Can I Vent?

Can I be honest I found my block that was blocking my writing. It was the fact that I didn’t want to help someone because of someone that had hurt me that is now looking for help as well. Any other time I don’t struggle with saying no or basically explaining not right now because I have unresolved emotions. But this particular time it hit quite a soft spot for me. I belief in the term don’t go off creating enemies because you may not know who you may need, and that term came to bit someone back in the butt.

And for me it didn’t sit quite well with my spirit because I didn’t do anything to this particular person. Now I have dealt with my share of lower vibrational people, so this isn’t my first rodeo, but I think for me this was the straw that broke the camels back. Because I have worked so hard to become what I am and to finally be at a place where I’m not worried about the mundane things of the worlds. In the words of my granny if people ain’t talking about you think you must not be doing something right. Well my smart mouth ass always had a comeback.

Because some people are just plan miserable and want you to join their party with them and that’s something I’m not to fund of. I’m human I grow and evolve as well as other do, so I have moments of weaknesses where I want to address certain behaviors and the other times I don’t. But to me it was funny because I was called crazy, delusional, jealous, and insecure so baby I was just about to show them I wasn’t. Only to be it because I fell for the trap that was placed for me.

So, I took some time off to recuperate and process my emotions before I actually address what was going on. You guys know I’m not an advocate for speaking on relationships because everyone relationships differ. So, it can be tricky telling someone they deserve things that they may or may not even want, their dreams maybe simple. And by simple, I mean just having someone who is honest and caring.

Now the last blog we left off talking about the karmic relationships and my last lover and his new lover. Which I am totally fine with the only problem I had was the fact in order to make himself look good he tried to diss me. I could’ve seen if he did it behind close door but to do so freely and distasteful to make her feel better only showed the type of lover he is, and she is. People act like when you move on from someone you loved like it is so easy and baby that shit takes time to heal. Because of all those days dreaming and fantasizing about what could’ve been, what should have been, and the reality of the situation takes a toll on you.

And baby when I healed, I vowed to ever be the cause of another woman’s pain in a relationship or just in life I wanted accountability all around not just in love. Now I know people make mistakes but this is someone I once new and trusted and I have seen him do the same shit to others so what would make me exempt. Chile, I don’t know why? I guess I just had more favor than the others, I guess. Well for me I thought because we matured and developed a friendship the honesty would come, and it didn’t. Newsflash if you haven’t noticed by know this blog is kind of like an advice column.

With a splash of my life from time to time and my sarcastic ass remarks being inserted half the time. Now I made a vow to Divine as well and said if you help me I would give the messages you give me and how I learned to accomplish some obstacles from time to time. Yall know I have my private moments where I don’t want to be so freely all the time that’s how people get you. Well after he had his hiccup in his relationship and trying to show out for her somebody else come knocking on the door after the chaos saying Marshae me and my man are going through it.

Baby I just shut down close the door because I could’ve politely told them to fuck off. Not because they didn’t matter but because the same shit my ex going through somebody else was going through too. Boy God really got a sense of humor, so you know me I’m like I’m not going to cave in. I’m thinking to myself as I talk out loud to God like did you not just see what this nigga did, and you want to help somebody else with the same story. You’ve got to be kidding me.

Now yall know I been working on healing your inner child part two it’s like every time I started divine was like I’m going to get this message out of her and child I was fighting it because in my mind I felt like they didn’t deserve my help. Only to recognize I was cutting off my nose to spite my face and leaving somebody else helpless that actually trusted me to help them. Ain’t that funny how we complain about things and in that moment, I didn’t recognize I was doing the same thing that was done to me. I can own up to it I’m a big girl. This why I’m writing this blog out now as we speak.

The ill feelings that was boiling under the service was starting to get to me not the relationships he’s in it’s the fact of the disrespect that came towards me when I have only wished this nigga the best. America has seen this shit that’s what mad it so cringing to deal with. So, my ole Scorpio stinger was like they’ll pay, they’ll pay for this only to recognize I was shortchanging myself and other people the opportunity to get to know me.

I’m just tired of the narrative that we have to hate one another because you have something I don’t have. I mean it may seem like a lost to someone else but to me it’s not because I gained a whole lot of me on this journey. So, to operate in form of hurt to hurt someone isn’t quite my style because like I just mentioned you never who you might need. I told yall I watched a tarot reading and she mentioned this to be exact and I was like girl I’m not even talking to this person only for it to unfold so casually.

I think two another thing that bothered me is how people go about building friendships, relationships, and connections with people so fast. Sometimes you just know you’ve found the right friend, lover, spouse, or business partner you just know. And those other times where you are so certain life has a way of revealing it to you. I take my friendships seriously because I treat it like family. I’m not the high maintenance friend where I require you to call me every day, but just know you if you ever needed a safe place emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or physically I’m here. That’s what family is to me.

So, dealing with that really had pissed me off! So, I decided to step away from my writing to process my emotions to journal and to think for me for once. I told yall when the quarantine hit March and April, I was pushing out 30 blogs in a month challenging myself only to become worn out. I didn’t think that one through. But I am going to get me an iPad or another laptop because this desktop is cool and all but sometimes I be wanting another scenery when I’m writing.

But I wrote all this to say its cool to take time for you. Especially when your honoring your emotions the trick is to not stay in your emotions because you’ll miss out on some great things.

I LOVE YOU, YOU LOOK SO BEAUTFIUL WHEN I GROW UP IM GOING TO HAVE _________ WITH YOU!