Heart Break and The Lonely

Heartbreak can change a person I read article once that heartbreak itself can feel like death on the body and I was like I can see why you say that. That feeling of losing someone you loved and seeing them live another life without you can take a toll on you as an individual. Its something nobody prepares you for because when we think of the word love or the experience itself, we think of rainbows and sunshine. Not once do we think about the pain that comes with losing someone to life.

Now for those of you that lost someone and are not living anymore my condolence to you. I just wanted to say you can find love again and it will always be available when your ready for it. Enjoy the memory of them and the joys you gained even if it brings you pain. No matter how bad it hurts it still brings you joy when their name is mentioned. Take pride in knowing someone in and intimate way that no one else did.

How I ended up writing about this, was because the other day I could feel someone in pain about love. It was sad and I wanted to cry just a little bit. The feeling was overwhelming because it was like someone lost a piece for them and I wanted to know exactly what happened. But respecting the art of grieving I just continued to stay in my energy space and let them be.

Because sometimes you don’t want someone to fix you, you just want someone to understand you and let you breathe through the pain. Whether it be through talking, crying, sleeping, sex, drugs, or alcohol. You just want to be understood and so most people end up abusing substances because we rarely have people who understand our pain.

Sometimes you don’t want to turn to the people around you because you can feel like a burden but not in suicidal way. Just the fact of you wanting to stay in one emotion can be a lot for one person to handle. No matter how much we talk about healing and happiness people fail to recognize that it is going to be someone dark days that comes with them. And that’s the not so pretty things about it because people confuse my happiness for not experiencing any pain.

So, on the flipside it invites people who like to cause problems because they think I’m always happy. When I beg to differ, I’m not always happy, rainbows, and sunshine. Nigga I’m just trying to manage being sane. For real because that pain I felt the other day that came in my force field had me reflecting on pain from years ago when I was in a dark place trying to numb the pain by any mean necessary.

I was playing out old scenarios, singing the should’ve could’ve would’ve that it was completely exhausting on my body. I remember days where I had to smoke just to stay alive if you know what I mean. And guess what caused it a damn heartbreak. I was so used to the pain I experienced in the relationship from cheating, make up to breakups, going broke, children, and money problems that when it was finally over I didn’t know it would hurt again.

Because think about it if you already going through something and you finally say you’re done with something toxic or lower vibrational you expect to be at peace when you leave. Well Divine taught me different honey. This is why so many abuse victims go back to their old partners because they’re never at peace with their decision making. Because it pains them more to leave so they’ll stay and endure the pain because leaving something you love no matter how bad it hurt just downright sucks.

Now I know this blog is going to take turn so brace yourselves. Now this heartbreak blog gone make a lot of people who aren’t emotionally accountable and always play victim feel like they are in they are in the right. Let me tell you sweets you are not. Because a lot of time the expectations you have for something can be your biggest downfall. I always say I don’t go off looking for things I’m not and if I’m not it I learn how I can be something that fulfills me.

Even if its for others but I also set a limit, so I want to go off being vengeful and spiteful toward someone I say I love and care for.

Because when you abuse that vulnerable spot someone has for you, you gone have hell on your hands trying to get them to let down their walls again. And keep in mind it isn’t your job to enable someone else insecurities that’s their job, but don’t you go adding to them. So, when your navigating through the hurt you’ve caused someone you don’t get to tell them to get over a hurt you caused them. But you also don’t have to be an emotional punching bag for the pain you caused someone.

It’s okay to feel your feelings even if your right or in the wrong. You’ll never learn your own moral consciousness development if you are too focused on what is right and wrong. No, I am not enabling bad behavior, but I am enabling free will when it comes to your emotions, but also know that rashness comes with consequences and I think this is where we go wrong.

Now let’s back on the subject. But that’s one thing heartbreak can do to you it can turn you against your damn self. It will have you going in circles. And another thing heartbreak doesn’t also have to be an interpersonal relationship, sometimes it can be your friends that hurt you, a child, or something upsetting you hear. That’s puts you in a place that feels like your soul is crushing from the inside and out.

For me I have learned that anything that hurt is teaching you something you never new before. And you may say I knew I couldn’t trust them and trusted them. Did you though or were you just accustomed to the emotional response they gave you. Sometimes that can lead to the blindsided emotional effect. Where you see people, who navigated through the same pain but never learned from it. Keeping you stuck at the same level instead of experiencing growth.

So, my child if it hurts what can you do about it, nothing right now. You have to feel them emotions because the minutes you go off chasing the nouns to fill that void for you its going to hurt when they leave again. So, experience it, reach out if you need to, cry if want to, but don’t warrant yourself to stay stuck in a place for unhappiness for to long.