Black Family Drama:
Now before we get started, I just wanted to say that this isn’t designed for one specific race being black is just who I am. Now we can continue as you guys have read or not you know we hit on some key valuable points in the black family dynamic. Hierarchy that goes in family, emotional blackmail, favoritism, women, men, codependent relationships and everything wasn’t directly labeled in that manner.
Specifically, for two reasons because I didn’t won’t people flying off in some tangent thinking I was emotional solidifying your own emotions. It was for you to see things from someone else’s eyes and for you to make your own decision I am just the messenger. You are in control of your own destiny.
Girl now I know COVID-19 has done its thing, it had people mourning over the past and the inability to move freely left some people reopening old doors to old flames. By flames I’m talking about conversation and old wounds. And for of those of you that are in this healing journey you my child probably came around to this point because either some part of you is lost in some childhood dynamic of family. Or you are just at a crossroad when it comes to family?
Chile, aren’t we all? I say that sarcastically with a deep heavy negro sigh because we are looking to be liberated and emotional accepted. This blog is going to be about conflict because like many growing up in big families. We have found ourselves wondering who I am and where do I need to be. Especially when it comes to your emotions.
I mean the competition that goes on in family is downright weird and sometimes disgusting. This part of the blog I think some of y’all aren’t going to like me because it may or may not ring some form of truths.
I mean to think of all of the family drama that has been going on in my life I ask myself all the time why we are doing the things we are doing. It’s not like it is real change its nothing but arguing continuously. I just think people want to be heard because being raised up in culture where emotional expression is talking back. A lot of kids that turned into adults couldn’t wait to get grown to start disrespecting their elders or other people. I mean that’s all we knew.
I mean be honest can your child come talk to you without the fear of being judge about their life. Or is it a need to always be in good grace because mommy or daddy is always looking for them to be their best. Or are you to consumed with worldly things that you never stop to think to check in on how they are doing.
For me that is where I am with the collective energy because like many, we don’t have healed family’s majority of us come from broken families no matter what generation you reincarnated into. You may not be in the gist of it all but deep down the line its some broken pieces that’s lingering and affecting the many of us till this day.
But conflict can be a deal breaker or great change when you hear without judgement and biasness. Because when you truly care to fix or change something you will do what is needed and what is required to bring about change. And conflict sometimes doesn’t need to be created especially when Divines timing at play. That’s the trap that many falls into because when you have emotional dismay going on you tend to take on this concept that other people should take on your pain.
When it’s the complete opposite you should have the support system of those who are like family or blood related to help you navigate through those trying times. But the fact that your parents and their parents didn’t have everything they needed to teach you the things you needed to become the best you is the problem. Because in order to have some form of clarity about the disconnect that goes on with you and those of your family is because it’s a story that is missing.
And in the black community we have this I wear my pain with honor like it is true strength. And enduring a lot of pain is supposed to make us worthy of living a life that is fulfilling. Its related to psychological warfare and slave mindedness. That it cripples those who are.
ATTENTION SEEKING MASKED AS NEEDING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
By being a black person living in the U.S. I have found myself at times with the inability to be able to express myself emotionally. Raised in family dynamic that suppress emotional issues and not addressing the real problems that goes on with self and others. I find majority of these people experiencing these same woes in life.
At a time where we don’t know how to identify ourselves that we end up turning to the world for emotional support. Whether it be hanging with the wrong people, doing the wrong things, and lack of self-appreciation. I say all the time a child that isn’t valued will seek many days of their life trying to find their value in the nouns. Whether it be love, jobs, specific careers, goals, and this fixation to happiness. And like most humans we seek solace in the arms of life. And if you are a parent that maybe reading this you may ask yourself what is it that I didn’t do?
Do you really take care of yourself outside of the physical nature? Are you honest about your emotional needs? Did you pick up unwarranted habits from those around you and displayed them to others as your own? Do you truly know who you are?
Do you know how to identify the you in your child? Not the things they do but the things they don’t and the reason why. Do you know why you exist? Did parenthood cripple you or stunt you in some point of life? Do you have unresolved issues that you have yet to seek help about? Or do you say I’m to old and to set in your ways?
Or do you find yourself being resistant that is met with you using authority to avoid real issues? I called that the toddler complex where children know how to use emotions as a way to get out of doing things they don’t want to do. And when those emotions aren’t addressed it leads to discipline methods that denies emotions. And it shows you and others that an issue that bothers you isn’t supposed to be talked about because of your emotional disruption.
ARGUMENTS USED AS CONTROL TACTICS
Child, we live in a day and age where people would rather argue with you because they know it will get some emotional reaction out of you. Or you have those who don’t know how to sit on there own emotions so they feel you should be enraged as they are. And when you have peace and a understanding on a matter you are labeled as nonchalant. Now I will say we do have parents who try to come off as unbothered because they don’t want to snitch on themselves.
Or try to have some form of self-control when it comes of as aloof, cruel and dismissive. And this is when I said back in 2020 about the pressure of emotions, I felt the collective was going through. And that y’all ass was going to be over there like a Tyler Perry movie dropping truth bombs. On some hurt people hurt people dynamic because of the inability to be able to speak and be heard.
Causing disruption and chaos because one person felt the need to get everybody on, they side about a matter when it wasn’t the matter it was being uncomfortable with your emotions and morals. Have you ever heard of the old saying too many chiefs and not Indians?
Well, a lot of people in the family dynamic, soul groups, friendships, and relationships fail to recognize everybody has a role they play. But in a family dynamic the matriarchal and patriarchal are the chiefs of village. When we leave the village, we are supposed to go off and create our own. But the fact that majority of the black community believe in this respect that is disguised by suppression.
Leaving us with life lessons that ends up bringing us turmoil because we have to learn the value of independence in a harsh way. Now I do believe in some old methods of practice while I do believe incorporating some of the new. Because some elders where so close minded that they shunned they own for going in a different direction. One that allowed them freedom, emotional freedom at that, and free from restrictions. If you read the inner child blog, you know the freshly 18 group.
I’m grown I can do what I want. Which is perfectly fine but the fact that we have this mind frame of if you are living under my roof you do as I say. Leaving the next generation as well as you when you were as a child the lack of room to discover who you are. I say there are few things I don’t like to do when I’m broke is smoke weed, having sex, and anything that can get me locked me up.
The reason being is because it doesn’t matter how broke you are these things have a way of finding themselves to you no matter how much you have and how much you don’t. And when you’re going through the woes of life and don’t have the support you need the streets, and the evil of the word will tend to you before others will.
Such as, when children who seek out things like emotional support and recognition from the world. Are people who lacked it in some capacity of a lifetime. No matter how much you spend, no matter how many times you showed up to basketball games, no matter how many times you said you were there. Were you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually there?
We humans have a way of physically showing up but rarely emotionally showing up because sometimes we don’t know how to give what we don’t have to others. The problems lie is when you don’t know that you aren’t present in the moment. Even I as a parent have failed when I thought I was there. I went through that phase of trying to make up for my lost until I had to allow my child to grow back to me.
And for me to understand my value, presence as person, my essence, and the impact I had on my family dynamic. Regardless of what I didn’t have because I had to show up for me first in order to show up for others. And for those who didn’t know how in my life the only thing they could do was give their physical presence.
Because they knew certain battles I had to walk alone and if I needed it, they were there. So, the next time you find yourself entertaining the family gossip or jumping on the bandwagon of who you hate in your family. Ask yourself how I add to this foundation. What am I giving? Is my disassociation for me or am I truly making a stance?
Because if you read emotional blackmail then you know we have family who like to cross boundaries when it comes to fixing and destroying your relationship with them.
Until we meet this conversation again. My eyes burning.