Hello, hello, hello! You guys may have been wondering where I have been well in my skin when I jump out you jump in. Nawl, them tarot readings and then blogging is a lot of energy and sometimes I like to take breaks but enough about me lets get into you.
Over the past for week I noticed a lot of people shadows took over them while they were wreaking havoc in my life. Some would say it was a lesson for others it was just for the fun of doing something they thought they could get away with. For others in my dreams space they were just lost in the darkness and many people call that the dark knight of the soul. Why you ask because that is when you feel your line goes dead and there is no one to reach out to no God, no ancestors, no spirit guides, or love ones.
For some in the month of September they have been experiencing the dark knight of the soul because of the number nine. Here’s the link explaining the number nine. https://www.phuckyoanxiety.com/post/the-humbling-9-r-s
But for other it was definitely the shadow and let me explain to you why. See a lot of people mistaken the shadow as something that is just completely dark and demonic for some it maybe hell even an angel has no feelings. The reason why the shadows gets labeled dark or evil because of the equation to hell. Think about it every story you were told about The Devil made it seem as if he was lurking in the shadows to get you but what if it is you who seeks to destroy yourself.
No, the tricky things is when things get labeled demonic by certain people it is because you have possibly went to far. In tarot The Devil card upright has a whole lot of meanings and sometimes its dead on the money because depending on the card behind it explains why. But what I’m talking about is the hedonism that goes on in the shadows. To be hedonistic is to completely believe in free will so whatever makes you happy you will continue to chase it and ruin anything an anyone in the process for your own happiness.
And baby that is the shadow but for some it is labeled The Devil because in the midst of your darkest hour you decided to opt out of accountability and always blame someone else for your mistakes. The shadow is the darkest part in a person eyes where you can see no light and baby those that are experienced have seen this in many people eyes. It will have you looking at people sideways saying what the f***. The shadow will scare someone who isn’t comfortable with their own darkness.
The shadow will make you feel like you have compete, to prove that a person isn’t healed. And saying things like are they really who they say they are, and last but least are they always happy, and seeking to destroy someone’s happiness. The shadow will have you in the someone else’s business claiming to help but only their because you seek dominance over people who you assume is weak. The shadow will have you in a bed of lies saying yep this is the real deal when you know you go home all you feel is sorrow.
The shadow is where we lie to ourselves and the things, we don’t want people to know because some things are better left unsaid. The things that hurt us and turned us into monsters and the things we do to others because we hide our pain and we get mad when people don’t understand our concept. Your shadow will have you doing things you know is wrong but because you feel you didn’t get caught it isn’t wrong. What nobody knows won’t hurt them, but I beg to differ because it is you that hurts when you are all alone.
See the shadow doesn’t give one single f*** when its down in the trenches its in survival mode against the light and your highest self. It likes the attention it gets when it goes against the grain, pisses people off, and hurt people intentionally because it hurts. The shadow will have your ass thinking you don’t deserve love so you seek to destroy others relationships. Whether it be platonic, interpersonal, dating, and family.
Baby the Black Family drama blog (https://www.phuckyoanxiety.com/post/the-intro-to-the-black-family) had my kinfolks looking at me like who is this nigga talking about. Confusing me with being the black sheep because they seek to destroy others. Baby I done cut off my nose to spite my face so many times my folks can tell you and it was nothing pretty, but it brought about a whole lot of numbness wrapped in a slow rage.
Hell, why you think I can sit alone in midst of chaos and have that school shooter type teas going on. Baby it was rough when I didn’t know all of me, I knew who I was, but did I know how to get the other side of me. I mean the getting to know me for real because like many Scorpions people trust you with their burdens because they know you can live without it. So, being plagued with truths at an early age made me feel like I was destined for some great pain. When in the opposite it was the wisdom, I gained from people sharing their stories with me.
It felt like a burden but on the flip side I started to notice that trust isn’t valued like that anymore, so it made me laser in on who can I trust and even if I cant it was the emotionally freedom I granted people. When I was in the shadow parts of myself, I used to allow people to dump all of their worries on me as if I was God and then get mad at God because he wasn’t blessing me. That was my shadow seeking for the truth in others that I wanted to find in myself.
But before I get out of here, I just wanted to remind yall again that The Shadow and The Dark Knight of the soul is two different creatures. Your shadow is aware of everything it does because you tell it too. The Dark Knight is when you are questioning your own judgment because you found yourself in place where you feel you don’t belong. The Dark Knight will have you feeling like is all worth it, while your shadow is trying to strengthen you so it forces you to keep on going no matter who you hurt in the process. While your inner angel is saying go pray, go to talk to God, check on your kids, and show gratitude.
But when all fails your shadow is always there to remind you to face you because even your shadow knows when it has run its course.