Updated: Sep 8
Well, well here we go! Now before I start hold all your biasness at the door and all your anger in the weed you inhale because you when you exhale you gone say I can see why you say that! When ever this subject comes up it always go the same way. It never ends and it seems to be one sided either on the masculine side or feminine side.
Hell, I don’t even like talking about it because if you checked out the black family drama blog where I highlighted certain issues on the feminine expectations and where they stem from. Then you would know it would basically sum up majority of the issue at play. Raising kids can be tricky especially when two people didn’t expect a kid, plan on having kids, or downright being with each other. So, when you factor in the lack of knowledge that we didn’t have when it comes to relationships.
We could somewhat see how we ended up procreating with certain people.
Now y’all been aware of the messages we talk about when it comes to generational curses, childhood trauma, inner child issues, and past live work. Why we talk about these things is because I say all the time that when you have kids you have no time to not heal. Because what you don’t heal your children will feel. I mean we work so hard for our children to not experience lifestyles we had to manage but what about their mental health, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.
Majority of the times when people have problems with their baby mamas or baby daddies it is normally around money, their new relationship, and their own expectations. Now a lot of men are getting it financially these days as well as women the problem lies when women expect to be treated like a wife over a baby. Just because you have a child/children with someone that does not make you FAMILY!.
I WILL REPEAT IT AGAIN JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE CHILD/CHILDREN WITH SOMEONE THAT DOENST MAKE YOU FAMILY.
Hopefully, you have a little common sense with this because some of yall will find away and say well we were married. Okay smarty pants. Here’s a list of things we gone hit on.
WOMEN WHAT DO WHAT YOU WANT? WHAT ARE YOU NOT EXPRESSING?
Majority of you have been a girlfriend to someone and ended up pregnant by them and you guys broke up. I just want to know did you guys ever discuss having kids? If so, how did the conversation go? What was his financial status at the time? What was your financial status as well? How were you living at the time?
When you became pregnant did you focus on aligning yourself with a support system? Did you as well know your child father’s history with his father and childhood? If you said yes did you know how it impacted him to interact with you? Where you the typical maternal energy thinking you can save him from himself and see beyond his pain? My child if you said yes then baby you don’t know that man at all?
Now if you guys are still together, does that make you a bad lover no? It’s just time to learn how to have serious conversation about your future and the kids future. A lot of men this day and age put their baby mamas on this pedestal one because he has seen his mother struggle or is trying to fulfill his father shoes. So, the relationship he has with you and the kids will differ. Men are taught that love is outside of themselves so they seek this in women.
Treating us like the Goldie Locks story testing and trying things out until he recognizes this isn’t his home. Some men come back after they recognize what they were looking for wasn’t a person it was himself. And when I say come back I men do a whole 360 when it comes to being a parent. To be honest men care way more about pregnancy than women. True story.
But a lot of the hardships we experience as women is by listening to horrible advice other women give us whether it be a mom, grandma, sister, cousin, or a friend. Majority of the women back in the day were suppressed and lived to please a man. This is why so many women had and still experience hardships with men whether it be abuse, prostitution, drugs abuse, or abandonment issues. Because patriarchy said men are so smart and deserve to be leaders its true.
While they were all having some pissing contest about whose d*** is the biggest leaving them to fall short of themselves and those around them. So, because some of the collective grew up without father, they expected to be saved by a man. Because society always have and will let men get away with scot free murder. Even if you grew up with a father figure you still expected for your child to be raised in a two-parent home because that’s what you had right.
I get it raising kids is hard because if a man decides to leave or passes away your stuck with raising a baby on your own. But what happens majority of the time is that women fail to prioritize their life and time around the things that matter. So, when your child’s father isn’t doing or helping in a time of need you want him to, this is when he becomes the dead beat. Now sweets if you’re not together then baby that’s not your husband.
Now this is why is say people should have grown folks’ conversations but it’s hard when you are holding on to the changes you had to go through. For instance, the heartbreak, infidelities, gaining weight, losing friends, and not having a support system in your life. I mean you honestly can’t expect to have a decent conversation when you are side eyeing your child’s father and expecting him to be your husband, the child’s father, all in the meantime while you date.
Now I know your probably halfway through and like why are you dragging us women, sweets chill out I got the niggas too. But I got one question what is your ideal relationships with your child and the child’s father?
HANG TIGHT WE DROPPING THE FINANCES CONVERSATION TOMORROW?
MEN DO YOU KWO WHO YOU ARE?
Put your eye to the screen and let me tell you something. If you don’t know how to keep your gun on safety, I advise you to stop wasting bullets. I know, I know society puts so much pressure on a man to be financially stable, a great father, and to stay out of jail. Whoomph, whoomph, whoomph.
We have this trendy topic that goes on social media every three months about men being sexually active at an early age and how it affects them as kids. How sex changes things and how men were taught that having sex with women identified their sexuality. As boys that grow into men you rarely have experience with processing your emotions and how to maintain joy in the things you love outside of the material realm.
Now I am firm believer that every man/woman is not made to be monogamous? But because this rhetoric is pushed, and people act like being with one person for a long time is so bad y’all ass be trying to push it to the brinks. That it causes a lot of issues, I mean if you didn’t have the birds and bee’s conversation when you are younger then I can excuse that period of your life. But it doesn’t mean I won’t hold you accountable.
One thing I noticed is that most people who suffer with abandonment issues always think that having kids with a person will make them stay. Men I’m going to need yall to start thinking with a little more common sense because that nut may feel good in the moment, but being stuck with somebody who you only get along with during sex always come back to bite you in your ass. One thing for certain as men you have to stop wanting to be your father or the man that wasn’t there for you.
That is the most difficult road an induvial can walk because when you do this you are operating from a younger version of you when you were a child. So, the minute someone doesn’t share your excitement of what you do or trying to do that relationship will fade. Now don’t get me wrong there is different kind of fathers such as: the nigga with no job but has a great connection with the baby, the financial provider, and the father who always listen to the baby mama. If you don’t get yo ass out that fear space.
Because you are only perpetuating a cycle of what other women in your life have experience whether it be your mom, grand mom, or sister. You may think different but next time just look around your family and see what the similarities you have. Before you get to judging them.
Just because I am woman that doesn’t mean I have to be around children all day long. No sir, the most hurtful thing you can do is have a child around their mom all the time because it limits their emotional experience. Second of all why y’all be so scared to go to court and get custody or put yourself on child support? Your baby mamas always beat you to the punch whether you are providing or not it always falls in her favor.
When will y’all learn. Another thing if you don’t plan on being with someone or making sure you are going to be a part of someone’s life forever save yourself some time by not ejaculating in her. Women are not objects so they shouldn’t always be objectified by your sexual desires. Safe sex is cool you know.
Be honest with yourself about how societal views have made you think that you were always supposed to find love in someone instead of yourself. This is why majority of men leave and I don’t think it has to do with the baby I think the baby just signifies that the situation got a little to real. Leaving you room to find and escape plan because you know deep down inside that at the time you felt you weren’t capable of being the father that you are now.
So, I will leave you with someone questions like I left the ladies? What is your emotional relationship like with yourself? What is your viewpoint on love? Do you know what kind of man your baby mama wants outside of money? Do you know her history and how it affected her to become the person she is today? Who enables you to enable the women in your life?
Do you know your truth and if so when did you discover it and how did it affect your relationship with your child’s mom? Have you tried going to counseling for co-parenting?