Black straight men who were assaulted when they were younger struggle with dating as they get older. From the societal terms of what a man should be it leave most men who have been assaulted when they were younger confused when it comes to dating. Because outside of race, shape, and sexuality the terms of a man are to be financial stable and to be able to stand on his own regardless of what goes in his life.
But when you add in emotional confusion and trauma on top of navigating through childhood to adulthood most men often find themselves confused. For women it seemed to be deemed normal to deal with sexual assault and desire to still date a man. Some women do go outside of the sexuality, but we aren’t talking about stereotypes. We are talking about trauma and the ways it affects people emotionally, mentally, and the physical concepts.
If I told you that someone liked to participate homosexual acts that doesn’t make them gay. Right its shocking. But according to society you are gay especially for men. Now it’s a whole different ball game if you out here living a homosexual lifestyle and dating men. I know its tricky for men but it’s easy for women to do a little scissoring and fingering and not be labeled gay. Sometimes it depends on her masculine approach to life. Okay enough of that.
But most men who experience assault find themselves operating more on the feminine energy side of life. Because to experience such pain at such an early age can be triggering. Especially when the emotional matters weren’t dealt with properly. So, it leaves men pretending to be okay with the day to day semantics of dating. When they are not okay, it actually allows them to be attracted to women who are masculine in their approach to life.
Leaving them to be dominated by a woman who is less emotional then he is. The downfall of the relationship comes in because regardless of his emotional and physical abuse he has experienced, he is still a man. So, when a woman who is more masculine than him is actually a threat to him and he deems her his predator. After a while he will stay in relationships that will demean his whole existence or spends lifetimes questioning his sexuality.
Based off of not being able to be in a relationship or being able to emotionally connect to a woman outside of sex.
So, men find themselves straying outside of their race to date because from societal terms and the difference in culture upbringings it is more acceptable to date manly man. And when I say manly man one who financial provides and breeds the hyper masculinity approach that troubles marriages and commitments. So, he runs form one side to another he is running from his own pain. Nobody is asking you to place all your problems onto the world for them to judge you.
But when you get comfortable with your own truth you want have to always find a reason to run away from love.
Because to be in love is to be able to care and to show others you love them outside of your own characteristics. So many men who have been sexually assaulted as kids either deem every woman they date unworthy of their love or they finally settle down in a relationship with someone who don’t even know them completely. Leaving their kids, marriage, or dating life a complete snooze fest because most straight men are scared of their own feminine energy.
And to be in tune with your feminine energy isn’t gay it’s the way we get comfortable with ourselves to be able to share our own truths, even if its to look in the mirror everyday and find the things you don’t find so beautiful. Have you ever noticed how someone who embodies feminine energy makes even the person who feels so useless feel alive? Baby that is maternal energy in rawest form.
But also maternal energy knows how to correct someone without shunning a person for being the only thing they know. Black men you are worthy of love but its only available when you are ready to accept it from you and the world around you. Stop trying to fit people into your bubble of hurt you have already experienced. Stop judging people who have experienced hurt like you and they just choose to cope with it a different way.
Sympathy ain’t cute it enables people to be handicap on the opinions and validation from others leaving you be destroyed be the opinions of others. Self-worth and self-value of is way more important than constantly having someone who enables bad behavior. Get some counseling and start to seek ways you can love yourself outside of needing your ego stroked when it’s your soul that needs peace.
No matter how you look on the outside or portray your self to be, remember people stay when they have a place called home and home is the soul. It’s time to stop judging yourself off of the trust you placed in people who took advantage of the relationship you have shared with them. When you keep living the memories of old hurt you don’t recognize how quickly we play them out in our reality. When you get ready to honor your truth, I’LL BE ONE CALL AWAY!
UNTIL THEN I’LL BE REMINSCING ON ALL THE MEALS THAT WAS SEASONED RIGHT I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF.