Lord be with me because I don’t want to rewrite this whole thing. Jesus be a fence because y’all know I hate repeating myself.
A long time ago I would write these think pieces, nawl they wasn’t no think pieces it was a way I used to connect with people virtually once a week. It was a way for me to create more time management because the problems people had going on started to roll over into my life. I used to break down different problems just in a more in-depth way. But when boundaries started to get crossed I revoked a lot of things. With all that being said let’s get into the blog…
MARRIAGE AND SHACKING:
A lot of people feel that marriage is nothing but a piece of paper when I beg to differ. And moving in with someone is just an act of love because you feel that you don’t want to be apart from them. When marriages happen there is a merger that take place as well as if you were to move in with someone. People take things for granted and deem these actions as futile. Because what is love when you decided to stay with someone, to marry someone, or be a part of their life.
You always hear me say that when someone doesn’t submit to the art of love, they find themselves trying to manage the day-to-day affairs in their relationships. Love doesn’t decide a place to stay in a relationship it is the people in the relationship trying to manage and obtain it. People have a funny way of looking at things and blaming it on love when love is a freedom of expression and emotions implicated by actions.
That it leaves the collective of people who are trying to find love or stay in it confused about the direction they take. Every time I encounter someone that is married, I ask them why did you get married? I get different answers and different results from different people. Ask someone why they want to get married this day and age it is always based on sharing memories or recreating old one based off of illusion.
Some may say it’s lie or I’m lying but they actions tell me otherwise. Marriage has been mislabeled as a slave ship, ownership, and bondage. Rather love support, growth, experience, unrestricted movements and awareness. A lot of people say they wanted this or married for this but is the relationship still the same? Why do you continuously argue about the same things? Why is the discussion for marriage just frowned upon or labeled the end all be all?
Like seriously your happiness or knowing how to live your life isn’t important? You have to wait until you find someone to do this? I get it some people don’t experience this type of growth until they get with someone who is more patient or in tune with themselves to reach a certain level of self-mastery. But the way people act like marriage is the key to unlocking yourself for everybody is weird to me.
Believe what you believe while I be over at peace eating my snacks like raccoon in survival mode. For those of you in marriages do even know the person you are married too? I’m not talking about the day-to-day mundane things. Like what time they wake up, what’s their favorite food, what time they go to work, what stores they frequent, or their favorite cologne or perfume? Do you know the reason of why they do what they do? Do you know why your relationship is at current state or the direction it leading in?
Like these are serious questions people skip over without feeling entitled to some part of person. Because love this day and age seems to be lacking because people feel love is some happiness that breaks even. Like they are supposed to be the continuous reason someone feels the need to wake up every day. My child that is burden to carry to me. You may respond and say well you ain’t married.
Sweetie I had the option several times to get married in my last relationship I just didn’t believe we should get married because I loved him. Because I don’t believe marriage is 50/50. Because, when you and a person who is so codependent on each other so much. You fail to recognize that you create the scenario that you can’t live without them because your needs have become their needs. I didn’t want that reality for me, it didn’t mean I didn’t love him any less it was just my pause and hard stop.
Because the little things that aggravate me in the beginning was the same things that killed the relationship off in the end. I always say that the like phase is dangerous in the beginning because while you’re so focused on the good you try to continuously find in them it doesn’t erase the problems of the future. And the time I needed and he needed to develop into the individual we needed to be it left us incompatible but a place of comfort. And in my life, I don’t need comfort and routine.
And it took years of growth an self-evolution for me to understand what I wanted wasn’t bad and what he needed wasn’t bad because our plans didn’t align. And by the way let me add in he was a lil too emotional at times for me. But this ain’t about me this about y’all and this ain’t for the think piece police people to be like “SEE A BLACK MAN CAN NEVER BE EMOTIONAL”. AIN'T NOBODY SAY THAT! There’s a difference in emotional vulnerability then someone who is emotional manipulative and emotional withholding.
Child, because I thought like many once we in here we in here. Not the old we can never divorce, but the let’s keep trying to make fetch happen when it’s the complete opposite. And plus, we were friends first so, it made it even harder to leave someone who you are cool with, but at the same time they ain’t grown enough to love you. It sucks but it’s reality. He probably reading this like this bitch is EVIL, sir go to hell because life is different now.
MARRIAGE AIN'T 50/50:
Y’all thought I was gone skip over this just so you can have something to argue about tomorrow with me. No ma’am shakes head like the Shannon Sharpe meme.
Marriage ain’t 50/50 yeah, I said what you gone do about it nothing. No seriously that is a myth that Americanized individuals keep pushing on to people to keep you in emotional suppressed cycles. Wondering when life is going to change for you, when you have to be the person to change your own destiny.
Now for those of you that is from the car you already know what I’m talking about. I believe to be in a healthy relationship you have to know your percentage numbers. And by that, I mean where are you truly on a percentage level from 0-100% in certain areas in your life. Examples: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. When you total that up and you see where your partner resides in relationship you will see the weakness and the strengths of the foundation you’re creating with a person.
When someone says they don’t belong together some people mean that for a reason. Not all people are haters and just envious of the love you are getting. Sometimes it’s because the changes you may face in your relationship may change the person you’re dealing with in a negative manner. And for me the 50/50 narrative is actual is bulls*** and its quite impossible for it to be so. Because let’s just say a partner falls sick in the relationship and you have to tote majority of the load. Is that 50/50? If you have to bear majority of the load in a relationship because a partner is weak in one area or doesn’t want to help.
Is that 50/50? What if you date a person who suffers with mental health challenges and while they are in a depressive or manic episode you have a household to run is that 50/50? Did you know all this before you were dating them? And if so, what plans was put in place to help you balance out the relationship? Or you thought your love alone was going to fix and heal them.
Baby love is a verb, adjective, a noun, or an emotion that’s leaves people confuse when it comes down to choosing a partner or what they can and cannot do. I say all the time love has its own limitations while other people think love is a reason you should keep on doing?
You know how I tell you to take your head with on that d*** appointment. Make sure you taking your head with you in love as well. Logic and practicality is for the relationship but love itself isn’t going to mysteriously work out all of the kinks in your life.
Remember love shows up or possess many forms in different ways.
A Wealthy B****