Black Family Drama Pt. 4 or 5
Now for those of you that are new here welcome to my humble abode. I would ask that you feel free to roam around the website and see what messages stick out the most. Feel free to have your note pads ready so you can remember what question or thoughts that are provoked when you read what whatever subject we are studying at the time. Feel free to share with your therapist or the person you trust the most when you’re unpacking your thoughts. The link for the first blog post will be linked below.
The Intro to The Black Family (phuckyoanxiety.com)
Girl we got some interesting topics that came up during the during the tarot reading this morning. One of the general messages that came out was a mother taking custody of her daughter kids. The first person who started to generate money in the family that caused a divide in the family. Making them argue over money who has the right to some one lineage before they die. Like damn they haven’t even passed yet and they around here counting them checks up. Relationship difference and married couples that keep secrets from each other.
What a dangerous game we all be playing. And last but least family or people around them holding them back from success. Now we are going to break these down increments because sweetie I don’t have all night to be typing this up even though it’s 2:00 p.m. central standard time. Baby this my nap time. And I have a life to live which is being a sloth and moving at my own pace. Now lets get into these blog.
RELATIONSHIPS DIFFERENCES:
Now if you have been reading these blogs you have heard me talk about how the way we were raised we picked relationships out of survival. Choosing to be in love and having fun really wasn’t the choice many of us had because hanging out and being a kid really didn’t really matter. Because majority of our parents wanted us to be better than them. And most of the time they raised us to get out of the house and not to be independent. Just because you have your own house, car, a job, a source of income, and take care of your kids doesn’t mean that doesn’t make you independent.
Its just means that you’re a functional adult to America or worldly standards, it doesn’t make you independent. It’s just mean you know how to cover your physical needs, so you won’t be out here like the rest of us humans trying to rob Peter to pay Paul. And for some that are not knowing how to accept help or give help is a struggle mentality that was taught to us by our parents. Now let’s get back onto these relationships I say all the time our friends either mirror family or the people we run away from when you don’t know who we are.
That it causes some breakdown in our day-to-day behavior and how we view ourselves. Question why friendships matter more the relationship you have with your spouse, partner, lover, or family? You want to know why because it takes a village to raise a child. And by that, I mean the support we get from others always seems to come from outsiders because we forget the people in our life are having a human experience. Some just are more prone to be a product of their environment because the fear or living life for them keeps them bound and held back by unnecessary obligations.
Meaning that old rhetoric, I have to care of mama, I have to sacrifice this dream because of my kids, and I have to be this way because this is for x, y, and z in my life. Boy, was our ancestors trying and at the same time messed up so bad because of that strong slavery had on us as a collective. Trauma bonds and bondages is real in family matters. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but you think I’m going to sacrifice my dreams for my sister hell no. God, gave me this dream, these visions, and goals for a reason. Some may call me selfish, but you don’t think its unfair for me to sit with the expectations my ancestors had thinking that if the roles were reversed, she’ll do the same for me.
Hell no, y’all be bugging because that shit causes resentment in the relationships you have with people in your life. Now I’m not saying that your always suppose to choose you all the time but when your always expected to give up something for the other without it being a healthy medium just gone cue in the arguments in your life. And no matter how hard you try to force that pain down it will always come out in a way that you may end up shortchanging yourself or other people in your life. Like for example those people in marriages with those old beliefs a happy wife is a happy life. Nawl baby we upgraded happy spouse is a happy house and what’s his is, ours. CAN I GET AMEN?
The reason why I say that we are through that because it allows us to accept the bare minimum from our partners in our lives. Meaning the more money, he makes he gets to cheat, the more intolerable she acts as wife your always to accept disrespect as love, and last but least just lack boundaries with each other. Because majority of the Matriarchal we look up too or had raised us had so many toxic relationships with men. That when it comes down to love women think they can challenge the way a man loves her. Equally as men do when it comes down to how much pain he can put you through to see if you are worthy of a couple of secrets from his childhood and old love wounds.
If you could see the stare, I have on my face like we really weren’t taught how to live. We were taught to be just a shear existence of what somebody says we are. And when we don’t live up to those expectations, we learned that we couldn’t be anything else in there eyes until we became something else we didn’t truly like. Leaving us open for outside entities to come in and sooth our pain and control the dynamic in our relationships. Don’t take this wrong way like all these people that find themselves discontent in a relationship are now opened to having 3 ways. Now whatever your sexual kinks are by all means do that shit with a smile on your face.
BUT NEWSFLASH TRYING SOMETHING SEXUALLY NEW ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE THE STATE OF THE RELATIONSHIP. IT’S JUST GOING TO GIVE THAT PERSON WHO IS EMOTIONAL DISTANT A REASON TO LEAVE THAT RELATIONSHIP. Now I’m all for poly relationships but trying to be in a poly relationship when you barely have healthy communication skills in a monogamous relationship isn’t going to work sweets. It just put a buffer in the relationship to save the time you would normally have an argument.
HIERACHY WITH MONEY:
This is big problem in the black community because you have heard me say that men who predominantly make the most money and provides for the family is considered a blessing. One they get away with scott free murder or on the other are forced to always be a father figure to their siblings. For women we are praised for our wins, but we always feel like we aren’t good enough for our mothers or our family dynamic. If you wanted to be single there is a judgment that comes with that. She can’t never keep a man why does she want to be single. And when comes to love your always under the rules and guidelines of what other women think. #ITTFN
It's like you don’t get to have the emotional freedom a man has. He can leave his kids with big mama and there’s no problem while on the other your mom wants to live a certain lifestyle. She wants to be in the marriage, the dating phase, and apart of every step of your life. When truly it should be the opposite way around, she acts as if she has a son, and he can carry on the lineage when you are the bread winner. With women on the other hand, it gets tricky because you aren’t allowed to be depressed, sad, and emotionally stricken. Your only allowed to be strong and make others happy.
Don’t get me wrong you still have the obligation of taking care of siblings and other kinfolk because that’s your job. As I say with the most sarcasm, and they wonder why midlife crisis are at an all time. But the difference between a man and a woman is the disrespect she must put up with. While a man is more feared because society says its normal for him to be rich not you. Pathetic in Bart Simpson voice. You can’t change anything your life because they’ll say its her boyfriend, girlfriend, or friends that’s making her change. When truly it’s the emotional outlet you get from being around them.
Being placed on a pedestal all the time in a family dynamic causes breakdown and communication and jealousy to arise. Because people forget that just because you are kin that doesn’t mean they wont be jealous, lower vibrational, hateful, or spiteful. That’s an honest reality that most don’t live in because we are blinded by titles and blood. The pedestal energy creates comparison dynamics between family members, unwanted pressure, and following blindly behind someone because you want to be noticed.
Family BE FORGETTING you don’t want to be like them, you want to be different so sometimes out of spite you’ll cut your nose off to save your face. Even if it makes you the black sheep. WELCOME TO THE DARKSIDE BABY!
CUSTODY AND CHILD AGREEMENTS:
PLEASE STOP TAKING CUSTODY OF THESE KIDS IF THEY STILL GONE TURN OUT LIKE THEY PARENTS. I tell people who coparent all the time to stop sitting up talking about the parent in front of the child. You are ruining the experience your child has with the parent. Here’s why, no matter how shit of person you may feel they may be. That child will come to terms with that on their own. You don’t have to constantly beat in they head that this person ain’t shit, they mama ain’t shit, and they ain’t gone never be nothing. They’ll learn the hard way like you did because it’s a part of them they crave too. And why does you helping a child has to be based on what the parent ain’t doing.
If you mean well then it will show, you don’t know how many people who has adopted children and treated them as if they where they own.
Black people love to act like they get a reward for raising somebody else kids just because they mama and daddy failed them. When that child gets older guess what they gone leave you behind too because you acting just like they parents. I don’t care how much you feed them, buy them clothes, take them to school, or even house them they still gone hate you. Another thing I noticed with that is when the parent finally decides to change they life around or come back into the child life to reconnect they are giving the parent a hard time. How do they know what is the truth and what is a lie when they have been fed your truths?
Baby kids ain’t dumb its just as parents that we feel like we have to protect them by limiting the truth. Truth be told black folks really don’t like taking care of other people kids. Look at the people who talk down on single moms and fathers. The only people who should say they don’t want to date somebody with kids is a woman or man without kids. Thank you. But go back to how big mama or your mama made her daughter feel like crap while she raised her child. Disgusted by the fact her daughter had a baby at an early age because while being emotionally torn down and being prepared for a man, I mean what are the odds right.
Now I get it some situations happen where you have to just be like give me my kids or grandbabies because you need to get your ish together. But in most cases, it’s not, it’s mainly parents who have two parent homes, comfortable with emotional suppression, and used to putting them self-last that always want to take custody of somebody kids. If you don’t #GTF! Them kids still be traumatized and a product of their environment because they don’t truly get real love and emotional support.
CHILD, I NEED A COMMERICAL BREAK!
CIAO XOXO