Black Family Drama Part 5
I love how black people think that having a celebration is a way of saying we put all the family beef behind us so we all good now. WTH! No, ma’am that is not how hurt, pain, beef, and drama is healed in a family dynamic we ain’t gone speed past that inner child, environmental factors, and shadow work over here. No buddy that is the quickest way for that trauma to resurface, fester, and be reborn in a family dynamic. Now I know energy can be created but never destroyed but there is some that has to be dissected and put down so it can stop it in its tracks. As the world moves, we lose souls, loved ones, and a piece of ourselves each day. That it becomes harder and harder for us to remain intact when those around seem to want to suppress the issues at hand.
I noticed that dealing with family drama people tend to scurry over the truth because it is likely to hurt someone’s feelings. And no, I’m not talking about who ain’t baby sitting whose child, whose lights is off, who thinks they better than anybody else, or my favorite talking about your own folks’ kids. Boy, black folks sholl have a way of dogging out they own. Don’t run to far from the topic you pretentious negroes in the group chat that think just because you got a little money that your problems and pain seems to evaporate. No, they don’t they just tend to affect your kids because you’ve decided to hide from who you are. This is real as I thought over this weekend because hell has been going on in my family we are divided and whole at the same time.
Because we all share our own pain which makes us whole it’s the fact they try to down or uplift themselves by exposing everybody else’s flaws that has us divided. But what family doesn’t have these problems I ask sarcastically? Because these behaviors have been so normalized to the point that it starts to show up in the real world and affect how we coexist with one another. Even a stranger, our local clerk, or hairstylist. The pain we carry is real because we haven’t been told that it is safe enough to let it down. So, we wait until we fall in love and have kids to only recognize that after they have gotten grown, we have done it again. Fucked up yet another generation all because we didn’t dare to challenge the matriarchal and patriarchal of the family. I’m not saying be rude and harsh towards your parents but daring to color outside of the lines in a meaningful way is something to stand for.
You don’t know the days I waited as a child to hear from the other side of the family perspective on why them and so an so fell out. And not in a messy way but to teach me that no matter the blood you share with people in a family dynamic it is still going to people like this in the real world. You guys know I have written countless of blogs on how I broke down my pain into pieces until I gave myself the proper dosage for my pain. Now, I am not saying that apologies and thank you couldn’t have helped but knowing I’m apart of this human design would’ve mattered a hell of a lot more. Than going out into the real world making a shit ton of mistakes to get me to discover who the fuck I am. And don’t judge me because some of y’all are here and have been where the hell I have been.
Seeking solace in the arms of a meaningless lover, a one-night stand, a drink, a blunt, a club, or even at my friends house. Because the pieces of me that I need the most was in a home that I never wanted to return back to because like any 18-year-old I couldn’t wait to get old and get TF out my mama house. It’s funny how pain ran me away and pain brung me back to the doors I once despised so much. Because like many adults that go out and try to conquer the world, we fail to recognize that we haven’t fully developed into the person we need to be in order to be free. It’s funny how we don’t recognize that our environmental factors i.e., family has shaped us into the beings we are, the friends we make, the lovers we choose, and the career choices make. This is why I tell people all the time HATE does nothing for me it is just a valid emotion that someone is expressing.
Outside of that what can I do with it? Seriously, has your hatred for someone or something in your life made your life better. Child, if you said yes then go off because one, you’ll soon to circle back to those emotions when you get older and see how it has held up so much in your life. And in that time, you could’ve admitted you was hurt, betrayed, or misled by your own emotions. And growing up in a toxic, religious, or pompous family you rarely have time for emotions. Because you either feel the same way at different times or stay stuck in emotional patterns for so long. So, lets start today with journaling and acknowledging the things you need from your family and if they can’t give it to you then we’ll move accordingly. I’m tired of people hurting themselves with the narrative that they have to be a product of they family.
When I am firm believer that you can change only if you decide that it is okay for you to. And sometimes it’s more easier said than done when it takes work to acknowledge the changes that is needed in your life. When you decided to stop trying to heal every relationship with everyone in your family dynamic and start with you it becomes a little more easier to get to the point. Now, this doesn’t mean that issues won’t arise in your healing journey where you’ll need closure on certain things that has hindered you in your life. Or you’ll fall victim to thinking they have changed and understand you. The goal to healing is finally seeing your elders, mothers, fathers, siblings, and cousins as humans.
This doesn’t remove the title they have in your life it just broadens your perspective on how they think, how they move, and actions affect you. It sounds simple and let me be honest its not. It’s going to cost you sleep, tears, thoughts, meaningless conversations, and expectations. You have to get to a point where you remember your own steps not mines, yours these are nothing but stepping stools to help you get to your own next level in your life. Remember this is your life I don’t have to live it you do. I used to say what you eat don’t make me shit but lately suffering the consequences of other people actions got me side eyeing the shit out of that statement. Remember the inner child is forever so everybody story may differ from yours.
Just because it didn’t happen to you doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen to someone else. People treat people differently and that’s is perfectly okay so don’t go off shunning someone else’s experience they have had with someone else whether it be a parent, mama, father, uncle, sister, memaw, or paw paw. Pack your bags we go to go this season because it’s been the same for too long. TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE PLEASE COME GET ME I HATE IT HERE. NOT YOU ANXIOUS BETTY I REBUKE THAT SPIRIT ON YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS. I will not settle like Arnold did with Helga Paticky! HELL NO! FUCK NO! Have a goodnight!