on a relationships. Some people parents raise their kids off their own hurt creating a cycle of hurt children. Most parents aren't even honest with themselves before they go dragging in the lack of accountability from a partner.
Motherhood/ Fatherhood can be tough, but isn't so bad when you heal you first then you decided on having kids second. For some that isn't the case, but that doesn't mean you can't reach back in your bag and start to reflect on the lifestyle and environment you want for your child.