Like many couples they don't decide to get married to get divorced life happens an, sometimes you can be to brash in your decision or you could've simply married the wrong person. Like many couples who’ve experienced their fair share of up downs they've managed to make it because of love. Or like the old saying it's cheaper to keeper. Honestly, but who knows what you’re going through in your marriage. Marriage in the olden days was for slaves to be able to come back to their partners and to remember they were all they all had. In a spiritual sense its defined as emerging with one like being in harmony with the mind, body, and spirit. The etymology of marriage goes way back before I was born, and it varies in different cultural settings.
The difference in today’s economy that most couples are so focused on pleasing and being our ancestor an elders that we forget what it is that we want out of life. Now I'm not married, and I just changed my mind on marriage because I was opposed to it and I won’t discuss right now. So, let’s get back on track. As I stated in the above paragraph, I said they were all they had and needed each other. They lived each day in fear for their lives. You know if somebody told you, your partner had only so many days to live what would you do. Will you be focused on the emotional distance or live each day as if it was your last? In today’s marriage couples lack nothing so what is the need for another person. I'm not talking about materials and money. I'm talking about people who are so full of themselves that they have no room for anyone to love to them. How can a marriage work if your partner can't love you the way their designed to if you won’t let them? Marriage is a tricky subject because some couples are made specifically to go through certain things to grow as one.
My granny always told me don't feed a man you don't want to keep and don't let man place a ring on your ring finger. Her reason stated that people who get engaged stay engaged or go through the things to test the strength of their love. Think about it you see couples being so stressed out of the wedding that when things fall apart, they fall together. Most couples go at battles alone versus going at them as a team and when one person fails the other party gets mad. Leaving the other party to feel as if all their efforts were wasted in vain. People fail to recognize that marriages and relationships are investment. You can't just get a business and leave someone else to start it up and wonder why it doesn't reflect what you want because you didn't put anytime in. Partners fail to realize that what you sew into the marriage is what you reap. If your gender roles place a separation between you in the person, you're married to it's time to ask are you guys playing house.
That goes with the placement and value chart of people we put before our partners, marriages, unions, and self. Honestly, we aren't taught how marriages work because they're setup differently for each person for a reason. We're always told of what a man and woman supposed to do for us in a marriage to upkeep the marriage but not what love is and how love can be defined in different ways. I think we're looking for our own fairytale and happy endings and most times we find ourselves in marriage mad at people because they don't fit the narrative your expectations. Expectations can be your biggest downfall when they're not shared with your partner and coming from a real perspective. A happy house is a happy spouse is the goal. When couples find themselves catering to the needs of one more than both it creates an expectation and urgency for them to demand you to be something you don't want to be all the time.
At this point one person has become the receiver and justifies what they do for you but, you don't feel it has meaning like it has for them. This is the most common thing in divorce cases expectation, entitlement, and one sidedness. Besides those people who honestly had terrible taste in men/women and didn't know who they were. Complacency can break up the healthiest couple. Sometimes couple's find themselves in a rut and adapting to it because they've accepted that reality. Without doing anything to change it. Women find themselves being forceful with their emotional reasons and men find themselves at comfort with chaos because in reality he thinks it isn't going to change. So, divorces became easy and the blame game was always on standby. Sometimes people fail to recognize that their relationship didn't even have a proper foundation. It was just two people who found themselves inseparable and never stop to check and see the direction they were headed in.
Leaving them to be placed in dysfunction building trauma bonds with partners and forcing them out of a reality that they once loved. Geesh have you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome! Whew. It is real most people only think this can affect people who are in occult type lifestyle. Most partners don't even respect themselves or their marriages and I'm not talking about infidelity and bad mouthing your spouse. But morals, ethics, tact, emotional intelligence, and human decency. It's fine though we all lack in some areas. The problem is when you can't see your own wrongs. So, the next time you find yourself throwing around that d word to get an emotional reaction out of your spouse don't be mad if they take the bait. They might just be sick you as well and willing to suffer in peace than chaos.
What is the foundation of your marriage/relationship?