Emotional manipulation is a real thing and it can be equally as damaging when it comes from the people who you trust or when you do it to yourself. A while ago I took a break and put my energy more into my YouTube channel because spirit was trying to alert me of a message about toxic friendships and the emotional impact, they have on us. While I was thinking this was someone venting about something because they’re hardheaded and continue to do the same things I wasn’t going to beat a dead horse.
I stepped back and was like I’m here if you need me and baby spirit was like you didn’t hear me the first time when I told you what to write about. Girl everybody and they mama was on some crazy shit that had me like, yep it’s time to take a break from social media. And I did but that didn’t kill off my writing spirit. I had just tucked it away like that five dollars your grandma put in your pocket when she doesn’t want your mama to know she gave it to you.
Well y’all ready for the tea not the person who was venting but my tea. Y’all know them boys I told yall about in my hoe phase yes them niggas. I know y’all are like girl what is it with them? I don’t have the slightest idea my niece told me to stop being mean to them and just ignore them. It’s easier for her she’s a Gemini so she bounces to the beat of her own drum. So, she’ll find away to get her revenge back one way or another by making you equally as mad as you made her. Not me I be ready for a whole evil villain scheme.
But he reverted to his old narcissistic traits to woo people in for sympathy and it blew me to no avail because people where soaking this shit up. It was the emotional manipulation he used to gain sympathy. I told yall a long time ago that sympathy is dangerous because it’s a lot of hurt souls maneuvering around so it’s easy to gain an emotional response especially if you know the person pain.
It was like he was trying to make me a villain all over again well I was never a villain I just never got to be a victim. I had to tap into that strong black woman card to keep pushing while people had their opinions of my pains and my actions. And it hit me all over again how emotional manipulation works when you’re doing it to yourself. I thought about how many people who thought they healed something only to trick themselves into believing it doesn’t hurt anymore.
I am firm believer that just because it is out of reach doesn’t mean that emotions don’t lie deep. But it wasn’t an emotional response to what he did to me it was the fact I told myself I had to always keep my cool and let people think what they want to because that’s what’s being cordial is all about. When it’s actually the opposite, how I lied to myself and it made my grieving process so hard from the years of 2014-2017. How I was avoiding speaking my truth, how I let him shun my voice because certain people didn’t care they just like the drama.
So, instead of me speaking up and about what happened to me I allowed him to tell the world what I did to him and how he still loves me. It’s sickening right how men always get to go to one childhood trauma and use it as an excuse to treat people shitty and cruel. I am not trying to be an ass hole but seek a therapist because I’m tired of women being, there for everybody else but they damn selves. They aren’t even there for women but they sholl will pacify the shit out of men.
And men don’t take this the wrong way but y’all be acting like it isn’t some messed up men out there. I mean the gaslighting that goes into saying every man ain’t like that, terminology is getting old. Y’all be knowing yall just don’t say nothing. That’s why y’all try to keep your distance from men who act like that instead of calling them out and teaching them how to be real men.
And don’t get me started on women cause chile them thangs is so emotional manipulative it makes no sense. I mean just think about it all you have to do is disagree with them and they have made an enemy out of you for life. When all your blatantly is asking them to communicate what is going on instead of trying to persuade you into their style of thinking. They be the main ones who think saying I’m sorry is going to fix something I mean look at the mothers and daughters’ relationships that shit be toxic as hell.
I mean when I sat down and thought to myself, I said when have women had the time to be women. Like what does a woman feels like to you outside of being a mom, lover, career woman, and a producer. And when I say I producer I’m talking about the things you give and bring life to in your existence. Like honestly who are you. I mean I had folks trying to force me into crying about shit I been through. When and if I wanted to those people would’ve taken advantage of my emotional displacement.
So, how does that make me any different than any woman I have ran across. Pain is pain and people act like it’s a contest for who has the most wounds, the worst trauma, and has experienced the messed-up sides of life. Women I tell you will have you thinking you’re always supposed to be victim and society will tell you to use that pain as motivation. I mean honestly shit hurts sometimes. I mean after I broke up with my last lover, I thought I was going to sit on a couch in a onesie and cry my eyes with my friends and watch chick flicks.
Nope that didn’t happen because I didn’t create the time for it, and they were to busy trying to be strong women themselves. So, the people I hung around was the people I shouldn’t because nobody wants to be alone. There a difference in enjoying your own company and being lonely and baby nobody likes to feel lonely. I get it things hurt and talking about emotions isn’t everyone’s strong suits, but you can’t allow your own emotions turn you into something you are not.
EX: hateful, joyless, resentful, passive aggressive, timid, shy, careless, heartless, cruel, a Debbie downer, a failure, and angry. These are all emotions but staying in one emotion is unhealthy.
SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION
People who use your own emotions against you.
People who use their emotions against other people to get there way.
Avoiding honesty because you feel it will hurt another person, creating a narrative that something is okay when it is not.
Can be a person who knows what to say and do to get you to do something they want. i.e. emotional blackmail.
Avoiding your own feelings because you feel your voice doesn’t need to be heard.
Avoiding standing your ground against a bully because you feel they are more powerful than you.
Emotional manipulation also can be when someone threatens to take away something or harm someone who is close to you to get what they need from you. Seek help at that time.
Emotional manipulation is the same as a person who coerces you into doing something that you don’t feel comfortable with.
That’s just a few signs I could go on and on, but I didn’t want to because this post would’ve been extremely long. Remember googling is your friend and books are too so feel free to check out my emotional blackmail post.