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Growing pains

Growing pains are so uncomfortable because when you get pass a certain level or reach a certain recognition with you it’s like the old things you used to put up with or do seems pretty annoying. I mean this past week has been annoying, fun, all over the place, but at the same time its old. The push and pull energy is becoming redundant to me at this point in my life. Because its not the take ten steps forward and two steps back, it’s more of a sidetrack type of energy.

And I can deal with the sidetrack energy its just forceful and the mind games that is what I’m totally over. I know it’s supposed to be playful but its to much at the moment for me it’s slowing down blog post and my me time. When creative moments hit, I just be wanting to write and push out all the message I have at that moment or in a week span of time. But lately I haven’t been posting as much because everyone around me is on some weird shit.

And when I say weird, I mean it, they either doing to much or not enough. I think I’m falling into the not enough for my blog post I mean I write them out and don’t even post them. I like the passion and the fiery message that comes from them so when the spirit of me isn’t in those messages I kind of don’t wont hit submit on the post. Call it dumb but I put my all in to the this, do you know how many songs I have to listen to get my groove? Sometimes this takes hours or 30 minutes but it’s me the inside of my brain and my heart and I share that with many people virtually.

Sometimes its taxing while the other days I be wanting to curl up in blanket and make a fort and eat cereal all day. My son doesn’t get it so inviting someone into my weird little world to share my sense of happiness is a lot. Some people don’t value it enough my time, space, energy, and silence. While the ones that do, they seek to possess, control, or micromanage it. It’s like chill hit the blunt and shut up. I don’t smoke no more but girl that’s all ima say.

But growing pains can be annoying because it’s like the pre-test period to see if you really be paying attention to the things that require your attention. The post-test is a follow up to show you the areas you need to learn and advance in. And the final test is to see if you’re ready to achieve what it is you desire. I know many of you are doing soul work and basic introspective over what has happened in the past months. Whether it was celebrations, marriages, breakups, business, finances, and just your needs.

That at times it can be overwhelming because you need some sort of outlet and being stuck in some emotional or mental block can be quite infuriating. Because trying to see what is blocking you or seems like some sort of hindering can be a lot to manage when you feel you have surpassed a certain area in your life. I mean you possibly could’ve but the nouns maybe your blockage. And for those of you that don’t what a noun is it’s the people, places, things, or objects that consumes majority of your time.

I think for me in this moment is the battle against the past I see so many people trying to build relationships off past events. And I’m not talking about just love relationships alone, but family and business. I mean finding a medium for contracts and family has been pretty tough for me because dealing with grown folks can be a lot. The difference in kids is getting them to focus and making it entertaining, enough for them to learn. Meanwhile adults can be set in their ways and that it can be hard to break through that veil to get them to see something is greater on the other side of them.

I know this isn’t all adults but the new batch of people that’s coming in can be a lot because they’re stuck in their ways of thinking, doing, and acting that expanding their minds to anything different is like pulling teeth with no sedatives. Chile, that’s tiring and when and if you see me walking away or giving up you know I have had enough. I consider myself to be levelheaded and non-bias when it comes to most things its just that the obstacles that I have been faced with is a reaching a broader audience. Just think of me as the mom pop grocery store and we make well over enough and someone comes along saying hey we want you to capitalize on this moment by opening up more of these stores.

The money is good but you aren’t in it for the money it’s the people the experience you have those people who come to see you or you seeing people who struggled to become what it is they are now. And those little moments had made your life become so much better. That now when the expansion comes you take the offer only to recognize you can’t have that interpersonal relationship your used to and now you question was it really worth. The new people are okay, but they aren’t so comforting and all over the place. It’s like hanging out with someone who’s on an x pill and they’re up all night meanwhile your tired as shit.

But your managing so you just have to find the balance between work and play, and your happiness over money and time. It’s a struggle I know everything has a reason but Jesus Christ chile I tell you I just want a baecation and a margarita and silence. I just wanted to let yall know I’m here and back on track and post will be updated by this week and I see, and I hear you. I love you and each every one of you but mama’s getting a life. I ain’t gone forget about yall I just have to get me an iPad or a new laptop because I can’t make post on the go through a mobile device.

If you download the app and select my name you can see daily chats or post on their but lately your girl has been busy. I told I been operating in my inner child that the adult me is like I hate her I want to go home. So welcome to the real world or at least my world is what I’m hearing.


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