Facing The Music

Lately it seems as if the topic of the conversation is trauma and let me tell you it’s a subject that no one likes to talk about. One because of the impact it has on the people around you, the silence that comes with the pain, and the abuser who is also outed in the process. So, there is always this awkward silence when it comes to pain because no one really likes to face themselves in the storm of chaos, pain, betrayal, and grief. If you anything like me you start to eventually say fuck that shit and their feelings because did they care about yours when you needed that peace, love, support, and the second guessing of the decisions they have made. But I don't think people are looking to go that far in their story; it is more of the acknowledgment of the pain they have endured.

Because what is life when you have no one to relate to, to see you, or even hear you? And this is where most people get mad at people because they don't want to be healed they just want to express what is a block for them at the time. Some people rarely have time to acknowledge themselves along the way because life can be so busy and overwhelming. When you have to live in survival mode or just meet certain obligations you set for yourself along time ago. So, when we finally unwind and find the time to express what the issue with people who now live in this day age. The response you are always met with is let's unpack that.

Like did I pay for a therapy session or was it simply a time for me to express what is an issue for me? I think people forget that apart of dealing with grief it comes to a point when some people around us are going to hear some fucked up shit that happened to us at one point in life. And in most cases we would want to jump and resolve the issue because their is a bond of a connection but how do we know they are ready for such action. And as person who learns as I go I had to learn that I had to know when to be vocal about when I needed help and versus when I just wanted to vent.

Now, naturally I didn't bring things up over and again because being the naturally avoidant person that I am I don't want to anyone to feel obligated to help or to listen to me. But when that dark knight of soul came rolling in, "NIGGA I WAS SAYING HELP ME!" I had got tired of holding onto the pain and the fact that it was costing me personal connections child I had to get it together real quick. Because life comes at you fast when you living it blindly. Because pain can be unbearable tool but it also can be your biggest teacher when you learn to feel it right. #PYA

But as I learned to feel my emotions instead of trying to give them an action for the reasons of why I do certain shit I started to feel an unwarranted guilt that came it with. Like nobody tells you that being a human can be hard at times because of how we process life, live, have to love, manage friends, be a caregiver, becomes parents, and overall just have to focus on other things rather than us can be a challenge. Relationships can become muddy and because with expectation and idolization we rarely give people room to grow into the people they need to me. Life has become so one sided that we rarely stop and say how they can show up for me when they don't show up for themselves.

Now, granted it is some people that is just raised like that from the psychological programming they parents instilled into them. So, a person showing up for you isn't hard when their life is falling apart it's just that sometimes we forget how selfish we can be. We can become so focused on what this person does for us and how they make us feel. That we forget hey, they have needs too. The world isn't full of that many narcissistic people it's just people playing role with no script and that is how they are always getting into to some shit. The emotional body can be challenging to deal with because logic does triumph emotions anyday but emotions untamed can make you do things to feel right and validity will come behind it.

Some people rarely stop and say how can I be of service of you today without the need of feeling validated behind someone else's story because it involves them. Help is helping someone they way need to live and survive even if it you don't like it. See, we do not control humans but we allow society to condemn, project, and defile them as if this is normal. And we why wonder everybody is struggling with their sanity and the lack of peace of mind because someone wants their emotional expression to be everybody elses. How sway? You ask me that's some unfair shit.

Because we are all trying to live in this shit hole of an economy. So, the next time someone asks you can you hold space for them be honest even if it hurts there feelings. You don't have to be an asshole about it but continusouly trying to project and override someone else feelings for your own agenda won't make anybody happy. It'll just breed chaos and allow you to be the victim because accountability seems to be void when all you have is problems to solve that are not of your own. You are not a super human learn to say no and honor your boundaries.

Because life will be just life. You want be able to save everybody and that is okay but knowing that you have saved someone should be just enough instead of making yourself a hero when people only want you to be super villian. The time has come to say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND TO HELL WITH THIS SHIT!" Because the sooner you do. The faster you learn to live in your truth. Asé

CIAO