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Losing A Love One (Grief Work)

In the Mexican culture they have this day called Day of The Dead where they light candles and leave food for the loved that has passed. It is for the loved ones to have safe passage in the after life and also to remember the ones that have been forgotten. A lot of the time we forget the ones who has passed that we only hold on to the pain of losing someone who has passed. If we are speaking of souls that go through transition of dealing with the afterlife it isn’t as easy for some souls to cross over.

It may seem that way through traditional methods but it actual isn’t. If you would like some semi reference watch American Gods with the scene about the God of Death. But the day in Mexican culture that this ritual is performed on Nov. 1-2. So now that I have gave this brief synopsis let’s get into the message. As the world takes a turn a lot of people have lost loved ones due to traumatic events, COVID-19, or random events.

It can be hard to wake up that day and getting prepared for your regular routine only to find out that someone has passed. Because at times we as humans can take life for granted.

And when I say take life for granted, I mean not living it meaningfully and actually going after the things we want in life. I get it we have trauma, family problems, and financial problems but that doesn’t mean you can’t live your life through the pain. The collective p=of people are struggling with letting go of pain and loved ones. Because it wasn’t easy seeing a casket drop in the ground and going on about your day. Some people process things a little to late or stay stuck in one emotion a little too long.

The term death can either incite a fear-based reaction or bring about some undesired change that isn’t thought out properly. You don’t know how many times I seen loved ones pass and family members say we should keep in touch when in actual reality we all have lives. We don’t manage our time well or actually care about others as we should. We get the cliché posts check in on your loved from time to time but nothing never really majors that’s life changing.

Depending on your relationship to the person who has passed you can struggle with accepting help and moving on. Because again we think that holding on to pain and constantly praying to God and asking why is giving us closure. When we clearly aren’t thinking about our loved one’s souls and the afterlife. I know it may seem odd, but my granny prepped me because she knew she was about to go.

It was the weirdest and strange event that ever happened in my life.

She specifically said don’t cry at my funeral I been good to you those who fall and weep at my casket know they didn’t do right by me. As a little girl who was already emotionally stunted it made me develop a cold-hearted approach to losing people. Until 2014, my father lost his best friend I was at the lowest point of my life. Y’all hear me tell this story all the time and I seen so many people who talked about the good he did and how he impacted their life that it was actually shocking.

I hadn’t been to a funeral like that since my grandma had passed.

I thought to myself that if I died today who would talk about me that way in authentic matter and it hit me no one would. It was the coldest truth I had ever realized about my life. Because they didn’t talk about how he let them borrow money or was involved in lower vibrational activities, but how he actually changed these people lives. And baby this wasn’t something you can’t fake I truly believe the holy ghost was in that building.

Because it was a spirit, I haven’t felt in long time because the old saying is, we should celebrate death because life is being created. I mean that’s the game of life right its unfair but that’s also the code to the game. But as humans we get so caught up on how we feel about a person that we barely process a loved one’s death. See everybody isn’t prepared or know when they time will come but those who know seem not to tell you right.

Leaving us plagued with the what’s, the how’s, and the when’s. And when we can’t rap our minds around it, we blame ourselves. We blame God and start to question our faith, we blame doctors, and everybody else because we still have to find a reason to why things happened in life. And child that’s not grieving someone that is setting yourself up for depression.

Because think about if a person loved you ever so much you are going to set the standards so high for other people in your life that they never can reach this pedestal. No matter how hard we try to replace their love.

Leaving some people to live out lonely lives trying to replace them with our kids or living each day in fear because of death. Forcing us to count down the days or time when your number will be marked, leaving us with a lack of appreciation of life. I mean life is already hard when you don’t have support, love, and doing the things that make you happy so why would God want to be so cruel. Hey, the Greek Gods lived forever to the point they start causing havoc on the earthly realm because they grew bored with humans.

Forcing procreation with humans trying to create the existence only to see it was short lived as much as their fantasies. So, I write all this to say that its okay to get it out all, but it won’t happen overnight. I think it might be a little bit selfish to stop living your life because you lost someone you loved. That don’t mean you have to go out and date again, but at least you can be willing to love again. Those who loved you knew so why you don’t give someone else a chance to know you.

That’s the funny thing about heartbreak we crave the old because they knew us but what if you could discover a new love. So, from this day forward if you want to honor the dead you don’t have to have holiday dinners, family reunions, and big parties. You, pickup where they left off in life so if was change, they were trying to accomplish you be the change you can be for the world. If its love they gave you give it to others the way, they need it. Those seeds always come back ten times fold especially when its genuine.

So, let this be the day you start working on your relationship with honoring the dead pray about, write about it, or get to work about it, but what you don’t do is give up on life and love itself.


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