Mental Health Check

Mental Health Check:

Isnt it funny how I been off the map enjoying my peace and somebody on the sideline like bitch what the hell you doing I know you see me crying. Girl relax, I been thinking about this dog, who baby daddy gone buy this house, and how the hell ima kidnap Morgan. Don’t ask and I won’t tell you about the last part but what have you guys been up too? For me life has just been life and I have been going with the tide and let me tell you it isn't as breezy as I want it to be. Seems like the universe like a challenge and I'm guessing I am the challenge. Child, I have been hiding, ducking, and dodging folks like a nigga that owe you some money and don’t want to pay you back them funky 20 dollars. Your beef ain’t my beef sweetie gone let me get out of the way. I told y’all them scammers was running amuck in the group chat and y’all ass didn’t want to listen to me and you had to find out the hard way.

And for my sanity baby I had to fall back because they were bringing too much smoke and drama around me putting me in harm's way. So, I had to fall all the way back really quick because we joke and jive a lot, but I like to live a lot. So, the content you guys have been asking for hasn’t been created yet because I have been trying to lay low. Somebody may say girl ain’t nobody studding you, girl let me live my life. Okay! But enough of that lets get in this think peace.

Trauma has been coming up for a lot of people and let me tell you it isn’t the good kind. Like being held at gun point, attempted murder, rape, and molestation that it has some people in a strong hold to the point they are finding themselves going down routes that it is causing them to lose themselves to pain. It seems like the pain they are trying to avoid is causing them more pain. By not being present in the moment and honoring the fact they don’t need help they need grace. Sometimes a solution isn’t found or thought of when a person hasn’t time to process what has happened to them. In a society where we are taught to function through the pain it leaves people in shambles when you say that I am weak or show emotions. That the fact that you have everybody trying to diagnose everything as a mental illness instead of identifying it as trauma is mind blowing. Now, for you know it all's I'm not saying trauma can't cause some form of mental illness but damn let somebody honor they emotions first.

When you see a person is about to ruin their lives or massive change is happening, that is when you step in with preventive measures or allow them wiggle room to be open to suggestions. Because unless they are a threat to society or themselves that person can ruin their lives, however, they want to. Even if you don’t like it, sometimes for your own sanity you may have to cut them off and it may seem harsh, but what are you going to do, if they don’t listen or they aren’t ready to receive help? Keep beating a dead horse or have the mother or father syndrome to an adult who clearly is processing emotions in the best way for them. Two things can come from this either you tire yourself out by constantly trying to help them or you create the façade between you and them where they fake just enough to be healed so they won’t upset or disturb your peace.

It's like dealing with an addict, they play clean long enough until they are able to manage their addiction to their best of abilities to where you don't know they have relapsed again. And when you find out, you're completely destroyed by the way they lied to you again and yet again you make it about you when you aren't the one getting high and losing control. Now, in some cases it can differ if you have kids, if you are married, or in business with each other. Those are tricky topics to navigate so we gone stay to course. But in most cases, you never understood why they do the things they do because sometimes it isn't the trauma that happened that made them go awry. Sometimes the pain can be so bad that it triggers an emotional response in the brain and causes a person to act out not because of the action but the emotions.

And if you are a normal human in society that’s a part of the 80’s club and down or raised by those you didn't grow up in homes where emotional expression was something that keen in those environments. It was all about survival, masculinity, and femininity. So, nines times out of ten you crying because of something hurted your feelings and you didn’t garner the emotional response you needed. Because patience was the real thin with those people who raised kids. And as a parent I can say for me because I had to go back an apologize to my child because I wasn’t the most patient person when it came to me and him at the same time. So, those experiences that we have had as children can block us when we become adults and cause us to become numb to things, when we really supposed to say ouch, that hurted, I didn’t like the way you communicated that, and I am not feeling it today.

And most people think this is common thing which it is but if we aren’t taught this is a child and these emotions aren't honored we find ourselves using the title of an adult to be shitty people. Where we bring pain into other people's lives by fighting them, verbally attacking them, and downright destroying them because of emotional entitlement. As I learned holding onto a grudge was more about me not getting my emotional needs met in that situation. It cleared up of a lot of drama in my life and help me drop motherfuckers with ease. Because the more I keep pushing the way I felt about things onto other people they got mad because the reaction I had wasn’t needed. Not saying my feelings for hating duck lips, anxious betty, and hurt wasn’t valid, it’s the fact other people felt differently. They seen him as something I didn’t. Even though he was my abuser, destroyer, and hater they didn’t care because of the façade he had on.

So, falling out with people who didn’t have the same beliefs on rape, hurt, liars, and drama really threw me for a loop. So, instead of walking away I found myself trying to challenge their beliefs and it made people fall into the arms of his lies while he still damaged me. All the meanwhile I seemed like a hurt kid seeking attention from the world when I really wanted my story to be heard. To stand up and finally speak my truth and leave the situation alone for good because the biggest battle I had in life was to speak up. It wasn’t that I was denied from speaking my truth I just seen so many people speak up and get shunned for it. So, as a child I had learned that it was certain subjects I didn’t want to speak on, because it came with too much drama or those who didn’t want to hear would demonize those who spoke against it.

The moral of the story you never how bad you have been emotionally deprived of something until you find yourself acting out of character for it. And no, I am not talking about a person, I am talking about your feelings.

CIAO

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