Emotional Serial Killers :
This day and age it seems like the new trend is to group up and see how you can make somebody else mad. I could see if it had a genuine purpose to help someone to become a better version of themselves but in reality, it doesn’t. It just shows how entitled some people are and truly despise being alone. Now I know some of already know this energy to well if you had read black family drama. How family has their clicks, favorites, and golden children child right. It’s pretty quite, disgusting you ask me because the black sheep is always the one, they need to help them get out of the most toxic situations they have created.
Now, yall know the drama I went through with this man and how I ended up in this project right. Blah, blah, blah Jesus talking about it is annoying as hell to me. Because people be really wanting me to be open so they can turn around and use my pain against me. Nigga I am the most transparent person you know it doesn’t work it’s old. So, after years of trying to adjust to a never satisfied ass nigga who critiqued everything I did, I learned to just say f*** it. I found myself at place in my life back in the yonder years of a time where I felt like I had given hope because the only the reality I knew was a covert narcissistic ass boy.
And let me tell you, it was the consistency for me that I have to applaud by the way because this motherf***** was never satisfied on a seven days of week schedule. Over the years I found myself hiding my smile because anytime I had real genuine moment in life, he would try to ruin them. I would be shady at this moment but hey I did enough today there no need to go overboard. It was a time in my life where I found myself smiling less and not engaging with people because dealing with a narcissist, they like to control the dynamic. Child it must suck to always want to be in control all the time and thinking that everybody is supposed to be inferior to you and when someone make you feel like you make them feel now here comes the victim.
Overtime I just learned how to be quiet and let people think that I’m passive when I’m totally not. I find it quite funny when a person has me fucked up and I tell the how they got me fucked they have this reaction like omg. You’re not the person I thought you was, well news flash I thought we all was raised with common decency and here you are treating another human being like a piece of shit for the umptineth time. I think I spelled that word right. Hey, it’s been around in the black community for centuries. So, good luck with spelling that one.
But that taught me while I was battling it out against myself that you can’t make everyone happy. Society has this way of making it seem like we are supposed to be a mood for someone else that we rarely check in with ourselves. I felt like this cost me years of my life because I was too busy chasing the girl I used to be versus getting to know who I was at the moment. It taught me happiness really don’t mean shit to some because if it’s not fitting in with the cool kids, wearing the latest gadgets, trending on social media, have all the money in world, or dating the finest nigga then my child you ain’t happy.
When I beg to differ, I showed y’all my little ponytail that is happiness because it once was a time when I was so vain all I cared about was everything external while my insides where bleeding. You know that whole numb but emotional distant subconscious programming every Scorpio has that can make you come off like a Capricorn at times. Yes, that’s who I used to be. Now I wear my heart exactly where it should be in my chest because I am not afraid of my emotions.
What am I annoyed with is so many people who pretend to be happy and when they finally get a chance to revel in it? They become so occupied with other people’s business and drama that create their own shit storms and feel as if we should all be in a state of misery because don’t know themselves. So, if you are dealing an emotional serial killer just learn the art of detachment. Awareness, communication, and boundaries will save you a lot of time. People have to know that there are consequences for their actions. The rules don’t stop just because your 18 and out of your parents’ house.
And plus, we gone have a conversation about how the black community created this I’m unhappy and show it loud like it’s cute one day. Because I think that started at home with parents trying to control and tame their kids like they’re wild animals forcing us and society to go out in the world and wreak havoc on our own. When all we genuinely want, and need is LOVE.