Your closure is someone else’s beginning as I heard this on a commercial once. I’ve sat on this for a minute because like many people I have found myself emotional frustrated with people trying to pick up where we left off. Like excuse me did you even ask to get to know the me I’ve become. Have you noticed anything different about me? Like damn, I’m not the person I used to be with you as well you alleged to be to me. Now keep in mind it’s been a lot of planets in retrograde and after those love readings I did yesterday oo I seen where the collective was.
Because sweetie I was like is it me only dealing with my past trying to cat call me like ima stout junt, in some apple bottom jeans, and some all-white bricks on my feet. Saying, yo what’s good I’m trying to get your number Ms. Lady. And it’s been the most disrespectful parts of my past, I’m talking about heartbreak, embarrassment, harassment, trauma, old wounding, and toxic relationships. Now keep in mind I don’t run from shit but a roach. But I will gladly sashay my fat ass off if I feel like you are wasting my time. For me it’s the disrespect that comes with it because its not like they are comfortable with the new me I have become it’s like they want me to be the old me.
If only they knew how hard it was for me to shed the parts of myself that no longer served me while they also served a purpose for me. The discomfort they feel with the person I have become it’s the same discomfort I feel from them because I no longer lead with things such as; you smoke, you don’t like fake bitches neither, or don’t you hate people who do this and that? It’s awkward ass hell but as I scrolled through my phone last night searching for content I landed on this message, and it was reminder to just be kinder to yourself. As well as I am with those who are growing into the being they need to be like I needed too.
Have you wondered why certain people are in your life or why all of sudden they have popped back up? For me child it’s my exes and they annoying as hell let me tell you that. Well preferably two Virgos and a Cancer that has been getting on my last nerve and no I’m talking about you boogie baby daddy. I meant these fools almost destroyed my will to live again. I found myself plenty of days under the moon doing divination work, crying to God asking him is there more for me out of life. While they got to control the narrative and live false truths all I was hit with was my truths over and over and over again. Until I decided I didn’t like they way it felt anymore, taste anymore, or even seem anymore.
It was like life was picking up for them while my life was going downhill at the sametime I mean ask anybody who has been through a Phoenix rising baby that shit hurt like hell. To see them now at a point to where the drugs don’t soothe them, the bitches don’t soothe them, and the job don’t soothe them anymore. I guess I’m supposed to do now huh? Like many people when you step off that karmic cycle you also have to remember them lessons you learned as well, or those people will take you back on it. To hell with that old soul group, I used to identify with or even my ancestors’ identified with baby it’s my turn to lead na.
Now, I’m not being cocky or anything I just find it funny now that I’m not in place to be overly reactive to the things they used to do I guess I’m the bad the guy. Because before they could get the emotional stir out of me, and I would state my case and they would vilify me while I showed my wounds to world with pain and honor. So, now that I have no emotion to give, I guess I am their beginning to life. It’s funny how I used to beg these niggas to love me, show up for me, support me, or even acknowledge me. The little girl in me awakened and I once found the beauty in seeing all of my pain as the colors of the rainbow in the sky.
The conversation I used to yearn for I don’t even think even twice about it, because I know they only use it as a weapon to hurt me. That’s why I found me so when they speak or speak of me, I wholly honor me. Because of those days when I thought I needed the support from broken people I recognized that they haven’t even found themselves. When I learned to release my attachment to healing because of them I found out some of them weren’t willing to change. And my change made them feel uncomfortable and I recognized it wasn’t job to make them comfortable or uncomfortable.
My recognition made me aware that I didn’t have to stay where I wasn’t wanted it. Because these new age healers will tell you go heal yourself and stand in the corner while everyone else run wild blindly. And you better not once speak up because you know this is what comes with the journey of healing. #IKYFL
I said all this to say that healing doesn’t come over night and closure isn’t always acknowledgement. Sometimes its I’m sorry, recognizing your errors, that everybody isn’t meant to stay in your life, that evolution is best, and pity isn’t going to get you anything but a rub on the back. When you decide that you are sick and tired just remember that somebody has just found strength to give something another go. It’s on you to be cognizance enough to say no thank you and keep it moving. TATA, MY LOVES! GO TO BED!