Cha, Cha

While y’all been working on your healing journey, bitch I been over her saying thank you, next. In the spirit following that I find myself saying where is my money baby because my time is precious, and I am annoyed by this process. If it isn’t the constant think pieces about my life or what we should do next in this alleged project child, I'm over it. It's the past baby and guess what we can’t do nothing about it but learn from, grow from it, or stay stuck on it. The thing with me is it doesn’t have to be a collective of someone else's past journey. We all have our own journey that we are on so nobody shouldn’t stay stuck in a cycle because of one person. We do grief differently, so our emotional outlets are bound to try to at least keep us out of a funk. But the repetitive behavior patterning someone is trying to get us to adjust to is just an emotional patterning where they need psychological help is exhausting.

Some people are literally crying for help and saying help me, but the bad behavior and the constant misdeeds is hard to decipher through at times. Because when adults can do some foul shit continually after a while the healing seems off to other people. They avoid you for their sanity because they are tired from the heartbreak, pain, discomfort, sleepless nights, and the plaguing emotions. Sometimes we forget that other people need space too, they need love too, and support too. It doesn’t always have to be another person but having more than a moment where you just have a sigh of relief only to return back to the same shit is exhausting. Baby, I am not in the damn war I don’t believe in struggle love and having PTSD from past relationships and healing from that is exhausting.

It’s like finding an abused dog all over again and putting it back together and my days of dealing with strays is over because the repairing process don’t even be worth the damn reward. Because if you keep over assisting, in love, giving support, and kindness to the same type of people, you’ll find yourself resenting everything and everyone because of the ungrateful people you have dealt with. Now granted some people don’t know better but it takes them too long to recognize this. By the time they realize this you are either long gone or dead and gone if I'm being honest. This is a harsh truth that some people fail to take into account, this is why some people don’t take the passing of loved ones so easy. Sometimes it isn't about the love they had for this person, it’s the support they gave, how they could've done more, or listened and responded to the needs of this person. That sometimes they don’t even see they are being selfish again.

If you think I'm lying look at your kinfolks getting into about how so and so passed on. The arguments stem from what they liked and how they liked to take care of things. When someone who hasn’t been attentive, tries to show up and do the right thing they take that personal because where we you. It isn’t a diss, it isn't about favorites. It's about the love they shared with this person, sometimes we take it personally and think everything is supposed to be a we or a group endeavor when their feelings are just as valid. Conflict comes in because of the lingering relationship a person has had with you, the behavior pattern you have with them or self, or sometimes it can be a smidge bit jealously because you get away too much while someone is responsible for picking up the pieces. This is why I am not found of acting out the past because simple conversations can be had.

And some people beg to differ, sweetie we not having a conversations to solve a problem. We have those conversations to check the temperature of the room and see how a person feels then you go off and look at the problem to come up with a solution. Constantly drudging up old emotions and dragging out old conflicts can be dangerous because we all have those moments where we sit up and say damn, I should've said this, or I should've rocked so and so shit. Baby, y’all like to play with fire too much for me. Inserts clip of the man saying, “WHY ARE YOU RUNNING”! As I run away from y’all problems eating my chips in duress from all of the stress that people be causing me. If I am being honest, I hate the way y’all be solving problems because sometimes it’s not a problem. Some people just don’t like you and you just don’t like them and y’all be trying to have this fake ass grown people rhetoric running through the group chat. When it's genuinely about respect.

If someone doesn’t like you and they are willing to continuously disrespect you or your needs, then I'm going to need you to have courage to just walk away. I don’t care if it is your family, cousin, sister, mama, boyfriend, lover, boy, baby, spouse, fling, or whoever. Some people just won’t never respect you and they don’t need access to what is yours and your energy. It ain’t about playing get back but that is bullying, y’all don’t believe in the school shooter type teas. Now, I am not making light of school shooting. It is a syndrome to me where a person is expected to put up with so much because of someone's belief system or a state of hierarchy that is in place. That is when that person has had enough and their sensory skills are in overdrive, they are bound to snap and hurt us all.

And a note to my skin folks, thinking you can do whatever to someone because you black baby I am here to tell you, “ NO YOU CANT”. Everybody isn't going for that because it shouldn’t be a race thing when someone is asking for human decency from someone. It isn't okay for someone to sit up and constantly rag on someone all of the time just because we black. No, I am talking about comedy but this agenda y’all be having going over here is crazy. Like trying to get someone business taking down, gossiping, lying, spreading rumors, hate mail, trying to get someone killed, and steal my shit. And acting like we supposed to sweep this shit under the rug baby that ain’t some shit we fina sweep nowhere. Because your opinions of me should’ve stayed over there in your house not mines. Now granted the internet gives people space to communicate whatever they want to but sit up and drag somebody name in the dirt everyday because you miserable, lack decorum, and self-awareness is exhausting.

No human on earth deserves the treatment I have had to deal with from weirdos, entitles, and black folks. We all are searching for something outside of life. Learn how to just cha cha right on into the next season of your life without trying to bring everybody down because you're miserable. This goes for you Duck Lips, Anxious Betty, Maurice, Teyana, and Coco Bean.

CIAO