I Don't Love My Partner No More (Anonymous)

What happens when you don’t love your partner anymore? After all the heartbreak and lonely nights then here comes love knocking on your door again. Your unhealed from all the past lovers you encountered so now you feel now is the time to take it. You run past the like the phase with the idea of rushing into commitment because this feels like your last chance at love so, you’re thinking I don’t want to mess this up only to do such. You notice the red flags in the beginnings only for them to become bigger issues later on down the relationship.

But you don’t care though because society has taught us that love will always win. It depends on the type of love your ready to receive that I beg to differ. Well chile after my inhumane dream experience, I collected my thoughts and did a separate reading, and watched another reading and the message somebody was trying to get me to decipher was not loving a person anymore. The relationship was new or a fair share of old. The difference was them recognizing that it was love in the commitment.

I was the scapegoat to blame because they didn’t want to admit it. I wouldn’t say they didn’t love each other it’s the love they were looking for was something I couldn’t give them. The love they desired was to be free and live life with no care in the world to be vulnerable and honest with themselves. I mean that’s kind of hard when you were a mask in a relationship 24/7, I mean who are you. I don’t believe in snatching the sheets off people.

Because that reality is a hard pill to swallow when you’re not prepared for the truth. I’m not going to stunt like the connection didn’t have love or sexual intimacy, but it was the soul that was yearning for more from life. See it’s tricky being so focused on love that a person is willing to accept everything about you but when someone loves more than the other the balance gets throwed off. Because one never really got the time to be them and see life through their own lens.

While the other is being so selfish and being focused on a person loving them more that when they stop, they start to get a little nasty. I call it bad timing. But because this person is so accustomed to being the victim, they never stop to see how their actions affected their partner. I mean their partner is literally looking for a way out meanwhile the other is treating the commitment like a dead-end job. It’s like you hating your job but it provides you enough money to be able to pay for all the thing you want.

So, before you go into your job you say a mantra please don’t let them get on my damn nerves today. You say things to yourself like today I’m going to put in my two notice and it’s like the job knows you’re going to quit so they hook you in with something good. Only for it to be and illusion but because you look at the time you have placed in the connection you never quit. You have good days bad days but is this really fulfilling. Now because some people are in a marriage, they were taught you don’t divorce.

For better or for worse right so you put up with a lot of shit you normally wouldn’t take from people. For those that are in relationships and staying together you guys are what we call the shackers you are acting as if you are in marriage. I mean why would I want to get married if you do everything it is, I want now what is the difference between some vows and the relationship staying the same.

I mean I get it you have the same regular problems married folks got so why do you need to tether yourself to a person making it harder for you to leave. But this wasn’t the case, I think it was the karmic meets the karmic. See when you’re so focused on physical attraction you can miss out own who a person truly is. No matter how fine they age, or how beautiful they are if that soul ain’t right the marriage, relationship, or commitment won’t be either.

A lot of people leave one relationship moving onto the next without unpacking what just happened in the last relationship. I mean mental health didn’t start to become trending until 2014, I think. So, normal people just go to work, party, drink, smoke, or whatever helps you cope while you’re dealing with a breakup. Which can truly be unhealthy because you can carry those addictions unmanaged into a new relationship.

Ok lets back on track but because you see your friends in relationships you want it right, the little feet running across the floor and the happy times you feel like your missing out. Especially when you haven’t done the work hell even people who are aware on their mess and working on their ish they get lonely too they might just have a couple booty calls to hold them over. But you want it the older you get it the more you start to think about when my time is coming. Especially if you have experienced love and lost it it’s a feeling you would want again.

But this part is tricky because people who skip out on healing always end up in relationships with people who mirror who they used to be. In the beginning its an illusion, the person isn’t fake you just desired love so much that you were willing to put up with anything only to leave you stuck with someone who isn’t the person you thought they were. So, now as time go by because you ain’t no quitter you want love, so you stick it out. Those obstacles you failed in the past you are overcoming them now because this is what you think love is supposed to be.

But until one day you see what it is like to not have your phone call this person anymore. I mean at first it scares you because you feel free so much to the point that you might end up with someone else. That’s a dangerous game only for that person to do the same thing to you leaving an illusion. So, you go back home or find ways to stop spending so much time their because you just want to say I’m unhappy. You don’t know how well they can take it.

You just want to be vulnerable to let all your secrets out and to finally be free, but you know if you do, they will leave you. It’s not because they don’t love you it’s because you know someway deep down, they could never be the person you desired them to be. So, you wait for something to break you up again only for you still be in that relationship.

But the funny thing about it its not that you don’t love them anymore because your still there it’s the fact that you don’t love what you’ve become and who you were. So, the kisses don’t mean shit, the sex don’t mean shit, the trips don’t mean shit, and the family diners don’t mean as much because you’re too afraid to be you. It’s your insides that are dying and asking to be freed, saying I’m ready to come out and play, your inner child is crying for attention.

But again, you suppress it down because at last your scared to say what it is you want to say. So, running to friends, family, associates, shamans, tarot readers, and God just don’t feel the same anymore. Because on the side of that fear it’s a bit of hope that is waiting to be unlocked because just might if you choose you, you hope they choose you as well. And that is the love you desire. Not a person but just you, a place where you can be you and feel loved as well.

A LOVE STORY UNTOLD