Black Family Drama Pt. 4 or 5

Now for those of you that are new here welcome to my humble abode. I would ask that you feel free to roam around the website and see what messages stick out the most. Feel free to have your note pads ready so you can remember what question or thoughts that are provoked when you read what whatever subject we are studying at the time. Feel free to share with your therapist or the person you trust the most when you’re unpacking your thoughts. The link for the first blog post will be linked below.

The Intro to The Black Family (phuckyoanxiety.com)

Girl we got some interesting topics that came up during the during the tarot reading this morning. One of the general messages that came out was a mother taking custody of her daughter kids. The first person who started to generate money in the family that caused a divide in the family. Making them argue over money who has the right to some one lineage before they die. Like damn they haven’t even passed yet and they around here counting them checks up. Relationship difference and married couples that keep secrets from each other.

What a dangerous game we all be playing. And last but least family or people around them holding them back from success. Now we are going to break these down increments because sweetie I don’t have all night to be typing this up even though it’s 2:00 p.m. central standard time. Baby this my nap time. And I have a life to live which is being a sloth and moving at my own pace. Now lets get into these blog.

RELATIONSHIPS DIFFERENCES:

Now if you have been reading these blogs you have heard me talk about how the way we were raised we picked relationships out of survival. Choosing to be in love and having fun really wasn’t the choice many of us had because hanging out and being a kid really didn’t really matter. Because majority of our parents wanted us to be better than them. And most of the time they raised us to get out of the house and not to be independent. Just because you have your own house, car, a job, a source of income, and take care of your kids doesn’t mean that doesn’t make you independent.

Its just means that you’re a functional adult to America or worldly standards, it doesn’t make you independent. It’s just mean you know how to cover your physical needs, so you won’t be out here like the rest of us humans trying to rob Peter to pay Paul. And for some that are not knowing how to accept help or give help is a struggle mentality that was taught to us by our parents. Now let’s get back onto these relationships I say all the time our friends either mirror family or the people we run away from when you don’t know who we are.

That it causes some breakdown in our day-to-day behavior and how we view ourselves. Question why friendships matter more the relationship you have with your spouse, partner, lover, or family? You want to know why because it takes a village to raise a child. And by that, I mean the support we get from others always seems to come from outsiders because we forget the people in our life are having a human experience. Some just are more prone to be a product of their environment because the fear or living life for them keeps them bound and held back by unnecessary obligations.

Meaning that old rhetoric, I have to care of mama, I have to sacrifice this dream because of my kids, and I have to be this way because this is for x, y, and z in my life. Boy, was our ancestors trying and at the same time messed up so bad because of that strong slavery had on us as a collective. Trauma bonds and bondages is real in family matters. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but you think I’m going to sacrifice my dreams for my sister hell no. God, gave me this dream, these visions, and goals for a reason. Some may call me selfish, but you don’t think its unfair for me to sit with the expectations my ancestors had thinking that if the roles were reversed, she’ll do the same for me.

Hell no, y’all be bugging because that shit causes resentment in the relationships you have with people in your life. Now I’m not saying that your always suppose to choose you all the time but when your always expected to give up something for the other without it being a healthy medium just gone cue in the arguments in your life. And no matter how hard you try to force that pain down it will always come out in a way that you may end up shortchanging yourself or other people in your life. Like for example those people in marriages with those old beliefs a happy wife is a happy life. Nawl baby we upgraded happy spouse is a happy house and what’s his is, ours. CAN I GET AMEN?

The reason why I say that we are through that because it allows us to accept the bare minimum from our partners in our lives. Meaning the more money, he makes he gets to cheat, the more intolerable she acts as wife your always to accept disrespect as love, and last but least just lack boundaries with each other. Because majority of the Matriarchal we look up too or had raised us had so many toxic relationships with men. That when it comes down to love women think they can challenge the way a man loves her. Equally as men do when it comes down to how much pain he can put you through to see if you are worthy of a couple of secrets from his childhood and old love wounds.

If you could see the stare, I have on my face like we really weren’t taught how to live. We were taught to be just a shear existence of what somebody says we are. And when we don’t live up to those expectations, we learned that we couldn’t be anything else in there eyes until we became something else we didn’t truly like. Leaving us open for outside entities to come in and sooth our pain and control the dynamic in our relationships. Don’t take this wrong way like all these people that find themselves discontent in a relationship are now opened to having 3 ways. Now whatever your sexual kinks are by all means do that shit with a smile on your face.

BUT NEWSFLASH TRYING SOMETHING SEXUALLY NEW ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE THE STATE OF THE RELATIONSHIP. IT’S JUST GOING TO GIVE THAT PERSON WHO IS EMOTIONAL DISTANT A REASON TO LEAVE THAT RELATIONSHIP. Now I’m all for poly relationships but trying to be in a poly relationship when you barely have healthy communication skills in a monogamous relationship isn’t going to work sweets. It just put a buffer in the relationship to save the time you would normally have an argument.