Life As A Woman Ugh
I started to start this blog off on some ole emotional heartfelt bull crap but I said not today Satan. This title came to me a few days ago, but I didn’t want to write about it on Father’s Days because I felt it would be a bit insensitive. But to see the collective of women suffering at the hands of other women is downright disgusting to me. An by suffering I mean those old morals, values, logic, and expectations from society and men.
Those relationships pains, growing pain, struggling to make ends meet with ourselves, and while we put ourselves last is getting quite old to me. Now, I’m not trying to start a rally but after yesterday I said to myself I wonder what it will be like to be a girl again. Now don’t get me wrong I’m a straight woman who identifies as such but at times I can find myself being so masculine at times. It doesn’t make me less of a person, but the way these mind playing manipulative ass men be baby I be ready to bite they whole face off.
Why, because years ago I dropped the title of being strong and dropped the need to constantly remind a man of my standards when I’m firm believer in leaving people how you met them. Whether it be for good or bad. It isn’t my job to get everyone or everything on the same page because after awhile you stop to ask yourself what about me. Child, I helped my sister move and said damn I can’t wait to be a damn girl and to be in a real relationship with a man because it was ridiculous.
Now we got the job done, but I thought to myself what happen to the niggas you used to have sex with that was willing to help you move. You got this new era of men and money that feel like they can throw money at everything and you’ll be at ease. Don’t get me wrong I like a cute piece of change but baby I’m not an object I need interaction and understanding. I see why most women settle for money because its hard trying to work and pay bills and compete against men for a career that they don’t have the knowledge in. It’s like all he has to do is have a dick.
Ain’t that some shit, ironic at best but most women settle for that lifestyle. On the flipside nobody wants to broke and struggling but I damn show don’t want to be in mansion and don’t have no peace. Baby these new men something else its like they kids with money and never satisfied. Baby if you don’t go find yourself in your hoe phase and then settle down because no one has time for your mental confusion “RUFUS”!
But I thought to myself do we as a whole truly get what we desire? Do women even get to feel satisfaction? Some men will say no and some women will say the same. But we have unpacked that stronghold that fascist beliefs have on women as a collective. It’s now that we to break the barrier between what we know and what are we going to do about it. We hear these topics about feminine energy and how we as women should stick together but nobody breaks down their own psyche.
It’s like a cycle of give more and get less without the investment being into yourself and somehow, someway you’ll reap the reward. Tricky right how everything is broken down to be placed upon everyone else without the need for ourselves. If I asked you as woman what is your favorite thing to do and it couldn’t be anything with your man, friend, or child what would be your answer? If I asked your lover/spouse no matter the gender what would their answer be?
The reason I ask is because we see so many selfish people that don’t even know they selfish and those that are blend right in with the broken ones pushing their agendas. We all complain about how life isn’t fair, but what happens when you want to create your fair. Does the outside voices matter? Do you feel guilted out of doing what is best for you or do you just opt for the well I guess? See as the ancestral work that has been highlighted has been nudging the younging to do the same.
To step outside the box to not be like mama and daddy, to chase their dreams, to marry for love, wait on having babies, and bringing back real accomplishments. Because the way our ancestors has been passing out currency like a light skin man at the bank approving loans has the bulk of the black community in shambles. Because they worked so hard for our freedom and for us to be free and not to ever have to ask, borrow, or beg leaves all of us confused and short.
That we still fail to recognize that we don’t have love and support. I’ll give you an example I say all the time if two people in a marriage make over 6 figures baby you are not in anything traditional. Traditional marriages had a financial difference, gender roles, codependences, and sometimes the ying and the yang. That people in marriages are suffering to be like what they ancestors were not that they fail to recognize that they are.
The money suppose to bring support and lessen the problems in the relationship while two people remain working on love. Those trying times and that struggle you seen MeMaw and PaPa go through to make the relationship work was real. The lack of food to eat, the lack of clothing they had, and the small house was to create a way. A parent ain’t supposed to be nothing but a parent and some of y’all fail at that. But for those that had folks who loved their spouse you seen them supersede them obstacles like they was nothing.
In these trying time you see people holding onto a man or woman like it’s a life or death sentence. Then have the nerve to complain about what your mama and daddy didn’t do for you that you don’t recognize you doing the same thing. Whether you broke, rich, shacking, or married. That we fail to recognize that its always going to be something lacking and I don’t mean that in a messed up way. The way men don’t embody their feminine energy is weird to me…
Because when he free to give love without him feeling like it questions his sexuality, wounding, and his pockets girl life become amazing. I told y’all if I link up with the right man that have the people ear baby we could change somethings in the world. Because you know some people ain’t gone do it until they see a man do it. It suck but that’s why that stronghold got some women and men in a headlock.
I wrote all this to say to my fellow women is to be courageous, love you out loud so when nobody else does you want take it as a threat, love you so hard that when you loving you it won’t feel like its out of spite, and choose you because you reincarnated for you. Now I’m fina sing myself to sleep.
Wake up everybody sleeping in bed. No, I’m actually fina go to sleep so I’ll see y’all in the evening when I wake up after my 12 hour nap.
CIAO
Check out this other blog I posted sometime ago excuse the grammatical errors because guess what I ain't gone change it.
https://www.phuckyoanxiety.com/post/the-disconnect-with-women