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Breakup To Make up

Mirrored emotions can become misled actions! You can’t make someone take on the decision to feel your pain the way they made you feel and want them to apologize because you did to them what they did to you. Sweetie revenge don’t work like that. It’s like saying this is what you did to me but also, I want you to get over it while I’m still harboring old emotions. Don’t get me wrong I joke about cheating back if I get cheated on but honestly, I wouldn’t ever do that shit again. Chile I couldn’t enjoy cheating and coming home happy and my partner ready to love me. Baby my conscious ate me up one because I wanted to be petty and say I’m SCREWING MELVIN!

Just to get a reaction out of this nigga but I knew that would open a can of worms but when I was doing what he was doing I realized this a game that nobody will win. One because I wasn’t capable of being honest about the things I needed and wanted from a male in my life. I got tired of settling on a partner to be honest. Coming home and recognizing that the person you with don’t get you because you don’t get you is like hell itself. Because not only are you searching for something outside you, you are searching for the you in others. The pieces you lost along the way in love.

I recognized that I was recycling old garbage and trying to make it new again only to recognize we were back at square one broken up. Chile, I don’t even know how I got caught in the midst of this probably because I was pulling some cards and a song popped up in my head which was break up to make up. Meanwhile I was scrolling through my notes and was like ah ha this is it but let’s get back on track.

The funny thing about it like I have mentioned a lot of people don’t know how to grieve so any experiences that causes hurt in any kind of way, felt very unkind and unfair to me even if I didn’t do nothing to deserve it. It sucked and I didn’t want to feel the emotions, so I was trying to do anything but feel it. So, if we were in relationship just like any other woman, I was the emotional tyrant so, if I’m mad you should be mad with me and when I was over it you had to be over it to.

Not recognizing that was pretty unfair to my partner at the time he did this to me as well only for me to get fed up and leave and decided to date a better man when I was wasn’t a better woman. I know right a mess is what I was. But I had to learn that if he or I wanted to be hurt then I had to be hurt long enough to process the pain and move through it. See I was like many just trying to move on and forget it happen. Like most people I was trying to apply the forgive and forget logic when all I could do was remember.

Because anytime we couldn’t sit and talk about our emotions or our stress filled day it caused major issues. It’s not like I wanted him to be counselor I just want him to listen to the things that mattered to me. I vowed that in my human existence if anything hurt me and I’m going to acknowledge it and only talk about what I’m comfortable with speaking on and that’s me. Because when I was trying to work, smoke, party, hustle, do hair, and hang with people to pass time because I didn’t want to feel pain, I was only hurting myself.

Like I see so many people do they rarely know how to rely on the people around them to help them when they are challenged with overwhelming emotions. Especially in relationships some people rarely take time to stop and see that their actions are their partners reactions. So, if you leave the relationship when things get rough you can’t get mad when someone doesn’t have the luxury of processing their emotions when their too busy at home trying to keep the foundation running. So of course, they’re going to be mad because they didn’t get a chance to take a break like you do when things get rough.

Because every time you guys are on the brink of something great one of you get made and cut the rope because you see one of you have learned how to maneuver with a life a little better. So instead of seeing how your strength is their strength yall get mad and have to start all over again like time has no meaning. I mean the older you get a lot of things you really don’t want to have time for especially when you have worked so hard on becoming the person you need to be.

Sometimes you have to stop saying what the problem is and start working on finding a solution. I mean if was some millionaire giving you a speech about how to get money yall would apply this knowledge like its nothing but when comes to you caring about you, you just put you to the side. When you’re in a relationship you have make sure you can work through them 80/20 days while the other partner is trying to balance out your 50/50 emotions. I mean that’s enough within itself and don’t add in bills, careers, kids, school, and extended family.

You have to realize you can’t play with people emotions and get mad when they become numb to you and your antics. A person will always love you and still be there, but your actions will affect the way they chose to show their love for you. I have watched countless of people who have walked away from love hurt at any chance of healing they choose themselves. No matter how their current partner felt because they felt in that moment, they had to choose them because they felt their partner didn’t value their love.

I read in a post once that loves knows no bounds and has no boundaries meaning no matter what love will always prevail. You just have to be willing to submit to it the power of love. Having healthy boundaries in relationship is so grown folk like. I mean that trust that is built off knowing the person you’re with and they wouldn’t dare cross a line you feel uncomfortable with because they know you know who you are. YESSSS!!!

We have to get out of the spirit of the being the emotional tyrant because we fear boundaries excludes us from our partner when it is the complete opposite. We have to stop crossing boundaries with people because of our insecurities, mixed emotions, and past hurt because it will always haunt your new relationship. Or the relationship you keep restarting because yall get mad when yall can’t have yall way with each other.

No matter how hard you try to get a person to understand where you are coming from, they will never understand unless they’re willing to understand who they’re. With that being said ask yourself is it all really worth it? What is the end goal and where do you see yourself with this person and that is how you start to conquer those inner demons?

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