Do the help actually help?
Third party situations can be tricky especially when people do not know their role and play their position. Threes a crowd as they say and sometimes it is just that. Now on depending if your relationship status is poly that is different. I am not talking about that, but dramatic felt relationships. You know the ones were people such as family, friends, and associates feel like they have a part in your relationship and do not respect your wishes. Yes, those the aggy felt growing pains. Last night we did a tarot reading on what is coming for the week and how to deal with the issues that arise. Since this whole pandemic has been going on a lot of people have been forced to face themselves individually. No more coming home complaining about the dishes not being done because now your home and you see the real issue. You see the lack of order and chaos that has been going on while your away and now your being forced to face it.
Things may seem unfair, but it is nothing that change, structure, and order cannot fix. Now let us get into the type of third-party entities I am talking about.
THE PARENTS/ PARENT: The overbearing but subtitle one and overly opinionated. Yikes, depending whose parent it is your partner may recoil your parent’s existence. As humans we do not know how shitty we are being treated until someone else comes along with the defensive energy. If someone cares about you a lot, they do not want to see you hurt in any form hell, they do not want you even hurting yourself. It is soul crushing to watch someone you love to turn into the things they hate because of the lack of self-awareness and boundaries. Parents in most case have this strong sense of entitlement over their child’s life. Now depending on the parent relationships status when they had you really matters. Honestly, because women in most cases women are forced to be the woman their mother could not be because they either blame them for their existence. Having to take care of you as a child and her failed dating life. As well as sons with the fathers and its truly sometimes disgusting how little to no value we give ours kids besides being adorable. So, now your grown and in love and experiencing a new feeling you have never felt with a person and here comes the entitled parent. Coming off as if you have to date them too and buy them things as well. In the beginning your partner may have shrugged this off because they were trying to get to know you. In the like phase of the relationship is when we let minor things fly only to be arguing about it 2-3 years plus in the relationship. The lovely dovey phase is the time to be setting up shop to be burden free. You know that blissful intoxicating love that you cannot get enough of.
THE FRIEND/FRIENDS: You knew your partner had a whole life before you and all you want to do is be treated like they treat they friends. You know to be prioritized like they do their friends without making them sacrifice their friends. All you want is your time and their friends to know you matter as well. It is a difference from knowing you exist but them knowing how your partner feels about you. I mean they may or may not disrespect you, but you just do not get that particular genre of energy from them that give their friends. I mean what you do say. Do you discourage them from hanging with them? Do you see what your partner gets from the relationship with their friends that you or your partner maybe lacking? Have you viewed them from a nonjudgmental place from a third-party perspective without the need of someone else opinion? I think in most case partners be so focused on getting the person that they actually forget to get them mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
THE SIBLING/ SIBLINGS: Lord what is with people with big families who have no respect for their family members relationships. Jesus! (inserts chuckle) It is like your five again and being forced to share a restroom with your sibling/sibling all over again. The crowdedness, the lack of space, and just the closeness you share that sometimes can get on your partner nerves. It is not a jealous thing but a more of like you have had your whole life to spend with each other why does your partner time have to be inconvenienced by your family. Now, sometimes some of us do not have the nicest family when it comes to dealing with other people and it can over-bearing to deal with. I think it has to do with the routine of being around each other so much that the aggravation comes in because you want your space. But at the same time, you do not want them to leave for forever but to not be so codependent on you.
THE CAREER: We know no one wants to live in poverty and not to be able to afford nice things but, sometimes being so consumed with work can be a Debbie downer. I know the money that comes in from the career can alleviate most of the burdens that most American have but what about when the money start to cause more problems. I think it is time reevaluate your need and purpose of being driven by it. Are you a big saver, do invest it, or do you blow as soon as it come? Then also count the bills, bills I mean people who are not on the payroll. I mean the people who basically expects you to take them with you wherever you go. I mean I could see if you had a partner and they were not as financially stable but they balance you in some sorts that is okay. But when it is family and friends always calling looking for a handout at some point you must put your foot down. I mean at what cost do you and you lover get to enjoy anything without someone expecting something as well. The entitlement some people have is scary and they have no shame in it either. So, what do you want to do about it? Are you going to continue to stress over things you can change or let the stress overwhelm you to the point where your forced to sit down for health reasons?
HAVING HONEST TALKS ABOUT ISSUES THAT AREN’T EMOTIONALLY DRVEN CAN SET BOUNDARIES INTO POSTION. I MEAN YOU KNOW THE PROBLEM YOU JUST HAVE TO FACE IT HEAD ON. IF A CERTAIN SUBJECT KEEPS ARSISNG AND YOU WALK AWAY BECAUSE OF NOT BEING HEARD PROPERLY THEY’RE GOING TO CONTINUE TO KEEP WALKING OVER YOU. IF MAJAORITY OF THE CONVERSATION IS NEGATIVE THEY’RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN. IF YOU KEEP SENDING OTHER PEOPLE TO GO TALK TO THE PERSON. THEY WILL NEVER GET YOUR MESSAGE ACROSS. IT’S EMOTIONALLY TAXING AND PROLONGS A SITUATION THAT COULDVE BEEN NIPPED IN THE BUD FOR EVERYONES SAKE. HEY, BOUNDARIES HURT AND SO DOES COMMINUCATING WHEN YOU’RE NOT BEING EMOTINALLY HONEST. THE PURPOSE OF COMMUNICATION IS TO STATE YOUR NEEDS AND THEY DON’T HONESLTY HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. YOU CAN GET YOUR MESSAGE ACROSS IN AN NON AUTHORAITVE WAY WITHOUT DESENTIZING YOUR MESSAGE.