Now before we get off into this blog this isn’t about any healing I’m talking about relationships. I said it this generation of women and especially men do not want to work towards building relationships. They post about it, tweet about it, lie about, but they aren’t ready for it.
With technology making it easier for us to have access to people it has took away the I miss you days. Like when you are at work, gone on a vacation, and just simply out being you. The ability to have your mind wonder with out thinking someone is always cheating and fucking someone else. I mean those are real things that do happen, but do we always have to panhandle that shit.
Everybody doesn’t lose their partner, lover, or relationship over cheating. Sometimes it’s laziness, lack of acknowledgment, emotional expression, finances, family, friends, careers, and mental health. I still do believe in love but I don’t sit around and wait for it to happen to me when I create it wherever I go. Whether it be my hobbies, I spend my time, or the things I enjoy doing. It’s just I’m old school and I don’t feel like chasing a man, one time I did it and we ran each other out of the relationship.
Child, from complaining about bitches, bills, niggas, and the he said she said game. That relationship was long gone before we decided to both cheat, lie, and stay together until we couldn’t anymore. I was over it and he was too. The respect left when we didn’t even notice that we had to different needs so arrogance, pride, and sex made us not acknowledge each other feelings.
See the thing is when you are so accustomed to a persons routine you mistake the things they do for who they are that you never stop to see what they are. So, those games ran old to me. So, when I left that relationship I vowed to not be in a relationship with anyone if we didn’t respect or know each other. And people this day and age always want something without working for it or even knowing what they want.
People replace companionship for relationship i.e, Netflix and chill, smoking buddy, drinking buddy, and sexual buddy. See they have replaced these people and things for fillers to fill that emotional void for love. People say it takes time but it takes time to fuck, to drink, to smoke, or to go out to eat, but a relationship is where you draw the line. I do not aspire to be a car sales man where you build me up with the momentum of purchasing a vehicle with a piss poor credit and no co-signer.
That ship long sailed the fuck up out here when I seen that I still needed emotional maturity to be able to balance out those things. Because what if the fling didn’t work out how do we amicably separate without the harshness of you choosing someone else over me. Maybe I think too much but I like to plan that out and hold people to there word. Because I don’t need you trying to throw my life out balance because you can’t have your fix.
I am not a firm believer that everyone you met will be the one. They may have qualities of what you like, but that I see you for the rest of my life as my love nawl, you don’t find that on the street everyday where it’s mutual. It maybe one sided but not always mutual. I don’t want to love someone were your last lover left off, and I don’t want to be the missing thing of your past? And I just don’t aspire to deal with your karma.
And know you what that is perfectly fine because every time I turn around everybody is making there statements so why can’t I. I don’t like the whole I like you but I’m going to make to wait while I never get myself together. Nigga you in jail cause I’m bout this close to pen paling niggas in jail with a prayer line. What I be bored and somebody deserve this hope I got to give. But I don’t like that hyper masculinity were men were taught to find the one and do all the things you can to make her like you. You let fear sit in and you self sabotage by fucking anything and doing anything because you think this is going to help you get the hoe out of your system.
If anything your only creating a stronger appetite for something that you know you won’t be able to feast all at once. Trying to force yourself to cut out habits that you crafted out out of fear. Meanwhile your homeboys ready for love and chance at it and they’ll take it even if that means stepping on you. It be like that in the words of my toxic father “don’t hate the game shae hate the players”. I never understood until I seen desperation fall over me once mixed with entitlement and let me tell you it was an “EW” moment for me.
Because he barely put in the work for it so I grew old with that and just dropped it like a bad habit won’t fuck up this peace. But men be funny to me I don’t even see why I like them I say everyday I’m going ti stop liking them and be gay. But I don’t want to eat no pussy. I’m fine with buying seven golden retrievers, a pit bull, and a Yorkie calling it love. I could live on a farm and be fine with that. It’s this city shit that makes mind wonder about love every now again.
I was a tomboy as a child so relationships didn’t interest me or move me like my friends and that is okay. When you learn how slow men are and how mean they are you start to ask yourself do you even know this mofos. Seeing them run through everything and always wanting what they thought was a good thing got old me. I mean a lot of men do live in fear when it comes to love. I just be on the sidelines in disgust.
I just want to know your opinions on this. Do you think I’m harsh in my approach or just being a woman with unrealistic expectations of a partner? And before you good dudes who love out loud and in a relationship say something “SHUT UP”! Nigga you already off the market and you making yourself a target in these streets. These women be fiending to have something that’s not there’s. They egoistic I tell you. #MENWHODONTWORK