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Can I Vent? (Surviving and Thriving!)



To the little girl who was once a child yearning for affection from the world I just wanted to say that I see you. Sometimes it's tough and life is going to life and my motto is, if life is going to life at least keep your skin tight. Now, you maybe wondering how did we get here well I wanted to go on full rant about the fucked up things my mother has done to me. But after a soul shower and being self aware it is the realization that there was no need to bring attention to something I am not. This journey has been a taxing one because closing that door completely has been a hassle because of the things she has done. So when people come to tell me their stories it opens up stories for me as well. And not the good ones. It brung about a self awareness of how we miss things to reminisce on them.


It is crazy how the body can yearn for something that we never once had right? The fixation we crave, the love we seek, it’s how we act, speak, think, and live amongst certain people. And how hate can become love even in the minor series of life. I am not talking about those with messed up with relationships with their mothers but more how they create the way you see life. Sometimes some people are so selfish that they don't see how their actions affect your life. Trauma can be blinding and can be a portal for the darkness that we can find ourselves slipping into to hide away from life. How we stop being the exciting creature we once were, how we stop smiling at those who smile back at us, how we stop seeing the glass for itself, and how we stop striving for a bit of hope in anything.


And those who raise us sometimes can forget that they can be that beckon of hope for us even in the darkest hour. It’s not that they are supposed to be the rock in our darkest hour, it's that they teach us that we find that rock in our darkest of time, what is called internal strength. This last year alone has drugged my ass over the mud and back and even back to life with the roughest shake up saying get up and fight. With tears in my eyes asking God why because I forgot how to live through the pain. Dealing with faith challenging moments and being the curse breaker in a bloodline and fighting for someone to see me to help me has been a challenging time. Pushing a business, pursuing a dream, being a mom, and maintaining balance has been a ride this year. With the lies, gossip, rumors, smear campaigns, stalkers, doppelgangers, copycats, and extortions has been a something you would call BULLSHIT!



NOW THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BUY HOW A BITCH HAD ME FUCKED UP:


Sidebar hear me rant for a minute! Do you know how fucking bad a bitch has been stressed and hot under the collar from all the attacks a bitch has been through, Cyber bullying, cyber attacks, lies, smear campaigns, thefts, lies, faking of deaths, near death experiences, and plots take my business away from me is what I have been through. If I could count it all down all the times this shit happened baby I think I would be in the Guinness World Book of dealing with some of the dumbest criminals and me looking like a damn fool. The constant reassurance I have to give people that I am alive. The changed sleeping schedule I have adapted to, the constant delays of money, the constant liens on my money, and several court cases a hoe has been through. Child, let me tell you something this blog could go a lot different if I wanted it to. Because child, let's just say when you have an ego maniacal narcissistic mother. Let’s just say when she wants attention she is going to get it. And child she got it by any means necessary with no care of how it impacted me, my kids, subscribers, and comrades. Jesus, so bare with me for a minute while I don’t want to speak on her because over here she doesn't deserve that attention like that from me. So the story she has, stating she has changed for the umptenth time won’t work on me this time or any time. Sorry, I am not my sister. It doesn't diminish her but that is what a narcissistic control looks like. So, call me out because baby that's where I been casted. Child, now let’s get back on subject even though I am ready to wrap this up.


The realization I had to come to is that you don’t give up hope on the people who believed in you because someone else wants someone not to. You fight another day for you to live and learn to be happy outside of their noise. After a while the tears and sorrow you feel won't drown out the noise you feel within it just creates a louder noise within you can’t escape. Until you recognize that you are the power you seek and sometimes the pain you carry can cancel out the noise of others. The voices become the opinions you reject because of the criticism you tell yourself after a long time. That the silence you crave for sometimes only comes from accepting defeat so when it's time to get back to out there you challenge the narrative you are finding for yourself. So, to the little girl that feels that she didn't get what she deserved for prom it’s time for you to finally crown yourself because you have finally recognized that I am not my trauma nor my mom.


P.S. I DON’T KNOW WHO NEEDS TO HEAR BUT BABY PLEASE STOP LIVING IN DELUSION! AMEN


CIAO


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