Here I am mulling over my thoughts on what to say and I found myself about to be repetitive I said stop and deleted it all out. Because before I knew it, I was going to be giving life to a situation that was going to lead to nowhere. I find myself more and more in hermit mode with nothing to say and no energy to give to a situation. It’s not a depressed energy but it is more I said what I said and that’s that. Child, constantly having to explain yourself to someone who is dead set on not listening, doing things to be spiteful, and doing things to get attention gets old. It’s like the older you get you start to see who’s really doing the work or content with themselves.
I find myself majority of the days scrolling down social media and saying see this is the problem right here but, on the flipside, I scroll and shut TF up. Because sometimes it's best to be quiet I have never found so many people who pride themselves on being toxic and manipulative. They treat it as if it is some badge of honor or as if it was cute. You can tell who got popped and put in time out a lot as a kid and couldn’t wait to get old and still do the same things. Thinking they teaching they parents a lesson, when they really are emotionally isolating people from them. I did a reading on YouTube about this a while ago about how it was time to basically grow up. Right, don’t get me wrong I’m all for fun and living in the moment but when the shit is at someone else’s expense and sanity that’s where I’m out.
I mean I don’t know what the hell type of friends y’all have or like in your life, but sweetie no thank you. Sometimes you have resources, peers, and business acquaintances. Not friends some of y’all say that like it’s some people are a badge of honor. When I beg to differ in some cases it is okay to leave people right where they have you fucked up at. Now this doesn’t mean that you have demonize them but that also doesn’t mean they have an open invitation to come back into your life. I am firm believer that everybody can not go on with you in your next chapter of life. Here’s a link on how sometimes it’s not the person but, it is the energy you carry in this walk of life. I am firm believer that you don’t invite all your friends to certain places.
You have ones that can go everywhere, but you also have the ones that you can’t even take the corner store because they are bound to mess up something. I mean its real as a woman there is no way and hell, I would put all my friends in the same room unless it was a special day and timed because it would be some fights in that bitch. Because one thing for certain, the things I put up with I know these hoes ain’t gone put up with and on the opposite side of this. Were they are in their emotional life it ain’t gone happen. I am at place in my life where I do not desire to be responsible friend all the time. Child, I want fun, bliss, happiness, love, glee, support, understanding, and trust. The kind of friendships where I can leave my drink with, the kind I can crash out on your couch if I get too wasted, the ones where I can tell my business too without being judged, and last but least the ones where they just get my silence.
Now granted every moment isn’t going to be rainbows and sunshine but it would be nice to have this fairy tale in my life. It is my badge of honor I carry around because I too am this and this is okay. The psychological warfare games where we have to fight past the roughness all the time is quite annoying. Because how do you have to time to enjoy the moments and blissfulness of life when you are to busy trying to undo the mistakes that are constantly made. This makes you want to cut off certain friends and connections, it isn’t about being the high morale police. It is about knowing when enough is enough and taking into account that your friends can change into the person that’s best benefitted for them.
Social media has glamorized the struggle love of friendships, love, career, finances, parenting, and everything so much that when you finally become that person who you are supposed to be. That you are to just undo all of that because someone else thinks you’ve changed. The older you get you start to realize who is your friend and how you aren’t really that much of a good friend yourself. You start to look back and say damn I used to do that, or I used to act like that. Or my favorite I still do that, and your friends say “YES”! And you plague yourself on saying why do they put up with that. Sometimes it could be that they emotional block you out, this is why when you have problems they don’t care. Sometimes they are just emotionally as fucked up as you are, and they never stop to say we should change.
Trust me change is the least of things on their mind when they are accustomed to doing the same things over and over again. Or my favorite their too busy to be occupied with you because they really don’t want the hassle of you. It sucks and child I have been a good friend and a bad one in most cases but for majority of it whatever frequency I operated on I would say I was alright in couple of people stories. But I wrote all this to say what are you emotionally annoyed about? What is it that you need from people in your life that you know they can or can not give you? How are you lowballing yourself in life? If there was something you could say to someone who hurt, you in your life and they would receive it what would you say?