To those who may know this already if it is a repetitive message to you then, welcome to the club. A lot of people fail to understand the value in doing inner child work. You know how we have an inner critic we also have a little child inside of us that also affects our belief system. And no, I’m not talking about pregnancy or people who have already had kids. I’m talking about the person who decided the life they wanted but gave up on going after it because life didn’t go as you planned.
I mean where is your faith in you? A lot of people fail to recognize the power in inner child work because a little self-reflection on childhood and adulthood can tell you how you picked the relationship you are drawn to, the careers you make money in, and the way we express ourselves. In a world where we all couldn’t wait to get 18, we sholl have everybody doing what everybody is doing and that is not the work. Child I couldn’t wait to be grown and do grown folks shit whether that was partying, staying by myself, traveling the world, connecting with people, wanting to be liberated, and living on the wild side.
And child I did my 18 to mid 20’s was a wild time to me and I definitely enjoyed it some not so much, but the lesson I gained was a world wind experience for many generations to come. I rediscovered parts of myself, identified the reasons of why I was running from me, and mastered the reason to be free from any restrictions. I understood the value in rule breaking and also following the rules.
But child it didn’t come easy, hell half of the lessons and work I was doing I thought it was just growing up. Until I started using my social media and seeing the real name for things, I was doing it made it a little bit easier to navigate certain situations. But like many who seek out things without the full context they find themselves lost and just reiterating the pain in a different way.
Have you ever talked to someone who just started therapy? It’s like they either can be too open or never know when to shut the f*** up. I get it we all been there before but you can tell how quickly that joy disappears when they have to actually create a life based around the things, they truly need to live a better life. Because most people think therapy is more of a reason to vent and still be the same person without applying any changes. While some forget the reasons, they go.
Healing can be addicting when you’re so accustomed to change. The people who say therapy don’t work and those sessions you have with other don’t work is because you’re too busy trying to change the real you. A lot of people don’t even pay attention the things they do and a lot of people don’t even know the real reason they seek out therapy.
I have seen several people who lack their own truth to life sit up and tell me a story that was told to them when they were younger. Ex: You grew up in a single parent home as black male and mom who works all the time. That lacked time for herself and to be a valuable parent in your life. Maybe their where some financial challenges that cause break downs in communications and how you perceived yourself to fit in with everybody else. That every time you lacked something there was always blame on the other parent because your mother didn’t know the value in being vulnerable. Because being a black woman vulnerability don’t come so easy.
Now you grow through life worrying what would life be only if I had my father in my life. When in actual reality I think you probably would’ve been a ok without either parent. Survival skills is a bogga wogga and you’ll be amazed at what you can teach yourself. Seriously, pun intended wipe the frown off your face. Now let’s continue.
Now because the majority of your childhood you spent all of your joy, faith, and wonder on what life be like with a person who I was told I needed so much. After time and time again, you had been let down it started to affect your confidence in you and the people around you. Because the excuses and the things you were told didn’t align with what you felt. Because the little boy that wanted to be happy didn’t get a chance to because mama said otherwise.
As you grew older it stunted your relationships with friends, lovers, and family. You ask yourself how so? Because of your need to be right, you found in situations that only appeared to be your truth. So, now your six months in or 30 days in therapy telling the therapist the same story that was told to you. Because you don’t even believe they capable of helping you get back to you. But the sessions, the drives, the talks, and lessons they leave you with it still bothers you.
Because it wasn’t about the money you needed to survive, the place you needed to stay, and the food you needed to eat. It was the love and the freedom to be who you wanted to be. See it was never about the parent, who parents the best but the one that’s shows up and accepts you for who you are.
See most people fail to recognize that kids are kids, they only know what you tell them or what you expose them to. And this is why inner child work is so important, it’s not about the story you have told yourself or lived out for many years. It’s how the story has controlled and led your decision makings from a child to an adult.
So, the next time we get this ball rolling and doing inner child work I’m going need you to bring your pencils, notepad, and journals with you so, you can take away something from this. Even if it disturbs your spirit, figure out why. Even if it makes you feel like the naked baby coming out the womb just getting a taste of light, figure out why. It is not my job to be in control of someone else’s emotions its only my job to tell you how those emotions affect you..