I am not new to doing the work, but baby sis needs a break. I’m over the apologies the continuation of the same thing from certain individuals. Yall know I been on this spiritual journey since 2012 but active since 2014 and let me tell you its been a freaking ride. As of June, I did a ritual to call back the last broken fragmented piece of my energy aka soul ties. And baby let me tell you I have been operating in my feminine energy a lot and I love it but baby that last piece is giving me hell.
Whew, it has been! I don’t even want to reason with it or even heal it because I’m majorly disappointed in it. My masculine energy is my bread winner, go getter, and all-time hustler its resilience to no means. So, when I got it back, I was thinking this was going to be a breeze only for it not to be. A lot of men don’t follow their intuition so its lead them to laying down with low vibrational women, cheating, lack of control, and operating in their animalistic behavior that it reeks chaos wherever it goes.
So, when women who fairly operate in their masculine energy and it being unhealed can cause damage to a lot of men and people to only emotional justify their mistakes by playing the victim. I mean accountability isn’t much it just brings a ton of guilt that puts people in a position to where they recognize no one can save them but themselves. So, all the work I have put in to become a better me feels like a waste. Not entirely but a bit much so.
Divine had promoted me to do so because my last lover had gotten into a relationship so whenever something would go wrong, he would energetically call on me. That got annoying pretty fast because it was like I was second again while he reaped the benefits of doing nothing. I had noticed when I was dating and the masculine’s I chose to date they operated more in their feminine energy. To teach me a lesson that it is okay to be vulnerable and not undesirable. So, they were a bit needy necessarily, egotistical, and dramatic as hell.
I mean it really fucked up some good things in my life because of the way they acted and the way I tolerated certain things from them. A lot of women go through this with men and then when she is fed up, she just snaps because she’s emotionally tired. It’s like the excuses doesn’t work anymore the old rhetoric is gone. And when she wants something from her masculine it seems impossible because he was to busy paying attention to everything but his feminine.
So, when she decides to walk away its for good because men sometimes forget that it is called give and take not take and take. It’s some feminine’s who do this as well take advantage of their partner and gets mad when he decided to leave the relationship because he no longer feels good enough to support her in her journey. But you know what I’m tired because again I feel like Divine has plagued me with one last test to say you’ll be done when you finish this and I’m like come on man! (Boosie voice)
You seen, those days when I was losing faith and praying to you and asking you to help guide me through and Divine did that but this one time, I’m just so over it. I don’t even know necessarily if this a test or naturally my old Scorpionic way’s just trying to heal something because I feel obligated. Because I been operating my feminine energy for so long and it’s something I hadn’t did before. And I’m not talking about where you take care of others more than yourself, getting your hair done, making sure the kids straight. No, I’m talking about standing in front of the mirror but booty ball naked and just loving my damn self from the inside out.
I ain’t ever been shame of my body you can ask but this feeling is so free to just love me because women get caught up on feeling like they aren’t good enough for society, are the pretty enough, and are they wifing it enough for their lover. No this is freaking bliss, I love stability not routine. I told yall I’m ready not lonely for a masculine energy, but I would like for a man to appreciate me, to adore me, and to grow with me. I’m not into women because I could’ve had that, but I don’t want that. I already had that.
I want something new not this drama felt chaotic bullcrap that has been going on lately. Strong women don’t get enough credit for holding back tears, for being vulnerable with men, and for sharing themselves loosely with lower vibrational men and bouncing back. And when I say loosely, I mean not following their intuition when they know this person means them no good. Men don’t get your panties in a bunch I got something for yall too but not right now.
This journey has been taxing and also at the same time amazing how I aroused from the ashes and became the beautiful phoenix that I am. But damn the load would be a lot of bit easy with some protection and coveting. It’s like this numbness and cold heartedness feeling that is kicking in and not from a bitter space that has had enough. I know this is only the start for something great because we are in the number 2’s eras but gawd dawg this is going to be a long journey.
I’m up for it but geesh I think I’m just disappointed in the masculine and feminine energies I have been coming across. Maternal issues being highlighted, women chastising women, women not embracing their own, or even accepting them i.e. bullying. I mean its not cute not at all. But I wrote all this to say to work when you don’t want to and not when your tired. Because no matter how hard your trying to heal, work, grow, and glow you’ll always miss out the amazing pieces that life is trying to show you.
I know nobody may not see you because society has is so focused on how pretty you are or how fat your ass is that they necessarily forget you are human too. So, don’t give up because it’s some people on the side lines hoping you lose because they are too afraid to do the work. Ask your self are you tired of not being good enough for people who ain’t good enough of you. ME TO ME!
I LOVE YALL STAY PROTECTED!