It’s a shame a friendship breakup will hit you harder than a actual break up. I mean seriously losing the love of your life to someone else is a game changer, but the friend who shoulder you cry on after a heartbreak is equally important. People would say they have different views on it, but the fact that relationships and marriages lack friendships is the number one reason why people are comfortable sharing things with other people than their person.
Society tells us we are supposed to be perfect so in the eyes of love the chemistry you have with one person doesn’t out weight the friendship you have with someone else. But what happens when you don’t have in it your lover? The value is shifted into another person that ends up causing some breakdown in the commit you already have. Cause y’all gone act y’all friends be easy to get along with and skip over the fact your friend sucks at choosing the right person.
I mean it’s cool and all but after a while you feel like you have to protect them from the mistakes they make or bound to make because your role of love in the relationships shows up as a concerned parent. And in the words of me tell a grown person what to do watch them do the opposite or do it to spite you so you’ll never ask them again. Side eyes stares while typing.
But this blog ain’t about that it’s about something else. I think the actual parts that kill a relationship between two people who once well acquainted is the fact they do stuff for a period of time that pushes them to be enemies. Meaning that instead of emotionally identifying the red flags in the beginning we push those little behaviors away because unlike our lover we don’t have to be around them every day. So, no matter how bad they piss you off the days you spend away from them you rarely address what made you say I’m not going to talk to them anymore.
I told y’all the inner child process is about a lot of things and that’s has something to do with the friendships you make in life. The clicks you align with, the place you go and the people you expect to meet, and the energy you need to feel that the connection is alive. Friendship isn’t just laughs and giggles. Sometimes it’s heartache, pain, loss, elevation, loss of communication, and going period of time discovering life without them.
Why is that the people we claim that we once loved so much or gave so much support too are the ones we treat so badly when all we crave is another chance to make things right? Why is it easily accepted to harm, betray, and ill mouth the ones we once loved? The young folks call it fake and fail to make connections in this new era because they’ll rather die alone than to be talked about. Or lose themselves in meaningless connections because they fail to make a stance on the unfairness of how people treat you.
Now I have had my fair share of breakups with friends you know one with Bluetooth but child she was kind of self-absorbed and I knew that, but didn’t value me enough to change the direction of our relationship. Child, it got so bad that Divine had to throw a monkey wrench in the relationship because I was more loyal to her than she was to me. Child, to be friends with someone and have them kiki with people behind your back and slandering you while smiling in your face is a skill that many have mastered.
It’s funny how when them tables turn they always will find away to come back to make amends when they life ain’t going right. When I say right I’m not talking about money child. It could be love, death in the family, trauma, health reasons, or unhappiness and fulfillment. It sucks though because while all you wanted was a friend. Their characteristics outshined the connection you had with them. Now this ain’t no damn reconciliation blog baby this is that it’s okay to let go and move on so you can accept the blessing of life.
Because some of y’all done had some toxic friendships situations that started way before the big fall out. You know how y’all be in these streets befriending your enemies and dating them too. That bout time the friendship is over you wonder why or how you didn’t see this side of them. Now, I am firm believer that people who haven’t mastered their emotions have a horrible way of reacting to pain. People who haven’t mastered their emotions aren’t always angry or irate. They could also be silent, emotional hoarders, the friends that always let you get away with things.
Until they don’t know more and then boom, you’re the enemy you wished they never had. Now for those of y’all that on be that clique-based friendships do yourself a favor; hold your hand put and smack it like you do them toddlers when they touching sh**. Cause child you knew that you were basing that relationship off of superficial things. Call a spade a spade and cut it out now.
Because people fail to recognize that just because you going the same direction doesn’t mean that they have the same intention as you. Self-awareness ain’t so keen in these streets when you’re so focused on being noticed and not knowing what you should be known for. Reputation matters and at the same time it doesn’t. Reputation to me means karma the shit you do will eventually meet its way back to you some way or another.
It’s just are you going to be aware of the fact that you are the cause of you. Now for those of you that are going through petty squabbles with your friend. Child you do recognize that they do have a life to live as well. I mean love, money, sex, drugs, and life can change a person mind frames. Hell, especially love baby. When your single friend finally gets in a relationship or new doors start opening up it seems like the arguments between the people you care about start to get annoying ass hell.
Because for one moment you finally got something in your life that is stable or brings you happiness and then your friends are making everything about them. I get it your timing could be better, but for them to not emotionally identify where you are at as well with life will make a fall out last more than some days.
Life starts to look a real let me keep on doing what I’m doing because I ain’t got time for this today. Child, STOP HAVING SEX WITH YOUR FRIENDS! Because that be clouding your judgement and you be feeling emotionally entitled to things that they are trying to manifest at the moment. If I’m looking for love and all you talk about is your relationship problems you don’t think for one moment that when I finally find love that I’m not gone be trying to enjoy the honeymoon phase.
Like child, you and your friends are similar on some level so you know some issues is bound to come up in your relationship that they may or not struggle with. And then also when you are in that cupcake phase that shit is dangerous. Because those friends who be going through a tough time in love will always find a way to emotionally rain on your parade. While projection their love paranoia on you. Having you out here wanting to run away from your person or run off with them.
And that fight or flight response is not the space someone is supposed to be in because once they hit that survival state in that relationship. It is nothing you can tell them because they will go into a defensive mode over the person the love.
Child, I get it you love your friends and you want to see the best for them. But you also have to remember they grown and friendships are the one place on earth where your supposed feel like your, not being judged.
Shout out to you for not being a part of the hate crew when your friends are winning. Even if you ain’t in the lineup this season.