Attention, how long does it last and how much of it do you need? A lot of people base interpersonal, platonic, and family connections off of this. I mean in the old saying you make time for what you want can basically work against you in these settings. Because some people feel as if, if you don’t give them enough time they’re not considered as valuable when you maybe be busy, tired, or figuring things are okay between you and the other party.
Communication is much needed because people can get comfortable with receiving a certain amount of love or attention from you that when you stop, they feel as if they have to make grand gestures to get it from you. Now the downside is if you are toxic and an energy vampire baby you aren’t prepared for their time.
Just let them people move on in peace, but you know they ain’t gone let you go when you’re their living host. Attention can be amazing when it comes from the right person especially when you feel as if they get you. You find yourself becoming ingulfed into their world its like a Scorpio luring their prey in and to possess it but when its not evolved he/she can destroy the host. But hopefully we speaking to the evolved people where we ain’t possessive over loved ones, friends, and lovers that it causes some form of jealousy. Geesh I hope the F*** NOT!
But let’s get back on track because some people fail to recognize attention can come in many forms. And majority of ways men/women show attention and affection now and days in relationships is through materials and sex. It’s to replace the intimacy and vulnerability because letting someone in can be tricky when you don’t know how long they’re there to stay. And honestly being loving and kind a lot of people don’t know how to because they weren’t showed how. So, the materials replace the presence of a person versus a person themselves being valued alone. Because if you give the material things to show love and to replace you being there and attentive, that taking it away and showing just affection can cause a problem.
I know it’s tricky trying to find the balance in a relationship while maintaining the two because most times because you can feel like what am I doing wrong. She always complaining about me not doing enough or doing too much, like where I am going wrong? In the words of Bobby Womack she always complaining about me never being at home, but when I’m there I’m broke she always complaining about the things her girlfriends got and she ain’t got and she want me to go out and get it for. But I can’t be in two places at one time. If think your lonely now wait until tonight. Yall my check engine light on in my brain. But this is true for men because as woman I can attest, I want a lot my daddy told my last lover I never met somebody who always want something.
Like she just doesn’t get tired of asking and women sometimes we be wanting our men to be a superhero, a cook, chef, father, a millionaire, attentive, has great sex, listens well, and honest. When it’s probably some man that’s all of those things but doesn’t know how to use them. Or it’s going to take time for him to become those things because your probably aren’t it yourself sis. I know it sucks because as women we do not want to see we are failing in areas in life. And to top it off men/or the person you in a relationship don’t make it no better because they be so oblivious to everything you do because they love you. That like phase is dangerous sweets because in the beginning you ignore all the red flags and now, you’re in a 10 yr. relationship or marriage with somebody who be on colored people time and you hate it.
When you could’ve incorporated things, they like to do or figuring out their passion, so you want to be triggered when you see them sleep while your wide awake. I mean opposites attracts so the things that pull you apart will pull you right back together. Being in a relationship sometimes is like looking after a younger sibling sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you get accustom of taking of them while they may randomly do things you like and surprise you. That when they do you still don’t communicate this is what you need because majority of the time one you are so accustom to being in control that relaxing is something hard for you to do.
Like where does that stems from is it your childhood, being the older sibling, or younger sibling? That keeps you in sense of control I’m not saying letting someone taking your wheel all the time but at least be comfortable enough to let someone drive once in a while and not so anal about it. In any relationship you need communication, honesty, loyalty, trust, understanding, growth, and last but least acceptance. As tricky as the liking phase is, just think about the comfortability you had in the being with your person. I see so many people let years go by trying to be some standard of a partner that your partner probably didn’t even ask for. For couples to go through things to grow back into being comfortable with each other.
I mean all those words I mentioned are simple and a lot of people say them but to me they have great meaning and can be quite impactful in a person’s life. So, the next time your about to go on a temper tantrum because something doesn’t go your way or your dealing with a difficult person just learn how to redirect you anger. Pause before you speak, breath in between, and take a moment to process what’s happening.